What advice would you give a younger woman?

[mumyes]

Just that really.
What do you wish you'd done or known as a woman on your 30s / 40s?

@Galaktoboureko - in practice, I have found childless women far worse than men. However, the defining difference has always been whether a manager had their own children. If they did, they understood this responsibility far better in most cases.

Nevertheless the only overt challenge I have ever received about my status was from other women who were competing with me at work and used my status as a parent against me.

It is worth noting a few years later I re-encountered one of these women after she had become a parent herself. She looked very shameful.

Remember that there are women who assume or wants or thinks that you should make the same life choices as they do.
And look down on you if you don’t.

This is obviously not true.

For example, women who are married, or have kids often think single and/or childfree women’s lives are less than and they can try and make you jump some extra hoops.

I once had a long time friend and we were both childfree, she changed her mind (and that’s okey) but the second she was pregnant turned on me and started the usual: you’re selfish, never know love, be alone and thought every plan had to be on here rule and schedule.

And to bring this back to friends, when you’re young, a lot of your friends are like family, until they have their actual family.
And you can be soon forgotten, or making all the effort.
So have a wide friendship group and know that you’ll have to make new friends at some point.
A lot of the women at least (men don’t seem to this as much) will dissapear once they have a partner and/or kids.

However, the defining difference has always been whether a manager had their own children. If they did, they understood this responsibility far better in most cases.

Sadly this was not my experience in the legal sector. There was a thread a while back which showed I wasn't alone. It had loads of published data in it about how women collaborate less well than men and are less likely to help another woman if they are senior to them.

And that women also much prefer a male boss, even more so than men do.

I found it a mixed picture- no issue until I had children. Then both sexes were difficult, but women openly so. Anyway, I changed my job, and supportive from both sexes. Much depends on the work culture.

Do not rely completely on one partner.
Maintain and invest in your own life in path.
It's ok to be more 'selfish'.
You do not need to look pretty.
You are more beautiful, intelligent and kind than you think you are.

Sadly, I believe this to be true of many women and men. I wish it were not true, ut powerful women are judged so much more harshly than powerful men. I think I’d tell younger me not to make these judgements.

@Mymomsbetterthanyomom I take your point. But as an older woman who started thinking the same as you, life experiences have changed my mind yes, I know NAMALT.

I do make an exception for younger men though. Older men have often been brought up with the familiar patriarchal view of women and woman’s work.

So, I would beg to suggest that you maybe sometimes do listen to some of the women who think some of the men are the enemy.

We could save some of our sisters a lot of heartache.

Very good advice.

Save, save, save and watch your credit scores.

I'd also urge any younger person to look after their health as it's so easy to focus myopically on the job and end up as some fat frazzled lump full of self loathing.

I put on a fair few lbs in my late 20s and realised that no car or amount of money/job success would counter the feelings of not being happy with myself. It wasn't even about other people's judgement of me, more that I was neglecting my training/health due to lining the pockets of the shareholders.

This is aimed at younger women, more the teens, twenty ages, as you need to get them early.

Always trust your gut. If a situation feels wrong it usually is wrong.

Don't buy on credit, save until you can afford something.

Sleep with as many men as you want to

Don't stay in a job you hate

never relinquish control of the tv remote

Always have a rainy day fund (if you are in a relationship then a running away fund)

Don't socialise with people you don't enjoy the company of.

If a man can do a job then a woman can do it as well.

Learn to do DIY and Buy your own tools.

Only eat food you enjoy.

Make love with wild abandon whilst you still have the energy and flexibility.

Have exciting adventures, you'll need them to look back on when your stuck in the nursing home

Don't let anyone treat you like shit.

Buy a vibrator, that way you don't have to make polite conversation afterwards.

If you are going to eat cake make sure it's good cake.

Single is an option no woman needs a significant other in their life, so don't just settle for someone because your scared you'll end up alone

I could go on but I'll stop there

Boiled x

Listen to older women.

It is more important to be well boundaried than to be kind.

I wouldn't change a thing but from looking at good female friends lives I tell all young ones........You do not NEED to have children, you do not NEED to get married.
You NEED to get to know yourself and separate social / family expectations before you commit to anything life changing.

Watching this thread with interest.

Don't apologise or feel apologetic for having your own agenda! Don't fit in around a man's agenda. What are your goals. Work on achieving them and do not let a relationship get in their way. Also, second the pension advice.

The right partner will not expect to be in totally in control of your finances or financially dependent on you. If you can't talk about money get out.
Of course there can be times when you help each other out, but that's not the same thing.