How do YOU challenge the patriarchy?

[LorlieS]

Personally speaking.

Examples for me include being a married Ms MyLastName, equal share of household chores and childcare with husband etc. Do these sound like silly and insignificant examples?

I suppose if more people challenged these "small" things it would make a big difference ultimately?

No marriage or kids for me. Partner and I are both bisexual (but he is male and I’m female) and I feel this gives our relationship a different dimension to a heterosexual one, and I like that. I don’t shave any body hair. I speak my mind, put myself first and don’t care what people think of me. I talk about feminism and the patriarchy to anyone who’ll listen.

I spent my whole career in construction changing rules men put in place to make things easier for those that came behind me.

And I own tools. Lots and lots of tools.

I didn’t need to at home because those things were a given (35 years ago).

I subsequently discovered that was quite unusual!

I work on construction projects occasionally (I am a man).
Even now and in Scandinavia, there are a group of men that tend to be seen by th ewomen on these projects as the "non-creepy" men. That in Scandinavia, with all its progess, that this is still a minority is horrifying.
(sorry, I have no point and this is probably obvious to you all, but was shocking to me).

I have a full bush. I'm keep it tidy but I ain't waxing it off. Nope. No way.

I never thought much about patriarchy until the last couple of years during demise of my thirty year marriage .. I realise that I have lived my life largely to patriarchal societal expectations on marriage, sex, relationship, religion etc.. all influenced me. My spouse was not as bad as my dad was to my mum, but still the expectations on a woman's duty in marriage I never felt totally comfortable with.. even my vicar father in law told me as a new mother, when my libido dropped, it was important for me to provide sex to his son... A man needs it supposedly... At that time I was still having sex with my spouse but not as much as he wanted.... Religion had it's part to play... Women submit to your husband.. I really believed in the Christian ideal of marriage ...I was also told by my father in law porn is normal.. why did I tolerate all this nonsense? Social conditioning and a spouse who lectured me often on this... I was too independent and he felt threatened, he was needy, insecure and demanding... I was young when I met my spouse, no experience.

How do we challenge the patriarchy, we educate women and men and boys and girls. Born in the 1960s, I grew up in a patriarchal family... The man was dominant and wife submissive.. I felt once you had sex you had to marry a guy... I was swept along by social expectations... Today things are much better but in some ways just as bad.

It has took me a lifetime to learn a lesson that I don't need to go along with social norms. If I was to meet a guy again, I'd check out his values? Would he have patriarchal expectations of an ever sexual partner? Would he respect me for who I am and not for what he can get from me? Would he be hooked at porn and unable to see how women and kids are harmed by this mysogynistic industry, or would he be entitled and effectively blinded by his lust.... That he can no longer see the reality that many women involved in sex work or porn suffer?

I am sure the key to challenging mysogyny is to challenge societal or religious expectations placed on girls and women and teach boys and men the value of women, above their sexual parts and how we can service a man's desires. Some of us, like me, were given no sex education either... It was never spoken about, nor the sexual expectations of men... My mother's upbringing was like back and think of England.

It's certainly time for change and change would be a good thing

I have career and family life on my own terms. Yes it's been hard.

I don't subscribe to all of the standards of female appearance but choose what i want. Eg. Wear flat shoes most of the time but have heeled boots that i can walk in that i somtimes wear to a restaurant, or go to public swimming baths with hairy legs but generally epilate for summer dresses. Don't do all that ridiculous beauty stuff like fillers etc

I point out to everyone where misogyny and inequality exist. I discuss this especially with the younger generation as we thought we had achieved equality in the 90s and we were wrong. I often say that if men wanted there to be equality there would be by now. I don't think things are improving and if anything society is more misogynistic and inequality is more entrenched.

As I’m male, I suppose I am the patriarchy. But I try to be respectful to women (can’t pretend I’ve always got that right) and I don’t have much time for the gender expectations called ‘femininity’, such as pressures to remove hair or to use makeup. I do most of the cooking, some of the housework, and hardly any of the gardening. I don’t pretend to be a shining example of how men should behave; I am how I am and I try not to be an arse.

I say no when I’m asked to take minutes in meetings.

I comment on it when we visit someone and the hostess and/or some of the female guests are all slaving away in the kitchen while the host is sitting down with a drink in his hand.

I explain to good men that they underestimate the amount of men who are nasty to women. That the nasty men behave very differently when there are no other men around so they shouldn't think that just because they have seen a man in general be respectful towards women that that is how he'd behave when there are no other men around. I let them know this for a number of reasons. One of them is to explain to them why I don't just believe them when they tell me that a fellow is a decent bloke and that their word is not enough for me to be willing to be alone with a man who is a stranger or almost a stranger to me. Another reason is so that they know why they shouldn't share a woman's contact details without her consent. I has also come up during conversations about the MeToo movement.

I have written to at least ten politicians about safe guarding of women's spaces.

I complain to television networks if they have a show, documentary, news segment etc. in which they let TRAs statements go unchallenged, if they embrace the "transwomen are women"mantra or if they spew sexist critizism against female politicians, scientists or celebrities. I mean: it is fine to disagree with any politician but why name a female politician "The Handbag"? They didn't name the male prime minister who was her predecessor "The Beer Belly" or "The Fraudster". He actually lost a government post once for "creative accounting" but they prefer a male fraudster ( who owns a lot of expensive wine for a short period of time) to a competent woman who owns an expensive handbag.

I have had two letters to published in which I complained about sexist comments in articles. They usually call before they publish them in order to ensure that one actually is the person who wrote the letter. In one case, the woman who called me was like "Hell, yes!"

