Do you think porn is going to get even more violent and men’s demand for so called ’kinky’ sex even stronger when hopefully women are getting braver to stay single?

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

Didn’t get any answer on the other board, so I’ll try here.

While women started to get more educated, be more at the work force and having little bit more say in who and when or if they date, porn was pushed more and more to the mainstream and violent sex with that.

There has to be a correlation.

And now there has been quite a few articles and studies of women choosing to remain single (they don’t usually say, but I’m guessing some women at least are also opting out of having sex with men) and single and childfree women being happiest demographic.

Do you think that sexual behaviour, weather it’s porn / men using prostitutes / so called kinky community or ’sex positivity’ movement that is constantly eroding women’s boundaries, will get even more violent and degrading towards women?

Correlation isn't causation

And I amnt sure I agree that it's more mainstream - it's always been there in plain sight

And you could be accused of blaming women for any rise in porn and male sexual abuse ?

How would it be blaming women?

To be clear, I don’t think it’s rape and violence is women’s fault.

With kink/porn men just show/push their dominance and show their anger/hatred toward women.
And if they can’t get women to be submise in other way, then hide it behind ’sex positivity’.

I think its also the rise of internet porn. Before then it was magazines/videos and it was a bit niche/almost a joke. It went from that to on-tap, normalised sexual images of anything for free for anyone so fast comparatively speaking (and unprecedented really in the whole of human history). And what people chose to look at is now monitored by algorithms which then suggest more. Its a real life (insane) social experiment.

I would like to think so OP, but sadly I wonder if teenage girls will just see violent sex as normal given that they are often exposed to the same kind of violent porn as teenage boys.

The internet is still in its wild west/early stages and as longer term studies come out on social usage and porn sites, I think we will see more legislation come into place, rather like cigarettes and fuel emissions.

I think the staying single is a bit of a side issue with a lot of other extenuating circumstances.

But I do agree that the normalisation of porn is a worrying factor for women. The normalisation means that young girls and women are being coerced into believing it's quite normal by it's prevalence and therefore feel that they shouldn't object...that's wrong, but that's what's going on. And subsequently from this, I fear, that girls and young women will subjugate themselves in an abnoramal way which will take quite a few generations to resolve.

And yes, I think it will get more and more violent ( it already has) and yet again women will be made to feel but cos it's already mainstream which it will be...pushing the envelope until accepted.

I think they are sadly already doing so - a young woman told me recently (and quite matter-of-factly), that women all have an innate desire to be brutalised during sex and that’s why porn features violence. I could barely speak for ten minutes, I just didn’t know what to say to that. 😢

Amazing and incredibly sad how this current porn culture (inculcated by money and the internet, not by women’s rights) has done such an absolute number on women - now they believe their innate destiny is to be hit during sex! We really are in the middle of a backlash against women.

Yes, I agree it has captured women in a very worrying way! It's quite shocking. I feel sometimes, as women, we have gone backwards

Yes, unfortunately I think you're right. We've regressed to medieval levels of brutality. I now live with a woman and have no desire at all to have any relationship with any man beyond business settings or very superficial friendship as in some cases their sexual boundaries and expectations would be so far out of my comfort zone it would actually make me feel ill and permanently afraid for my safety.

I can't even bear to imagine how warped and abusive the world is becoming for so many younger people who think that waking up covered in bruises after sex is normal, just as one example I've encountered recently.

I've seen some article that most people today that are currently single are happy single saying they dont want a relationship and a lot dont even would consider a date without compromise. I dont remember the exact percentages but i think the point is that a lot has changed in attitudes and culture over the decades. It is a generational difference in values, i dont think it is men vs woman or was the article that you saw comparing woman choosing to stay single with men choosing to stay single?

The big factor behind the increase in the availability of porn is technology. I think it is very hard to legislate against it in the same way as access to tobacco or alcohol so I think that we will continue to see a trend to mainstream material that was considered very hard core a few years ago, such as choking. There are huge pressures to agree to something for fear of being thought boring or repressed.

Are you saying you think there's a link between women being single will actually make men like violence even more?!

There's no correlation between the two situations described in your OP.

Except in the minds of those who need help to understand their wish to control someone. Perhaps quite a lot of professional help with this.

The men I know are able to accept women as having their own, independent, needs and desires, which may be fulfilled within marriage or co-habitation, work, hobbies, friendships.

