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Feminism: chat

#tradwife

139 replies

HangingOver · 19/02/2023 02:11

Behold!

www.instagram.com/reel/CosDY4RDOM7/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I think I threw up in my mouth.

OP posts:
VikingVolva · 19/02/2023 07:14

Not everyone wants the same from life.

She's not got many followers, which tends to suggest it's a niche interest, rather than a major lifestyle influence.

NatashaDancing · 19/02/2023 17:10

I'm not on Instagram so can't see what made you throw up in your mouth (a phrase which is near the top of the list of MN hackneyed phrases along with no-one batted an eyelid)

user1820224 · 19/02/2023 17:13

She has a lot of followers on TikTok, her videos have appeared on there for me before. I hate the whole tradwife trend, Stacey Dooley did an episode where she slept over at someone's house. I think everyone should be free to do what works for them, but for me, I find it really triggering because I am kind of in a tradwife relationship turned abusive, it's such a fine line, and I would have loved content like this at one time to try and justify how I was treated.

Headabovetheparakeet · 19/02/2023 17:16

Isn't feminism meant to be about enabling women to have choice about how they live their lives?

IntentionalError · 19/02/2023 17:16

Her life, her marriage, her choice. Who am I to judge?

Hummusanddipdip · 19/02/2023 17:17

I guess the link has changed? I got a video of someone dressed as Jason Voorhees dancing to a Shakira song?

I can agree, I don't understand that 🤣

hekissedmybottom · 19/02/2023 17:22

user1820224 · 19/02/2023 17:13

She has a lot of followers on TikTok, her videos have appeared on there for me before. I hate the whole tradwife trend, Stacey Dooley did an episode where she slept over at someone's house. I think everyone should be free to do what works for them, but for me, I find it really triggering because I am kind of in a tradwife relationship turned abusive, it's such a fine line, and I would have loved content like this at one time to try and justify how I was treated.

I was asked to be one of these wives, he ended up becoming a Muslim after an Andrew Tate fetish and is still trying to ruin my life.

RoseslnTheHospital · 19/02/2023 17:22

This is a role play, larping as a 1950s fictional style housewife, put on in order to generate content for her media channels. A genuinely "traditional wife" wouldn't be spending all her time making and editing videos, and posting online in order to earn.

Feminism isn't about all choices being equal. It's about being able to speak about the harm caused to women (all women) by the various issues that exist in a patriarchal society (explicitly patriarchal or implicitly so). It's not anti-feminist to discuss how choices are not made in a vacuum and how promoting some choices might be damaging for women and girls in the longer term.

HangingOver · 19/02/2023 17:23

Isn't feminism meant to be about enabling women to have choice about how they live their lives?

It's more about the fact she's "educating" people about the virtues of things that are often red flags for unhealthy relationships... E.g never going out to the gym or after dark without husband, husband never doing any cooking, cleaning etc. and having to respect him having the final say on every decision ... I'm not even sure it's real... The 50s style dress and hair makes it feel like it just for the likes... Tiktok is full of young impressionable women and the mechanics of the relationship she's championing feel unhealthy.

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watchfulwishes · 19/02/2023 17:23

Headabovetheparakeet · 19/02/2023 17:16

Isn't feminism meant to be about enabling women to have choice about how they live their lives?

Any women should have the liberty to do as they please, but 'my husband has the final say' is not a position I feel I have to actively endorse/support.

HangingOver · 19/02/2023 17:24

X post @RoseslnTheHospital except yours was a lot more eloquent

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TuesdayJulyNever · 19/02/2023 17:40

The reels I’ve seen always feature very young women with no children. I think we are living through a time where the pressure on marriage is unprecedented. The success of a marriage depends entirely on the happiness of the couple, with none of the external forces of social stigma or excommunication to keep couples together.

Yet despite having the legal right to work, having children is a gamble that can significantly impact your earning potential or plunge you into poverty. Men can and do walk away from their moral and financial responsibilities with no social or legal consequences.

So I can understand why the illusion of the trad wife/ surrendered wife/total woman or whatever iteration is compelling but it’s a very naive fantasy. And it’s grim when you place it alongside the male version of this fairytale as pedalled by people like Andrew Tate.

It’s funny how there isn’t a comparable men’s movement promoting ideas of being a good and loyal husband and giving yourself over to the life goal of keeping your wife happy.

And for me that’s my standard of all the versions of female empowerment I’m offered - is this how man are empowered too? Selling sex, pole dancing, wearing see-through or pornified clothing, wearing a veil have all failed that acid test for me.

