Does anyone else notice a rapid difference in how men treat you as you have aged?

[twinklebigstar60]

I'm 42 now and I noticed this started happening about 3 years ago. Male attention is something that I never even really cared about because I'm bisexual and prefer women, but it's kinda startling when I meet guys who were friendly once upon a time who treat me with total rudeness now when I'm still exactly the same person.

It used to kinda upset me when it happened first but now I think I can see it for what it is. It's kinda sad that so much male attention is shallow and transactional. Anyone else noticed this?

I do believe this is a thing although I'd argue you're probably being treated in the same way they treat everyone apart from women in their 20s and 30s i.e that subset demographic are the outliers. I guess the benefit is at least you don't get leered at now.

I bet it’s a tough realization/wake-up call if you grew up and live so far with pretty privilege.

The only good thing about always being an ugly woman has been that I always knew what men are really like.
Not that I wanted to know, but at least there wasn’t any rude awakenings when I got older.

Not really. But I’m fat so men have always tended to outright ignore me as much as possible, even in professional settings.

Yeah, I don't get free stuff all the time anymore, it was fun while it lasted!

Yep. I’ve had a taste of fatphobia having put on 4 stone throughout my 30s. I still get ID’d and both friends and strangers comment on how young I look, so I don’t think it’s an age thing. In fact since 2021 and losing 2 stone I’ve noticed I’ve now become a bit more visible to men and receiving better treatment despite the fact I’ve aged 2 years.

I think this explains why young women are so supportive of trans women and older women can see through their shit.

@UglyNameChange you're right. Apart from a very disturbing incident with a 5th year boy not long after I started secondary school I have never experienced leering, catcalling etc. I guess it's the one advantage of being a minger (other people's verdict not mine). I've never experienced getting things free, people going out of their way to help me or any of the "pretty privilege" things. I think my crap relationships have been because society has told me I don't deserve premium relationship material and for too long I believed it and took the any port in a storm approach.

No. my wieght has been up and down all my life. Men have always been fine, interacted about the same as women.

I have come across certain type of men though, who have never had the time of day for me bordering on rude but not quite, yet they are chatty, flirty, charming with practically any woman in the within their eye sight. I've just clocked them as wankers, and usually been right. I've met total of about 10 of these men over 30 years.

I was always angry at the world as a youth and so often had ugly attitude and as a consequence was considered ugly by men. I was always treated badly by men. Even nice ones ignored me and were barely civil. Men only are nice if u are pretty or their women make them be nice period

I have noticed the complete opposite. In my 30s and early 40s I was overweight, overworked, always exhausted, libido zero due to the pill. My kids are a bit older now I'm in my late 40s, I'm very senior at work which means lots of ambitious young men need to learn from me. I have time to take care of myself so lost weight, hair done, time to choose nice clothes, money to pay for it all. I get a lot of positive attention and it is largely because of my expertise in my area, as well as how I look. Also I just have the confidence now not to give a f* and I think that shows too.

I got catcalled and bothered most when I was a teenage girl.

I'm happy to be left alone!

But that reinforces the point OP is making, about how men treat women.

Yes, I know. I'm just saying that it is about a bit more than just youth. Expertise, authority, and yes, power, can be attractive qualities, if they are mitigated by other personality traits. But women are less often in a position to exercise these and possibly more hesitant to own them in some cases (self deprecating, anxious due to perimenopause or other reasons, unconsciously playing to a narrative of deferring to men.) I am not saying this is a better scenario; it has pitfalls too; just more nuanced than she suggests.

Yes confidence and personal hygiene make a huge difference. My point was, if u don't make an effort or are confident and pretty men treat u like sh8te. Or a woman is making him behave. I would guess 2%of men are nice just to be nice

One of the few benefits of being fat is that men don't speak in chat up lines and they listen to what I'm saying. There's no underlying agenda when I interact with them. It's been this way since my early 30s so I haven't had that sudden change when my age started to show. It does make me anxious to lose weight and is one of the psychological hurdles I face that stops me from dieting even though my body really would feel better if I shifted some pounds. My weight is my suit of armour.

In a way, yes, but my experience is definitely not as stark as yours. I find I am able to talk to/with men in a way that is different now, and hard to explain. It's easier; equitable.

And while I am definitely not noticed in the way I was, I certainly don't feel 'invisible' as some women say here - just visible in a different way. Many times, it's a relief. I used to need to validate myself through men, which was exhausting and it took years of therapy to reconnect to something inside me that is my own. The more I do this, the less I mind about how others see me, the less men's attention matters.

Not really. I'm in my early 50s and although I long ago stopped getting flirtatious male attention (which I don't miss), I generally find men otherwise polite and friendly to me.

I find as I get older, its not so much a difference in how I'm treated, but in my ability to notice how men behave and challenge it. Guess it comes with experience / age, really. I do find myself noticing 'nice' men better than before!

I've noticed I get more respect and taken more seriously by men now. I'm 50. They still check me out as often as ever (no, I'm not particularly good looking or anything). I don't expect anything from them in the way of special attention, so maybe that's it? My mother says she feels invisible as she gets older, but she is always hung up on male attention for affirmation. I have no doubt it's true that women become less visible as they get older (is that true for men too?) but I'm not there yet.

Yep.
I’m 53 and my boss is incredibly patronising to me. I’m also excluded from social things by younger staff. I was in the office recently when another staff member invited everyone to his party apart from me. He is the same person who is always going on about inclusivity. I didn’t want to go to his party but it was still mortifying.
I’ve just backed off from any social interactions with them and keep in very professional. Sometimes I take my lunch and sit in my car. The irony is they rely on me professionally and my experience is very important to them. They’re always seeking my advice about what they need to do.
There is a staff WhatsApp group for going out - guess who isn’t on it. I found this out by accident.
I like my job enormously and although my boss is patronising he isn’t too bad. I’m challenged and engaged with my role.
I miss having friends at work but I don’t like these people because of the way they have excluded me.
Lunch in my car is actually ok. I listen to good things and don’t have to worry everyone is avoiding sitting with me. I have friends so I’m not lonely at any other time.

After a career change in my 40s, I’ve been really struck by how much harder the job market is than when I was a 20 something flopsy. Even though I’m actually much better at what I do now than what I did then, I’m just not seen as an exciting employment prospect.

I'm mid 40s and feel like people (women and men) treat me worse as a whole. I feel I am more actively disliked rather than liked these days socially. It's weird as I don't think I have changed personality wise. I have put on weight and aged though. So could be linked to weight as well as age. Tough one to deal with mentally.

No, but I was never attractive in my youth so never on most men's sexual radar.

As a young woman I was blonde and busty, so I got a lot of negative attention from men. I got wolf whistled and heckled by male drivers, from building sites, etc. I also got felt up in bars, pubs and clubs. A lot of men would openly stare at my chest, talk to my chest, make comments that they obviously thought were either complimentary or funny and were neither. All were really quite horrible, in retrospect, but they were my normal and at the time I didn't really appreciate how unacceptable those behaviours were, particularly as many of my friends experienced the same things and in the 90s young, blonde, busty woman was fair game for all kinds of shit.

I'm now in my late 40s and while my breasts are the same size, they don't attract that kind of attention any more, thank god! I haven't noticed anyone treating me less well yet due to age, although I've noticed I get more positive attention when I've made an effort or am feeling good/confident.