My education is within a field that used to be male dominated. It isn't anymore.

I married a wonderful man who is a good cook and takes his part of the chores. Also takes his part of the mental load. We taugth both our children to cook and do laundry etc. Which our son is very happy about. He said that least he didn't have to learn to do that at the same time as all the administrative tasks that moving involves. My husband taught him how to make a new meal last time he visited. It was a meal our son had missed but never learned to cook.

Thank you, @Fimofriend , for that post.
What you refer to is something that has hit me and that how how much bad male behaviour is not visible to other men.
"I explain to good men that they underestimate the amount of men who are nasty to women. That the nasty men behave very differently when there are no other men around so they shouldn't think that just because they have seen a man in general"
I have on a couple of occasions been shocked by things. I remember a very beautiful couple who were teens chatting to me and my colleague. But my colleague in his early 50s was clearly leering obviously at this girl who was about 17. That shocked me, but what really hit home was that she did not seem phased by it at all and was happy to have the conversation with me in these circumstances. I was not - my conversation is not that good. It might amaze women but I was shocked in my mid 40s.
On intense construction projects, I am in the group of men regarded as safe by the women on the project. To think that I am in the least creepy end is a shock.

Men tend to only interrupt women. But one outcome of this is that men will largely experience being interpreted by women. It takes effort to appreciate the full dynamic at play.

I see one thing in the media, having travelled. Women are portrayed as existing in reference to the men in their lives. American sit-coms are extreme for showing the typical family as having a beautiful, smart and high achieving wife devoted to a numb-nut husband as a comforting nonsense (I think even MN perpetuates this story). What I enjoyed about Fleabag was the lead character was flaw, self-centred, wrong and sympathetic in a way usually reserved for male characters. I do sometimes think that some women are putting up with unusualy bad treatment as media (including MN) tell them it is normal.

I passed on what my mother had done - she had a career in the 1950s in something that is still male-dominated, so quite an outlier, and remains a complete petrol-head, again very much an outlier in her generation.

She prized education for all her DC (both sexes), expected university level, and did not require us to do anything round the house - on the general basis that we should enjoy our childhoods and that anyone of normal intelligence would learn how to cook, use washing machine etc when they needed to.

I was (silently) horrified when a friend at Guides told me (whilst campfire cooking together) that her DMum had her learning how to do the Sunday Roast as "one day you'll have a husband and he'll expect it"

My DMum just expected us to be independent and to believe ourselves capable. I hope I'm passing that on to my offspring

I talk to my young sons about it in a age appropriate way so that they grow up seeing the inbalance and also challenge it. I teach my young daughter about it also and make it clear that her voice is valid.

Our household is also split 50/50 in child care and chores again showing the kids especially the boys that men do these things too.

In day to day life I can be out spoken and challenge things that I don't agree with.

In the grand scheme of things it is all small stuff but every little bit helps.

By refusing to pander to fragile male egos at work and taking the time to mentor and support younger women coming through the ranks.

I don't do wife work.

I have my own home & income.

I don't do anything for a man's sake.

I try to consume arts/culture in a way contingent with my radical feminist values.

My kids have got my name (I'm amazed by how rare that is)
I will not shave my bush for anyone
I don't have or want a partner ( this is not a prerequisite to challenging the patriarchy but it helps)- earn own money etc

I will not do something because I'm female, whether it's wifework at home or similar at work, (I'm the only woman in the organisation).
I instill the same into my DDs that the lack of a penis should not keep you from doing what you want.
My DH shares the chores, he's better than me at the cleaning tbh. We are an equal team and it works great, we actually earn the same too.
I saw my Mum deeply unhappy in her traditional marriage with financial abuse, no way was I going to do that.

Much of the above.

Start with small children, with their toys and books. For example, don't read Dear Zoo, or change some of the pronouns so that the big/loud/scary animals are female. In pretend play make sure the females are strong capable characters.

Don't do wife work. I actually do most of the cooking but DH does most of the cleaning. Our DC grew up assuming ironing was a male role.

I’ve spent years campaigning against gender ideology and in support of single sex spaces & sports. Still fighting.

Don’t do the card and present buying for your partner. My DH takes care of all this stuff for his family and would find it strange if I did it. I am amazed by supposedly “feminist” friends who act like their partners assistant. At Xmas time they are working themselves ragged making sure they buy everyone gifts.

@FourChimneys that annoys me about Dear Zoo too! It's so infuriating - like, how do you think baby lions are born, children's writers? They can't ALL be male!

My small rebellion - while my kids were too small to name their own toys I named them roughly 50:50 m:f and it's stuck - my son will now receive a truck or gorilla and automatically give it a female name 👏

when we see people out and about I try to name skills equally too, so recognising a female runner as being strong or tough, noticing if a man has a nice hat (crap examples but you get the idea)

At home we watch and talk about female sport as much as male and just call it by the sport's name rather than adding the prefix 'women's'.

Much smaller than some of these but I won't usually move out of the way for a man on the pavement, not unless they are already making a movement to go round me. I know not all men barge into women as if we were invisible but many do.

I've had a couple of very surprised faces in the supermarket too!

Tiny wins.

I am small but I am fierce!

I preface all sports with men’s - so men’s football, men’s rugby!

I teach Economics and (to my sadness) it's even more male dominated than it was in the 90s when I was at university. So I take special pains to encourage and support the girls in my A-level clases and I choose resources, films, books and news clips written by/fronted by women as much as possible.

I talk to female colleagues about things like making sure they've read the pay policy and about pensions. I believe that knowledge is power.