Does anyone else notice a rapid difference in how men treat you as you have aged?

[twinklebigstar60]

I'm 42 now and I noticed this started happening about 3 years ago. Male attention is something that I never even really cared about because I'm bisexual and prefer women, but it's kinda startling when I meet guys who were friendly once upon a time who treat me with total rudeness now when I'm still exactly the same person.

It used to kinda upset me when it happened first but now I think I can see it for what it is. It's kinda sad that so much male attention is shallow and transactional. Anyone else noticed this?

This.

I’ve always largely been treated with condescension and contempt by most men I’ve encountered, give or take the occasional decent one with a few social graces. I’m married to one of the decent ones, I’m glad to say. 🙂I’d absolutely rip the balls off any man who tried ‘jokey flirting with the old lady’ and fully intend to cultivate being absolutely terrifying as I age. Granny Weatherwax, indeed!

I have found the creepy men are now the men who are rude to me or irritable towards me

god forbid I’m in their way to getting closer to a younger woman who is creeped out by them. I see this sometimes at work us older women protecting young women it’s very sisterly I remember being grateful when I was younger. Makes me feel quite emotional thinking how we will protect each other

I've never had any 'attention' from men, certainly no freebies or catcalls or drinks. I've had abusive threats and aggressive behaviour and insults hurled at me by men, including random strangers or acquaintances or colleagues, in my 20s and 30s. Now I'm older I don't get those any more, perhaps because I'm more assertive or just more reclusive.

I've always been slim and some people say I'm beautiful. I don't wear make up or dress in a feminine way, so I think this or my intelligence (nowadays I just have a cloud of brain fog, but I did well academically long ago) or my posh accent are what attracts the aggression.

I definitely don’t get noticed as much but I don’t expect to (nearly 50). But I still get attention; I’m slim which helps. I feel like my personality is appreciated more now. I’m more confident and not desperate for approval whereas when younger I was.

Agree

I experienced this support as a young 'un several times and have sadly had a few opportunities to pay it forward as an Oldie

I’ve had it because I used to be quite pretty in my youth. Pretty but always a bit much for men - raised by my dad, strong, naturally opinionated, vigilant about sexism, independent and would definitely have related to myself as a feminist from a very young age so although men used to be friendlier towards me than they are now, I always had an awareness of how the meek and mild, quiet and gentle women were the most popular with men and that very fact made me respect them even less.

I’m glad I was the way I was as a youngster because I only went out with men who were well-rounded and have married one who will listen to my regular rants about the mental load and react by taking 50% of it. A grown up man who doesn’t need to be to be his fucking mother!

Crossroadsh I didn't marry such a man.
I too was a bit of an opinionated feminist young woman who worked in a male dominated trade.My dh will do the chores and shopping as it won't all get done by me.
However he cannot really think for himself or get organised so I do feel like his mother.Dreadful.

Me too.

I’m 41 and one hand, I often feel ugly and invisible these days.

On the other hand, teenage boys no longer hurl random abuse at me and they actually seem quite respectful. So it’s swings and roundabouts.

That's a bit harsh. I have met more nice men than nasty ones, many more.

I had to speak to some builders last week who we're working next door. I'm a 56 year old woman you would have thought by their contempt towards me that I had slapped them before uttering a word. I don't care if I'm ignored when I have no desire to engage but I don't expect to have to deal with their contempt when I do.

How did I know they were displaying contempt you ask? 'Sorry love what? Laughing and looking at one another, looking away when you are talking, etc etc. it's all in the body language isn't it.

I noticed a huge difference in how I have been treated even in the space of a few years. I got the most attention when I was very underweight and anorexic which is actually quite sad. Nowadays I'm a healthy weight, I like myself and think I look good but am totally invisible. It doesn't bother me though because if attention is that fleeting and shallow it isn't really worth

I was the opposite - I got more attention from men when I was a bit overweight than when I was a bit underweight.

