Anyone think we (women) get away with too much?

[ThatPinkHelper]

A few of us were having a chat over the weekend about our teenage years and the usual subjects came up, drinking on parks, staying out late, going places other than where we told our parents, older boys etc…

It was when the subject moved to older boys and the usual commentary around that, that one of us mentioned that she used to get taken out clubbing by 18 year old girls when she was 14.

The group was fairly split on whether it was that big of a deal. I was firmly in the camp of - “looking back on it that was very sketchy and I’d absolutely flip my lid if it was my daughter”.

But given the hugely contrasting reactions to boys sexually exploiting younger girls and older girls putting younger girls in very dangerous situations and environments, I began wondering if we sometimes get away with too much? Not as individuals but collectively as women.

I know it’s only theoretical but as I mentioned above, if my daughter was 14 and was being lead astray like that I’d go ballistic but I’m beginning to wonder if everyone around me would try to play it off as normal.

I just really want a peppermint cream now! Haven’t had one for decades

@Saschka yes, I want a peppermint cream too now! I can taste them in my memory and they are a lovely combination of soft, creamy, slightly crunchy and pepperminty. They used to often come up as recipes for Christmas presents eg. In Jackie magazine and the Blue Peter annual.

Big Toxoplasmosis strikes again!

so are we thinking of the plain white (or pink, if you add food colouring) peppermint creams, or the Fry's chocolate coated Peppermint Cream bar?

@SheilaFentiman definitely not the Fry’s version, not chocolate covered. Plain white or coloured pink (or green-mint!) a great excuse to open the rusty tin in the kitchen with the ancient flavourings and colourings. I’m going to have to find a recipe.

Peppermint creams recipe. There’s a Jamie Oliver one as well, which uses egg white.
https://thinlyspread.co.uk/peppermint-creams/

Ah, thanks, JawJaw

I hope the OP agrees that we women get away with too much minty goodness, and that Something Should Be Done.

At what?

None of your posts make sense.

Could you try again maybe. More coherently.

I suppose technically we can 'get away with it' in some limited cases. I'm reminded of a story my husband told me about his uni days.

There's a bit more to it than this but the gist is, a female friend plied him with ketamine (not unusual for his friendship group at the time). He came round from his stupour to find her having sex with him, he didn't want it, he told her to stop but she didn't. He couldn't stop her because he was still very incapacitated.

So technically drug rape? But the power dynamic is so different. He says he doesn't care, no big deal etc. No condom was used and he didn't come, but he marched her to the doctor the next day to get the morning after pill.

Imagine a female rape victim marching her rapist anywhere the next day.

Not sure where I am going with this. But the two situations just aren't comparable although technically she 'got away with it'.

Yes, but what did she get away with that a man wouldn't? I am not saying "they do it, so we can" or anything awful like that. But the opposite story to that often wouldn't end in consequences for the man unfortunately. I don't think a woman would buy the man the morning after pill but he wouldn't need it of course....

Yes indeed you're right. The very rare cases like my husband's are not comparable. I suppose she got away with it in so far as he doesn't even see it as rape, and doesn't care (or that's what he says anyway). If there are edge cases where women 'get away with it', they pale into insignificance compared to what men get away with every day

Yeah, I know what you mean. I also think she was completely out of order - she had no way of knowing it wouldn't affect him horribly, and I wouldn't want to know someone who would do that- male or female. (Also, they should face legal consequences bit often don't).
I wonder if the people that do that sort of stuff would care if the other person saw it as rape or were affected by it long term. Or whether they only care about personal consequences. So because he was fine, she got away with not feeling guilt/shame. But would men or women that don't care about consent feel guilt/shame anyway.

Well older girls taking younger girls out (unheard of to me but anyway) isn't harmful or risky at all is it if only men and boys can fucking behave themselves? What's the problem?

Sounds like OP is blaming women collectively for male behaviour. What an original take.

(Edit for clarity.)

Are we collectively responsible for what every individual of our sex does?
Of course women, like all people, should not put others in dangerous situations, but yeah, teenagers do stupid shit all the time. That's not about being female, it's about being young and lacking in the common sense that comes from experience. Are you experiencing a phenomenon of women in other age groups partying with underage girls and exposing them to predatory males? I'm going to hazard a guess that no, you are not.

Perhaps you are trying to say that these older adolescent girls are legally complicit in any harm which may befall a younger girl in that situation? That's something that can be debated.

@Bodeganights I suspect the OP is referencing the recent cases female teachers abusing their male students. But even still that doesn't clarify her wider point on women getting away with too much.

I don't think you can make any reasonably valid point on feminism if you're speaking from the view of all women as a collective. It really just doesn't stack up.

This thread has made me chuckle, especially when it veered off into peppermint creams!

But, if I’ve understood you correctly OP, the above response sums it up.

We still live in a patriarchy, so it doesn’t work to compare what men and women ‘get away with’. Women have far less power in society and can generally be physically overpowered by men, making them more vulnerable to male violence.

In my experience of raising boys, it’s vital they (and their fathers) understand this patriarchy, how it affects both women and men (but differently) and that men (and not only women) must fight to end it to create a more equal society.

Of course some women commit crimes (grooming of teenagers, sexual assault, domestic abuse, even murder). And they’re subjected to the criminal justice system. But men are far more likely to perpetrate violent and sexual crimes. And, when it comes to assaults outside the home, are also far more likely to be victims of violent crime.