Does anyone else notice a rapid difference in how men treat you as you have aged?

[twinklebigstar60]

I'm 42 now and I noticed this started happening about 3 years ago. Male attention is something that I never even really cared about because I'm bisexual and prefer women, but it's kinda startling when I meet guys who were friendly once upon a time who treat me with total rudeness now when I'm still exactly the same person.

It used to kinda upset me when it happened first but now I think I can see it for what it is. It's kinda sad that so much male attention is shallow and transactional. Anyone else noticed this?

Yes, it's definitely women's fault. We should smile more.

Well, if you look like a miserable cow people will avoid you. That's kind of human nature lol.

And I do actually smile or say hello to strangers regularly. I'm sure you're horrified by this.

I used to get too much male attention and it just caused a lot of problems. When I reached about 52, the predatory creepy attention stopped but the attention from nice men has remained the same.

I'm enjoy going out more now, don't have to be constantly on guard.

I get far less attention now (approaching 40) than in my early 30s no doubt. I miss the sexy side eye thing from hot men in the street adding a bit of frission to an ordinary day! I don’t miss the older guys at work flirting to make themselves feel virile. Gross.

I’m not especially beautiful. Was pretty enough with youth on my side to atttact some handsome men. It sometimes surprises me to consider I no longer have the ‘passably attractive young woman card’ up my sleeve if I’m honest. That makes me sound like an awful person!

No I don't. But I see your ageism and attempt to malign women.

Well, we see what we want to see. You never come across as a very positive poster.

You don't owe it to anyone to be pleasant but neither do they owe it to you. Reap what you sow.

I can't say I miss the "beating men off with a stick" phase or the bitchy women looking me up and down and being vile because they saw me as some kind of threat phase. I'm actually much more confident and outgoing now that people take me for who I am, and no longer just seen as fuckable or competition. Both men and women are generally fine with me now. I don't feel invisible or dismissed, and I'm in my 60s.

Not really, I guess it depends on how you looked when younger and what you do I think. I am married, work from home now and have for the past 15 years and deal with clients online mostly. I don't drink and so don't go out to bars or clubs and most of the parties I go to are with old friends and family. If I am out and about I am in my own little bubble, often listening to music or audiobooks and not really paying to much attention to other people unless I have to interact with them i.e. in a shop and then I don't notice any poorer treatment or if I do I put it down to that member of staff having a bad day than my being too old, if anything I am more confident to smile and interact in a friendly way and that seems to make people smile at me. If I am out with friends or my husband I tend to be wrapped up in the person or people I am with and again I am not noticing other people. I am a homebody, always have been and prefer to be at home where nobody sees me at all apart from my husband so perhaps I am not out and about enough to be subject to other peoples negative treatment.

I think I must have been oblivious and in my own world my whole life I never noticed any additional attention when young and I don't notice less attention now, I suppose I tend to be pretty self contained and contented.

I don't miss the unwanted sexual attention . My heart used to sink as i knew I would have to knock them back and men don't like being knocked back and tend to get nasty . I don't miss the hostility from other women , or the assumption that I am stuck up , stupid and think I'm something special even before i open my mouth . Life is easier now I'm wrinkled and overweight . Loving being invisible.

I get more respect and zero flirtying/learyness. Works for me.

I'm finding men are friendly and more respectful now i'm mid 40s. Young men put me in the mother category i think. Men my own age have got over themselves on the whole, older men seem to see me as established.

When i was young, i wasnt someone men fancied or flirted with so they didnt see the point of me at all. They just ignored me/dismissed me as young women are for looking at.

I'm 31 now, I consider myself average on the attractiveness scale but since my teens I've had unwanted attention such as car horns beeped or whistles out of the window. Or cars pulled up next to mine at traffic lights with men pouting and smirking at me - eww. I've always dressed quite conservatively. Although that stuff still happens, I do find that people speak to me more like I'm an adult than they used to but I suppose I tend to look younger than I am. It always irks me that just because someone looks quite young, people think they can just not take you seriously or listen to you properly.

It used to be wolf whistles; now it's doors held open, an arm extended to help me on the bus, assistance to reassemble my trolley when it collapsed. Men are OK in different ways.

No.
They treat me exactly like they always have:

At best like I don’t exist or they are rude.
I’ve always been ugly though, so it was made very clear that I have no worth.

Actually, I guess there is one change.
When I was younger, men had to made it known that I’m ugly. And all the reasons why that is.
Now they don’t do that anymore.
So, I guess that.
Thank god for small favours, huh?

I bet it’s a tough realization/wake-up call if you grew up and live so far with pretty privilege.

The only good thing about always being an ugly woman has been that I always knew what men are really like.
Not that I wanted to know, but at least there wasn’t any rude awakenings when I got older.

Yep.
Same here.

I always said: I hope we get next life, because I’m going to come back as a beutiful woman and enjoy my life to the fullest and have no shame exploiting the pretty privilege 😆

Yes and I absolutely hate it. I used to turn heads and now I'm invisible. There really is great power with good looks as corny as it sounds

I have never noticed either extreme.

I’ve always worked in a very public facing role, I’m 52 now and men just as lovely and charming to me as they always were. If they aren’t that way then, just as I always have, I consider they’re generally a grumpy so and so and that it’s not personal. I smile and compliment people a lot in my job, no idea if this makes a difference in how people engage. I suppose there was the odd smarmy guy when I was younger; I am relieved not to encounter that kind of attention anymore.

I was in the office recently when another staff member invited everyone to his party apart from me. He is the same person who is always going on about inclusivity.

The hypocrisy! And I’m sure they’re all totally unaware how prejudiced they are. Ageism certainly gets a free ride.

There's also great power in being invisible. You can get up to all sorts of stuff and barely anyone notices (I'm not suggesting shop-lifting by the way)!

I’d bet you would feel differently if you had been invisible all your life.

I get that once you had everything (well most of it at least) in your life, then it’s fine to become more invisible.

I don't understand how you could suddenly go from good looking to not in a few years. Looks don't suddenly disappear

Believe it! I reckon I look like I've aged 5 years this last year alone!! I've had an enormously stressful few years and had a few warning signs, but this last year has taken the biscuit.
My skin and hair together have done a total number on me 😅

Ohhhhh absolutely. I didn’t realise pretty privilege was really a thing until I lost it 😂