I got more compliments from other women when I was skinny, though.

@twinklebigstar60

Yes definitely. I was quite attractive from my late teens, throughout my 20s and 30s, and still OK-ish in my early 40s. (Always looked younger. 8-9 years younger at some points...) Then my mid 40s hit, and my age caught up with me. I went from being 43-44 and looking 35-38, to being 45 and looking like late 40s. I also gained 2 - 3 stone in my early 40s...

Basically, I sort of aged 11-12 years in a couple of years IYSWIM. I was shocked at being told I looked like 32 when I was 42, then just 2 or 3 years later, being offered an over 50s discount card in a store.

Whilst it is a relief in many ways to not be catcalled and whistled at and letched at, and to be able to walk down the street without being insulted and jeered at, I also get pissed off with how rude middle aged men are. (I am mid 50s now. I look it too.) I get treated with respect by men in their 30s and younger, and by men 64-65+. Men in their 40s and 50s, up to about 64 ignore me, or look at me like I'm something vile and smelly that they just stepped in.

I am quite short (5' 3") and as I said, I gained 2 to 3 stone in my early 40s. I am plump - 12 and a half to 13 stone. Started getting chubby at around 42-43 years old. The taller men look over my head and their eyes don't meet my eyes, they push in front in queues, they never let me in front (even when I have only got one item and they have 20,) they don't talk to me, and they sometimes look at me like I'm a piece of shit.

I think they're afraid if they acknowledge me politely that I may think they fancy me, and they don't want a fat old 50-something thinking they fancy them. OH THE HORROR! 😱 Too many gorgeous under 30 year old babes for the middle aged silver foxes, and sophisticated studs to run after! 😂

I got a hell of a shock about ten years ago when I stopped getting served quickly in pubs.

Up until the point it stopped, I had no idea it was even happening!

I always hated male attention unless it was friendliness so have enjoyed the decline into only decent blokes talking to me.
DH still flirts with me, in fact he has just done a little bum dance to try and get my attention. It worked momentarily. ,😁

As soon as my age on OLD showed 40, interest dropped off a cliff.

I think a lot of guys who still want kids assume 40+ is a no go.

I think the varied responses show it's not entirely straight forward. There's undoubtedly pretty privilege but the loss of that can be ameliorated by class/money/status privilege.

I (not stunning but pretty enough, short and very young looking into my 30s) definitely suffered from not being taken seriously enough when I was younger at work. I once was having a meeting with an academic who was a similar age to me (I have a PhD from a very prestigious University but work in industry rather than academia so we were 'equals') who wasn't pleased with my questioning of his research and eventually told me he didn't want to speak to me he wanted to speak to my bosses boss. Academics dotend to be snobby about folk on industry but 10 years later I was definitely able to get my view listened to in equivalent situations.

That's very cute. 😂

TRy being 81! Cardiologist explains to retired Sec Science teacher by drawing little circles. These are blood cells and can stick together! Yes some may need this but he has my history and I do not have dementia or mental health diagnosis.

I haven't been groped a pub for more than a decade which is nice.
Teenage boys tend to be polite and smile at me now. Also nice.
Definite upsides in those respects.
I haven't really noticed any difference in terms of respect at work, etc. Mostly being 50 is much easier than being 20.

Mixed. I've generally been treated fine by men. BUT I wonder how much of this is that I'm not desperately pretty. And I don't tend to wear makeup. I'm just middle of the road. When I am made up etc, you do notice a certain amount of attention. Not threatening but would get annoying over time.

I expect men to treat me as equal and mostly they do. I'm properly into my 40s now and am interested (and nervous) to see how it continues.

I do wonder if women becoming unhappier as they become older is a factor too. People tend to avoid those that look a bit grump.

Enough people have said it for me to believe it is true.

To be fair out of the sexes it’s the women that have been the most rude to me across my lifetime, although men have been the ones whose words have cut the deepest