Men who wish or need to control women were boys who felt so precariously attached to those who should have lived and cared for them but were not able to.

A great deal of professional help is needed for them. And it isn't easy to find or access in these days of limited public funding.

i dont think it is men vs woman or was the article that you saw comparing woman choosing to stay single with men choosing to stay single?

I’m reffering to the news & articles that pop’s up now and then about single women, and mainly the claims that more women choose to stay single.

able to accept women as having their own, independent, needs and desires, which may be fulfilled within marriage or co-habitation, work, hobbies, friendships.

I’m not sure how this is relevant.
You’re talking about married/in relationship women.
Of course plenty of men are happy to have gf/wife (and who isin’t around that much).
Win-win for them.

This is about women who opt out men, particularly sex/being home suppliance/broodmare.
This is about women actually saying ’no’ to men. And that seems to anger many men.
This isin’t abou having hobbies outside of conventional lifestyle (dating/marriage/sex/kids).

I think more men are choosing to stay single today too. You have no way of knowing if its a woman saying NO to men or the other way around or just both sexes prefering to be single. For men getting the anger you talk about, its necessary that both woman dont want relationships and men want it. If more men choose to stay single, woman choosing the same its irrelevant.

OP "This is about women who opt out men, particularly sex/being home suppliance/broodmare.
This is about women actually saying ’no’ to men. And that seems to anger many men."

Yes, it does make men angry. Are you saying you think this will lead to an increase in male violence?

Any figures as to how many women are choosing to remain single? I'm not sure numbers have actually increased, perhaps those who do are more confident in saying so.

I think it's possibly wrong to assume that most single women are totally celibate. A few of my friends are on dating websites and there are loads of women on there who 'don't want anything serious'. Generally speaking humans want to have sex.

Regarding porn, it definitely seems to have become more violent with all the choking etc but I'm not convinced this is all down to men, even if the men are the ones doing it. Approximately 50% of women surveyed enjoy 'rough sex' and a similar percentage fantasise about rape - I read a meta study about this which had examined dozens and dozens of previous studies so it seems fairly cut out.

Of course, rape fantasies are likely very idealised and far from the real thing but I wouldn't be surprised at some of these women wanting to roleplay etc.

Regarding proper deviant porn it's supposedly mainly women that watch it. I remember reading an article where they used Google Analytics on some of the biggest porn sites and it concluded that most users watching the hard stuff were women. Google Analytics is generally pretty accurate at determining sex across large data sets as it has access to so much user info - e.g. the name you sign up with, your browsing habits, search terms, websites visited, etc.

This entire thread sounds like paranoia IMO

Prostitution, BDSM or "kinky" sex and porn (if you count drawings on cavewalls) have been around as long as humans have. What makes things different now?

I don’t think so, I think porn use increasing into ‘worse’ forms are when it’s normalised and men (or women) push the boundaries. Which is why I’m horrified when sex education in schools for example is pushed to ‘include porn as kids are all using it anyway’ as if it’s normal - we should be pushing the message that porn is not ‘normal’, or ‘necessary’.

I see board here on MN also about porn use where at least 50% of women seem to think it is ‘OK’ if they or their partners use porn. This is again to me part of the problem. If a man is found to watch porn it’s minimised as ‘not that bad’ or simply a sign of a ‘healthy sexual male’. It’s really not.

I agree porn can have a dark side, but isn't it wise to encourage discussion of it instead of avoiding discussions?

Evidence? Earliest representation of BDSM? If you’re making these sweeping statements you need to be able to back them up.

I think you can have discussions with school kids about porn without normalising it, the same as you can about smoking, drugs or other harms. However many ‘education’ packs are all about normalising porn use and ‘experimental sex’ rather than exploring the dark side, exposing the exploitation, and increasing the child’s ability to say no to harms.

While women started to get more educated, be more at the work force and having little bit more say in who and when or if they date, porn was pushed more and more to the mainstream and violent sex with that.

Correlation isn't causation of course but a lot of things started happening when women started entering the workforce and staying single:

• Increased policing of women's bodies and extreme diet/exercise culture
• Increasingly stringent demands around how women should parent their children
• Increasingly stringent standards as to what constitutes 'good' sex - women are practically expected to be sexual athletes now in order to keep their man 'happy'
• Increasing sexualisation of pop culture

Anything to keep us down sisters!