Does anyone else notice a rapid difference in how men treat you as you have aged?

[twinklebigstar60]

I'm 42 now and I noticed this started happening about 3 years ago. Male attention is something that I never even really cared about because I'm bisexual and prefer women, but it's kinda startling when I meet guys who were friendly once upon a time who treat me with total rudeness now when I'm still exactly the same person.

It used to kinda upset me when it happened first but now I think I can see it for what it is. It's kinda sad that so much male attention is shallow and transactional. Anyone else noticed this?

Im 54 and disabled and have a kyphosis, wear a hair system for context.

Teens. I was fat. Treated like an 'extra' by men. Often laughed at.
20 and 30's as above.
40' Invisible.

Then the tide changed in my 50's. I got cancer, lost a load of weight. Got a hair system as I didnt want to look like I have cancer and its blonde. I get honked at if Im in my car by lorries, checked out when I am sitting down, smiled at.

I then stand up and they see I am disabled and it all grinds to a halt.

So when sitting, blonde, slim I appeal to the male gaze until they notice my disability.

Love this !

@Overdemanding it's the use of the word "using" the attractiveness to get ahead that I really object to. It may be so that they are getting some benefits. Somehow your description of "using" it really jars with me; it invalidates the women behind the beauty to a degree and also marks them all as if they have a manipulative tendency.

I really think your on to something here ... to me that hostility is very real and almost like the existence of women they don't want to shag means we're getting in the way of them sleazing on those they do.

I realised that quite a few men will be actually quite hostile in manner to older women

also younger women. It's worth reading the book "Hags". I've read about a third of it and it's interesting (though a bit too philosophical for me, but still a good read). Obviously men disdain older women because we're past the attractive/take to bed stage, but younger women do as well because they see and are scared of, their future selves.

Obviously men disdain older women because we're past the attractive/take to bed stage, but younger women do as well because they see and are scared of, their future selves

I've been convinced of this for a long time; that young women look at us and see that they won't always have the youth and beauty and health - and they project their fears for themselves as they age onto those older women.

No I genuinely haven't. Although I'm reasonably attractive I was never one of those women that got lots of make attention anyway. I'm now 48 and men are pleasant to me. Haven't noticed any change.

And older women see young, well the attractive one’s , having what they’ve now lost and treat the young (and again the attractive one’s) with disdain.

And then there’s ugly women who spend their whole lives being invisible and no man wants them and no woman wants to be associated with them.

What a world.

Yes but at 43 i no longer give a fuck, they can all fuck off 😆

My self worth was completely tied up in my looks in my 20s and 30s, it no longer is and while the transition to not being looked at by men is not nice at times ...it's eventually freeing

I did go though the invisible stage - which on positive side less cat calling and street harassment which had slowly decreased with time anyway - but it was from younger women and men did make it harder to get served in shops and often feeling dismissed.

Last week though I seem to have reached the jokey fake flirt you are never that old wink wink I've seen men do with much older women 60/70s or lowest ever 50s - though DD1 has often been stood next to me at time and not in professional environment situations - from men at best slightly older than me - which is depressing as I'm in later 40s not yet 50.

I am 67and I still get good natured flirty attention. I also find women are more chatty and friendly. Years ago I decided that if you are what we called A sparkly person people were nicer to you. I cultivate sparkliness. If you wander around presenting as negative you will not be treated as well as someone with positivity.

I'm still mid 30's so perhaps still have this to come but I have noticed the same kind of thing when I have put on weight.

I'm 66 and definitely went through an invisible stage, and I have to say I felt it from younger women just as much as from men. Not sure whether that's now passed or whether I've just got used to it.

But one thing I do enjoy these days is being able to have friendly conversations with men without having to worry about crossed wires or whether he might think I'm giving out signals when I'm not. It makes communication and relations far more straightforward and relaxed.

I have got severe bells palsy and it's astonishing how shit people treat you when you look different- I'm
Honestly invisible now

The same for me @SallyWD .
I'm nearly 60 and I've never had loads of men fall at my feet, but men are generally pleasant with me too. Also I'm now more self confident than I was when younger, so I'm happy to strike up a conversation if I want to.

Agree Hags is brilliant.

I was recently at event with lots of young women. I was honestly invisible to most of them. It was really astonishing.

Oh yes. I’m 50 and now completely invisible.

In my mid 50s haven't noticed any change to be Frank

I’ve found it positive largely, I have more power. I can intimidate some younger men and they are wary around me. I get offered seats and listened to. Men sense you don’t take shit anymore, also has a mother you have this aura of making men behave.

Yes there is a difference thank goodness.

It is a welcome relief not to be leered at.

I veered towards a male dominated career, and in my 20s was often the only female in a department. One place I worked there were 78 man and me- one woman. Never blessed with traditional prettiness, I did have big boobs, and was tall and slim. Dealing with innuendo, leering looks and comments happened on a daily basis. I would keep to my work area during breaks instead of using the coffee room.

Being older now I feel that I can breathe at last.

Yep I was conventionally very attractive, slim and petite.

I have noticed now I have hit menopause that my experience of moving through the world has completely altered.

I don't get looked at and acknowledged all the time by men anymore, don't get them singling me out to talk to in a group, have to now wait to cross the road .... lots
of examples - I could go on.

These were all things I just accepted as/assumed were normal. I thought (or actually never gave it any thought as I didn't notice it was happening till it stopped ) that was just because I was interesting/ men were being nice/polite.

I now realise it was solely down to what I looked like.

This thread reminds me of an observation Helena Bonham Carter made years ago, about how being pretty and middle class had made her life more difficult - 'If you're not pretty and you're working class, you have an easier time in terms of people's attitude towards you.'

Kathy Burke's response to her was pretty succinct - 'As a lifelong member of the non-pretty working classes, I would like to say to Helena Bonham Carter (wholly pledged member of the very pretty upper-middle classes): shut up you stupid cunt.'

It seems that the same argument is being brought up here. Attractive people of both sexes get treated differently. Has it only just dawned on some people?

I was never pretty so didn’t get much attention but was definitely patronised as a young woman in my career.

no fucker tangles with me now. Nobody. I am basically Granny Weatherwax.

Same

Yes I’m pleased I don’t get the same attention I don’t know how to deal with men objectifying me I was shy and didn’t want to look as though I was being unreasonable

i feel more respected at work and I’m ignored out of work which is fine by me