How do YOU challenge the patriarchy?

[LorlieS]

Personally speaking.

Examples for me include being a married Ms MyLastName, equal share of household chores and childcare with husband etc. Do these sound like silly and insignificant examples?

I suppose if more people challenged these "small" things it would make a big difference ultimately?

I wear one of these…

https://blackandbeech.com/collections/knits/products/cardigan-pink

Im getting quite feisty in my old age, and will not tolerate misogynistic behaviour anywhere.

@Spendonsend - your post did make me smile (although my EX thought himself far too important to attend any medical appointment…)

It's scary how common this one is. It's such a simple thing, but so demonstrative of company culture. I just left a company where the team was ~15 people, and the three women, regardless of position or qualifications, were ALWAYS asked to write minutes.

They actually tried to dress it up as equality by having a different person do it each week, but it invariably ended up as the three women taking it in turns grudgingly.

@PinkNavy26, I assume your post was a joke at the expense of the kind of men who pride themselves on not hitting women.

@sashh, thank you for your kind post. I very much agree. For many feminists, claiming as a man to not have been cruel would be rather like a concentration guard after WW2 claiming he knew nothing. As feminists disagree with each other, calling myself a feminist would involve me as a man arguing some women have feminism wrong, which would not be a sensible position I think.
@Elvanseshortage, thank you. I chatted with a close colleague about in my white male dominated industry, my career has largely been championed by people who are non-white and women. That I should be unusually not racist nor creepy sexist is not a point of pride, but a horrific reflection of what is normal. If I might ruin my image, I also have not had the experience that matches much of British feminism (I live in Scandinavia so this is less of an issue).

• I never married by choice
• Short hair, no waxing/shaving of my bush
• Refusing to be patronised by men in general
• Live my life as I wish to live it
• Removed myself from the online dating 'meat market' as I refuse to deal with yet another porn obsessed, open-relationship/casual sex seeking loser guy.

It has been a long road though as I was born and raised by a really conservative and abusive family and the message I got about my body and women were really toxic and I wasted way too much time worrying about what men thought of me/trying to be attractive to them when I was young.

Never married DP
Always worked and saved and made sure I had my own savings
Brought my DD up to be an awesome feminist

But I'm also a shit feminist role model because my relationship with DP is really unequal. I basically do everything and he does sod all.

Where are you writing from @PinkNavy26?

@PinkNavy26 I stand by my original post.

If you have 49 days away then you should absolutely be doing the housework, or hire a cleaner. THose 49 days she is being a mother 24/7.

It's irrelevant whether you re an employee or a contractor, stand up and call out behaviour that is not appropriate.

WHy should you do this? Well a woman may be treated badly several times in one day, but if she complains she is seen as a trouble maker, if one man calls it out then, sadly, it is believed.

There is a link to the initialisations (I hate that they call them acronyms on here when they are not).

DD - dear daughter
DH - dear husband
DP - dear partner
DS - dear son
DM - dear mother

TBH, I thought you were going to say India.

I’m Ms My Own Name.

I don’t laugh at ‘jokes’ that are rooted in misogyny, no matter how awkward an atmosphere is created.

I’m vocal in my support for safe spaces for women.

I don’t take any shit from men. I’ve been called ‘scary’, ‘brutally honest’ etc. I’m really not. I’m nice! I just don’t take shit from men and the vast majority of them don’t like it at all.

My sons had toy dolls and prams, toy kitchen equipment etc when they were little.

I’ve never really worn heels. I like to be able to run if necessary.

I have really, really short hair 😀

My DH does the vast majority of the housework. That’s him challenging the patriarchy though - I never asked him to!

My youngest has my last name (I wish my eldest did too but I was younger then, and less aware) and I try my best to raise my children to reject the restrictions and stereotypes imposed by gender though its a constant battle with what they learn from media and their peers. My son listens to the Free To Be...You And Me album every night which I think has some brilliant messages

I'm training in a male dominated field, most of my class are male. I refuse to make the coffee (I drink tea anyway) or put the dishwasher on (they all just leave their cups piling up in the sink until someone gives in and puts them in the dishwasher but I hand-wash my mug and refuse to clean up after the boys)

How do you find the two with different names? DH wanted us to do this - boys have his name, girls mine and as we have one of each, we would have been in this situation. I just couldn't face what I suspected would be endless explanations to people, confusion at school etc. (we all make decisions sometimes that we know aren't necessarily 100% based on principle).

I don't regret my decision, but I do think about it sometimes.

My oldest has a different dad so different situation, but my experience from that made my OH very happy for our son to have my name.
No one has ever actually questioned it but my son starts school this autumn so it might come up when he gets the same preschool teacher his sister had but I suspect no one will think anything of it, won't be the first siblings they'll have come across with different names I'm sure.

I think that was part of it for me - if the DC have the same name, there's a greater chance they have the same dad and I didn't want them to have to be explaining who their father was? It's ridiculous and I fully accept that my thinking was not exactly "feminist" but I just couldn't face it.
By the time we had DD, we were married for 7 years already and I am one of those women who have found that people were very quick to have a LOT to say about my decision not to talk DH's name. I couldn't face those sort of questions and judgements starting all over again.

Don't blame you for not wanting to face questions or judgement. I'm lucky as I live isomewhere where more women keep their own name, and people tend to avoid prying into private lives.

One of the things I like about DS' secondary school is they don't seem to have any problems whatsoever calling me Ms Tonight vs Mrs DS/DHname. It's such a small thing but in 13 years of parenting, it's the first time it's been painless. I find it astonishing that it's been so difficult for so many places.

As a child, teen, young adult and adult I have never allowed anyone to stop me or tell me what to do.

Married but didn't change my surname. Said no to engagement ring. Bought my own wedding ring.

Have a great career and husband doesn't feel emasculated.

Husband cooks 99% of the time and does his fair part in everything else. He sorts presents and cards for his side of the family.

My dad was a SHAD for a few years so it was normal for me to see a man doing everything around the house.

However I do wear heels and make up.

Edited to add: if we have children I'll probably be happy for them to take his surname because mine is a pain, but I don't care about having a different surname.

I'm always Ms. DH and I chose a last name for ourselves when we got married so that we and our future dc would all share a name.

I try to call out everyday sexism. When my dc (2 boys) were small they had a range of toys including dolls, prams, toy kitchen etc.

I'm slightly taken aback by some of the comments on here saying not shaving your pubes = challenging the patriarchy. But if that does indeed count, then that's another way I'm doing it.

I make all unknown things female eg ducks / other animals / characters in stories

I use women as examples when discussing scenarios in work

Wiping back to front.

On a serious note though - I make sure I educate my class about the history of women and read them lots of empowering stories about girls and women.

I have dated several men from cultures where everything (now marrying one)is still very unfair for women . I am ‘terrible at cooking’ (make simple quick food not to a recipe) and hate washing up and cleaning and DP ends up doing more of those things, while I take on organisational roles etc. If I’m asked to dress differently, then tit for tat so DP has changed his dress sense now(I’m happy to dress modestly for appropriate occasions anyway but not when hypocritical).
Definitely getting revenge for all the women of a ME country with terrible women’s rights now!

I raise my son right. I believe in my bones I am equal to a man and act accordingly. I dress and present myself for my own approval only.

Never married. Refuse to enable men as it just becomes almost inevitable in a marriage.

Career. Single parent and work full time so feel I am a good role model to women.

Try to support all the women in my team and ensure they have the training to get ahead.

Have volunteered for and lobbied for around prochoice and women's health.