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Feminism: chat

#tradwife

139 replies

HangingOver · 19/02/2023 02:11

Behold!

www.instagram.com/reel/CosDY4RDOM7/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I think I threw up in my mouth.

OP posts:
namitynamechange · 21/02/2023 19:54

But but but....

If you are on Instagram/TikTok making videos or blogging about being a "trad wife" then you are not actually being a "trad wife" surely. Because:

  1. People didn't have Tiktok in the 50s or whenever time period they are emulating
  2. Usually part of the point of being a mummy blogger/influencer etc s to try to earn a bit of income. Which is fine. But negates the whole "hubby bringing home the bacon" thing. Or, they are trying to push a particular message - again fine, free speech and all but I don't think that fits that neatly with what they are selling either.
Anyway there are lots of women in very "traditional" relationships where they stay home etc. So long as everyone is happy that's fine. Its the making it a central part of your identity AND pushing it as a brand for others to aspire to that's weird. But I also think its odd when people do the same thing with being "queer"/a manly man+/childfree/having loads of kids etc. Its the internet.

+Because actual manly men don't spend all their time on TikTok discussing whether they are Alpha or Sigma for example

Moonicorn · 21/02/2023 19:56

VikingVolva · 19/02/2023 07:14

Not everyone wants the same from life.

She's not got many followers, which tends to suggest it's a niche interest, rather than a major lifestyle influence.

This 🤷🏼‍♀️ it’s not your cup of tea so move on.

anotheragain · 22/02/2023 08:35

Onnabugeisha · 21/02/2023 14:42

Lol, no marriage doesn’t divide assets 50/50. 50/50 is the starting point, from there the courts or mediator take into account everything you are banging on about. Usually, a SAHM will get more than 50% of assets plus CMS.

Except it doesn’t work like that. It’s based on current assets. It’s not looking at the loss of earning potential due to many years out of the workforce, both in terms of being able to actually get a job and how far down the ladder the wife will be. Nor is it calculating loss of earnings to date.

And that’s without even looking at how easy it is for men to hide assets, to avoid child maintenance, especially if they are self/employed.

If you honestly think SAHW’s come out of divorce settlements in as financially secure position as their husbands for the rest of their lives, you are hopelessly naive.

Of all the divorced women I know, nearly all took a hit to earning and earning potential once kids came along, and nearly all came out of the divorce in a worst, often much worse, position than the man.

Onnabugeisha · 22/02/2023 09:12

anotheragain · 22/02/2023 08:35

Except it doesn’t work like that. It’s based on current assets. It’s not looking at the loss of earning potential due to many years out of the workforce, both in terms of being able to actually get a job and how far down the ladder the wife will be. Nor is it calculating loss of earnings to date.

And that’s without even looking at how easy it is for men to hide assets, to avoid child maintenance, especially if they are self/employed.

If you honestly think SAHW’s come out of divorce settlements in as financially secure position as their husbands for the rest of their lives, you are hopelessly naive.

Of all the divorced women I know, nearly all took a hit to earning and earning potential once kids came along, and nearly all came out of the divorce in a worst, often much worse, position than the man.

Yes it does work like that, at least in the U.K. it does. It’s based “first and foremost” on “future needs.”

Of course there is no guarantee they’d be as secure the rest of their lives, that’s not how life works. But they leave the marriage with a fair division of assets, often in their favour as any children are usually primarily resident with the mother. What they do with their lives from that point is up to them.

When my mum (SAHM for 14yrs before she decided to go back to work) divorced my Dad she got 100% the house, 50% of his pension and 100% of their savings. Plus my Dad paid 100% of both his and her legal fees, and my dad owed her CMS plus £10k/Yr spouse maintenance until state pension age AND he owed 100% Uni tuition for my two youngest siblings. My mum left the marriage with around half a million in assets plus guaranteed income and my dad with £50k of debt plus a good chunk of his future income due to her.

But my mum got a really really good divorce lawyer and went for the jugular. Plus the divorce was due to her repeatedly cheating on my dad!

I know my anecdote carried as much weight as yours does, but anecdotes aside, it does work as I said. The principles you laid out are the principles already in force.

www.mediateuk.co.uk/the-ultimate-guide-to-financial-settlement-on-divorce/

THE MAIN RULES OF DIVISION CAN BE SUMMARISED AS FOLLOWS:

FAIR DIVISION. On divorce, the aim is to divide the assets fairly. Fairness does not necessarily mean an equal division. What it does mean is that the parties must be left in the position of equal standing and that there must be no discrimination between the respective roles of breadwinner and homemaker - which are regarded as equal. In other words, the roles each party played in the marriage is not considered an important factor when agreeing a financial settlement on divorce. Instead, you should focus on what of you realistically need moving forwards.

NEEDS OF CHILDREN. First consideration must always be given to the needs of the dependent children. In practical terms, this usually means that accommodation must be provided for the children and, therefore, the parent who looks after the children for the majority of the time. In some cases, this will require one of the parents to retain the matrimonial home. Ideally if the available assets permit, the Court will always look to accommodate both parties. If both parents have agreed to share the child arrangements equally, then their housing needs are likely to be equal as well.

SECTION 25 FACTORS. The starting point is an equal division of the assets. The Court is under a duty to consider all the circumstances of the case and in particular the Section 25 factors (see below) and then apply these to the facts of the particular case. Having considered the Section 25 factors, the Court may order an unequal division of the assets. The general rule - called the yardstick of equality is that assets should be divided equally unless there is a good reason to the contrary.