BertHandsome · 19/02/2023 17:45

A genuinely "traditional wife" wouldn't be spending all her time making and editing videos, and posting online in order to earn.
According to her comments she rejects all sponsorships and earnings from SM, but yes I agree they wouldn’t be faffing around with videos.

Each to their own though, I think as long as women understand the implications of this kind of set up, then whatever. It’s not what I’d want for my kid though.

RichardHeed · 19/02/2023 17:47

It’s funny how there isn’t a comparable men’s movement promoting ideas of being a good and loyal husband and giving yourself over to the life goal of keeping your wife happy.
Probably because that was never the “tradition” in days of yore. It was all about the man, keeping him happy, looking good for him etc. Didn’t matter if he used to smack you about or had a drinking problem, as long as he was happy.

AnnieSnap · 19/02/2023 17:48

I know a woman (daughter of a friend) who prides herself on being a tradwife (having given up a good career). She loves and makes her 1950s style clothes. That’s fine of course, but she has also got rid of all ‘mod cons’ in her house and uses 1950s stuff (hoover, washing machine with mangle, food mixer etc) and her husband has the final word on everything. It definitely looks like role play to me, but I find it makes me cringe given what women have fought for for so long and the numbers of women who are still oppressed and abused by living with men who are in charge.

HangingOver · 19/02/2023 17:49

She actually uses a mangle??

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Motheranddaughter · 19/02/2023 17:50

Wouldn’t be for me but each to their own

wp65 · 19/02/2023 17:53

Headabovetheparakeet · 19/02/2023 17:16

Isn't feminism meant to be about enabling women to have choice about how they live their lives?

Not really, no. Feminism is the advocacy for woman's rights, based on the idea of the equality of the sexes. Feminists don't have to condone or enable the choices of other women if those choices undermine the idea of the equality of the sexes.

Botw1 · 19/02/2023 17:59

@Headabovetheparakeet

No

Feminism is about equality

PandasAreUseless · 19/02/2023 17:59

Fuck all of that.

But on another note, why aren't men coming up to me at the gym!!? That's literally never happened to me in my life! 😅

Dacadactyl · 19/02/2023 18:08

I don't necessarily have an issue with what she's promoting, but it depends on whether it's come from her or her husband IMO. And whether hes a good bloke or not. When I was a SAHM I made sure the house was clean, that I looked good, the kids were happy and dinner was on table for the minute he walked through the door.

I saw it as my job to be a SAHM/housewife to the best of my ability and all of the above fell into that tbh. It worked to have traditionally defined roles because there was no resentment and it was easy for both of us if we knew who was responsible for what etc.

However, if id got home late and house was a tip or dinner not ready, he wouldn't have commented on it.

Depends on how you've been brought up, what your expectations are and what you e agreed between you.

Botw1 · 19/02/2023 18:11

@Dacadactyl

Why wouldn't you have an issue with someone promoting that women should be subservient to men?

Or the idea that a woman's role is to look good, keep kids happy and make dinner?

Gives me the actual boak.

Dacadactyl · 19/02/2023 18:17

@Botw1 because it seems to work for her and her husband. We are not all the same and if she is happy to give her husband the final say on stuff etc, that's up to her.

Maybe she sees value in not having to run about like a blue arsed fly working FT and thinks its a good trade off? If you have a decent man, the tradwife thing could work well. Although, I would say that I personally would not put up with my husband having the final say on financial matters if I had a differing viewpoint.

TuesdayJulyNever · 19/02/2023 18:26

RichardHeed · 19/02/2023 17:47

It’s funny how there isn’t a comparable men’s movement promoting ideas of being a good and loyal husband and giving yourself over to the life goal of keeping your wife happy.
Probably because that was never the “tradition” in days of yore. It was all about the man, keeping him happy, looking good for him etc. Didn’t matter if he used to smack you about or had a drinking problem, as long as he was happy.

Actually I would contest that and say that back in the actual 1950s, rather than the imaginary ones people like trad wives make up, there was quite a well defined concept of how a good family man behaved. That’s a different thing to there being no legal structures to protect women and children from bad or abusive husbands.

My grandad told my dh on our wedding day to remember “happy wife happy life”. My Nan used to say that he was a good husband who brought home an unbroken paycheque (ie didn’t stop off in the pub on payday) and I know several men of that vintage who didn’t marry because they didn’t feel they earned enough/or steadily enough to support a wife.

viques · 19/02/2023 18:34

As long as she doesn’t get stuffed as a trad wife if they ever get divorced. I am not sure what the legal niceties of divorce settlements were in 1950 s USA, but am willing to bet they weren’t weighted evenly, and that women came off with the shitty end of the stick.