How do YOU challenge the patriarchy?

[LorlieS]

Personally speaking.

Examples for me include being a married Ms MyLastName, equal share of household chores and childcare with husband etc. Do these sound like silly and insignificant examples?

I suppose if more people challenged these "small" things it would make a big difference ultimately?

I must confess I've never understood why having a bush is feminist. Surely it's just a facet of modern grooming like men shaving?

I think if all men stopped shaving completely it'd be pretty horrendous. They'd look like cavemen. 😂

It goes back to second wave feminism in the mid 20th century when men didn’t remove their body hair until apart from shaving their faces so some feminists argued that women shouldn’t either. Lots of women didn’t shave their armpits either. And there’s also the link of removal of pubic hair with porn.

I submit to it, it's not all that bad

In the late 80s, when I was doing Economics A-level, I used she/ her pronouns whenever I was referring to investors/ Chancellor of the Exchequer/ business owners in my written answers both in class and in the exam. I got an A!

Challenge sexism and misogyny when I see it / hear it.

Chose a man who understands his privilege and challenges his own understanding and experience of life based on being a man.

Raising boys who respect girls / women.

Work in a predominantly male space and push hard to learn as much as I can so I can take up senior roles.

be staunchly pro choice and gender critical and not afraid to be clear about my position when needed.

constantly challenge my own perspective of what being a woman is in our society and push myself to go against the more harmful narratives (not be slim, attractive, docile, feminine, accepting / accommodating)

probably lots more I do and lots more I can do

But most men trim their pubes and shave their faces. I can see the porn link but I guess I just feel like it's more a part of modern fashion. Like, I'd probs be turned off by a guy with a mahoosive 80s mullet.

I actually think it's easier for us to look like the ideal stereotype than it is for men. Facial beauty is obv a genetic lottery but aside from that we just need to be slim. Blokes are expected to be lean and muscley and that takes years of training (or steroids) to accomplish. You can't just hop on the cross trainer a few times a week to get 'the ideal male physique'.

But most men trim their pubes

They might well now. They definitely didn’t 40 or 50 years ago.

I don’t hide tampons up my sleeve on my way to the loo in the office!

I make sure my sons see that DH do equal amounts of chores.
I make sure they see our paid jobs as equally important and worthwhile even though our salaries and job titles aren’t.
I make sure they see me exercise and be proud of my ability to lift weights but also unashamed of my body in a bikini. I never apologise for eating what I want, I never call myself greedy, I never say ‘oooh I shouldn’t’

I work in a male dominated industry and have made sure I’ve done formal and informal mentorship programmes in all my workplaces, helping women who already work or want to work in this industry.

I’ve been vocal about how my mat leaves and subsequent flexible working made me as good, if not better, an employee and I’ve helped colleagues use me as an example for their own flex working

And I’ve schooled DH in all sorts of subjects he didn’t realise he wanted to know about but is a better person for knowing. Wifesplaining?

I didn't think women did in the 70s?

Most didn’t. It was just legs and armpits. Men didn’t do anything south of the neck.

They might trim their pubes but they tend not to shave or wax them, which is what's expected of women. Quite a different level of 'grooming'

Do they? My DH doesn’t and I wouldn’t expect him to. I don’t wax or shave mine either but I do trim occasionally as a personal preference (not currently as I’m pregnant and can’t reach or see 😂). My DH has no preference because it’s not his body.

I feel like you can have a preference even if it's not your body. Like, I wouldn't find a morbidly obese male attractive even if it's not my place to dictate his lifestyle. I couldn't be with a man that wasn't reasonably well groomed. If it was a Tom Hanks in Castaway situation it'd give me the ick tbh.

I challenge stereotypes both at work and at home. It does jolt my male colleagues sometimes. And has given my DH food for thought on several occasions.
Have kept my own name (both parents) and try to raise my boys well. My DSD says it has been a success compared to many other boys she knows. My boys are 18 and 20, she is 18.

I do my own work and refuse to be the default house-keeper. We share that.

I keep my body hair when I teach swimming to mixed classes and single sex classes. It is good for both sexes to see that underarm hair on a woman does not impede ability or movement!

Also; I’m tiny but like another pp refuse to give way in shops or on the pavement. It is quite funny. No one has dared to barge in to me yet.

The undoing of it needs to be done by men imo. DH does the school runs and playground stuff, organises the class teacher gifts in the parent watsapp, cooks mon-Fri buys his own family birthday/ Christmas presents wraps, sends and remembers.
I ask for pay rises at work, have refused promotions when the pay was not enough, refuse to be pushed around or easily flattered and fawn all over the men at work who represent 95% of senior management, most of whom I can’t tell what they even do.

I don’t participate in gossip at work.
Women being divided and competitive plays into the hands of the patriarchy really well so I’m the opposite, always mentoring younger women and role modelling being kick-ass in many situations.

I keep my own money and own a little flat in only my name not DH’s.

I never participate in diet/ shame/ food related talk. I hate all the “I’m being good this week bs. You’re still good if you’re eating chocolate cake for breakfast.

I tried to be a stepmother but it was unrewarding and thankless so I simply gave up trying.
People said it would be the end of my marriage but it’s been the best role I’ve ever opted out of.
Step-parenting plays into the hands of the patriarchy on so many levels. Don’t want it. The beauty of opting out of the role as imagined by society is that everyone has you down and the bad guy anyway so you have nothing to lose by sacking it all off if your boundaries and needs aren’t respected. 💪🏼

It's not a challenge to me as much as it's an expectation that my husband will do 50% of the chores.

I have my own surname.
But then he has his mother's surname. So our kids have that.
I am bringing up my boys to be feminists. To understand the difference between the sexist concept of gender & biological sex.
I champion women and sisterhood.

Ah yes, getting him to sort his family's xmas presents is vital.

Married in a goddess temple with priestesses.
Ms. My last name

Daughter has a last name of her own, nothing to do with my or his last names.

I do DIY, I'm physically stronger than my husband.

Husband and I both cook, clean and do childcare. We both play with the baby.

I'm a very out witch. I wear a pointed black hat when I go out. I work with herbs, plants and fungi to make medicines and health supplements.

I yeah, i don't shave my pits either

It winds me up so much when people say guys! Do you always challenge it?

Why can't people say "everyone"? Pisses me off

Exactly this.

Unrelated, I had a bit of a lightbulb moment a few posts into this thread when one of the posters said she was too independent (or something along those lines). I realised, or re-realised, this is why I am single. I cannot make relationships work - maybe I have not been fortunate enough to meet a man who shares the load etc, so I don’t feel fed up and resentful and better off just doing it all myself.

The thing is, I am not entirely sure that doing it all myself is challenging the patriarchy or just letting DC’s dad do whatever they want as they have no childcare responsibilities! I have been the sole parent for years. It is very liberating, but also - am I just the mug here? My career has stalled, I never have enough money, I have been single for more than a decade. I am not sure how this challenges anything except now and then my mental health. At the same time, bringing up DC has been one of the greatest privileges of my life.

I suppose I do spend some of my time in my professional life advising younger woman how to be more strategic than I was professionally. I think many men have professional support or mentoring networks which women do not and do not realise that they are at a disadvantage here.