FUTURE NEEDS. First and foremost, the Court will always look to meet the needs of each party to be accommodated. If these needs can be met from the available assets and if there is then a surplus, the Court may go on to consider dividing the remaining assets taking into account their origin. This may require dividing the assets into matrimonial and non-matrimonial property.
Matrimonial property comprises those assets that have been acquired during the marriage from the joint enterprise of both parties. Most assets in most divorces comprise entirely matrimonial property.

Non-matrimonial assets are those assets that have accrued outside the marriage ie. assets brought into the marriage by either party at the outset, assets that have accrued post separation or those assets that have been received during the marriage from a source wholly extraneous to the marriage. Examples of the latter include gifts and inheritances received from one side of the family. Once the reasonable needs of each party to be housed have been met, then any surplus may be divided unequally to take into account any unequal contributions.

The financial contribution made by each party is one of the Section 25 factors. In practical terms, this is only likely to be relevant in cases where the assets are substantial - as future accommodation need trumps the origin of the asset.

FINANCIAL CLEAN BREAK. Wherever practical, the Court will seek to achieve a financial separation between the parties. This is called a clean break. This means that there will be no ongoing financial links between the parties save for child maintenance, if relevant.
If a clean break cannot be achieved immediately, then the Court has the power to order spousal maintenance for a fixed period so as to achieve a clean break in the future. Very rarely, the Court may decide that a financial clean break is not possible and order spousal maintenance for life. In practice, most financial settlements are on the basis of an immediate clean break. But spousal maintenance should always be considered and subsequently dismissed if need be.

ChilliBandit · 22/02/2023 10:50

Wow @Onnabugeisha - your dad must have been a high earner.

Chat1354 · 22/02/2023 11:01

anotheragain · 22/02/2023 08:35

Except it doesn’t work like that. It’s based on current assets. It’s not looking at the loss of earning potential due to many years out of the workforce, both in terms of being able to actually get a job and how far down the ladder the wife will be. Nor is it calculating loss of earnings to date.

And that’s without even looking at how easy it is for men to hide assets, to avoid child maintenance, especially if they are self/employed.

If you honestly think SAHW’s come out of divorce settlements in as financially secure position as their husbands for the rest of their lives, you are hopelessly naive.

Of all the divorced women I know, nearly all took a hit to earning and earning potential once kids came along, and nearly all came out of the divorce in a worst, often much worse, position than the man.

I’m divorcee number 34554333 for exactly this to happen to. Patriarchy and capitalism rule again.

CandlelightGlow · 22/02/2023 11:17

namitynamechange · 21/02/2023 19:54

But but but....

If you are on Instagram/TikTok making videos or blogging about being a "trad wife" then you are not actually being a "trad wife" surely. Because:

  1. People didn't have Tiktok in the 50s or whenever time period they are emulating
  2. Usually part of the point of being a mummy blogger/influencer etc s to try to earn a bit of income. Which is fine. But negates the whole "hubby bringing home the bacon" thing. Or, they are trying to push a particular message - again fine, free speech and all but I don't think that fits that neatly with what they are selling either.
Anyway there are lots of women in very "traditional" relationships where they stay home etc. So long as everyone is happy that's fine. Its the making it a central part of your identity AND pushing it as a brand for others to aspire to that's weird. But I also think its odd when people do the same thing with being "queer"/a manly man+/childfree/having loads of kids etc. Its the internet.

+Because actual manly men don't spend all their time on TikTok discussing whether they are Alpha or Sigma for example

Absolutely. This is the dual reality that conservative women live in, and why it's so deplorable. Like those evangelical politicians in the US who say stuff like "women are weak and need to be protected and guided by men" while they're literally state figurehead politicians in high powered careers!

I take a dim view of anyone who reaps the rewards of feminist progression and also tries to pull the ladder up underneath them for other women from less privileged demographics.

Onnabugeisha · 22/02/2023 11:35

ChilliBandit · 22/02/2023 10:50

Wow @Onnabugeisha - your dad must have been a high earner.

He wasn’t that high an earner. Peaked at around £70k supporting a family of 7.

namitynamechange · 22/02/2023 11:37

@CandlelightGlow It is actually an interesting paradox that on the right (especially the American conservative right) you have women like that, whilst on the progressive left you have women who are superficially all about female empowerment, girl boss, taking the men on etc who are always super quick to role over on behalf of said men and to put their needs first. Its odd. (and of course NAWALT)

ChilliBandit · 22/02/2023 11:38

@Onnabugeisha - assuming you are talking about the 80s and 90s, £70k is a high earner.

Onnabugeisha · 22/02/2023 12:08

ChilliBandit · 22/02/2023 11:38

@Onnabugeisha - assuming you are talking about the 80s and 90s, £70k is a high earner.

No. They divorced in the 2000s. I was an adult and had left home myself.

Botw1 · 22/02/2023 12:12

@Onnabugeisha

That only works if there are assessts

Good luck getting half a house you don't own and a pension that doesn't exist. Or csm from someone who is unemployed

Relying on imaginary funds post divorce is crazy

Onnabugeisha · 22/02/2023 12:38

Botw1 · 22/02/2023 12:12

@Onnabugeisha

That only works if there are assessts

Good luck getting half a house you don't own and a pension that doesn't exist. Or csm from someone who is unemployed

Relying on imaginary funds post divorce is crazy

That was the discussion though. Posters claiming a SAHM is always left far worse off than her husband post divorce and that the law dictates this. It’s simply not true.

Of course if you divorce and don’t have a pot to piss in, both parties are going to be left without a pot to piss in.

Botw1 · 22/02/2023 12:50

@Onnabugeisha

I thought they were saying they were more at risk/vulnerable financially

Which is true

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