What advice would you give a younger woman?

[mumyes]

Just that really.
What do you wish you'd done or known as a woman on your 30s / 40s?

1. Exercise. I know you think you hate it but your joints NEED you to do it and you don't want to end up crippled by 45. Join a class - it gets better and you make friends.
2. You really really need to get outside regularly, it's far more important to your mental health than you realise
3. It's just a job. Quit and get another one or go back to temping. No one has to be that unhappy

These are very specifically to young me, not prescribing them to anyone else.

@CheeseIsMyPatronus I think they’re good for a lot of people.

I’ve had a good day today…. Today, I took the dog for a walk round the block while the sun was out and I went to the gym. In a way, I did your 1 and 2, and it improved my day.

Don’t sunbathe.

Why would it be their fathers name? Seeing as he presumably got it from his own father (and so on), why does he have any more claim to it than she does?

I have ASD and ADHD and have children with combinations of these and other family members. So I also know what I'm talking about, thanks very much.

I didn't say it's not hard work. But so is living with some neurotypical people. All people are different. Some are harder work than others and in different ways. There was no need to turn this into another autism bashing thread, there are plenty of other threads where that's the sole topic.

Earn your own money and keep it in your own bank account.

Think about the kind of life you want, and put yourself in a position to have it. Don’t rely on someone else to provide it- if it comes from them, they can take it away.

Choose partner who is prepared to work as hard as you on your life and your relationship.

Make your peace with ageing and find a way to turn it into a positive thing. Don’t try and stay 25 forever or allow yourself to give up on life.

Set high standards for yourself, and respect yourself for prioritising them.

Don’t expect other people to care more about you than you do.

Don’t run away from problems. Confront them, deal with them, and be proud that you’ve done that.

Don’t use your family as an excuse to abdicate from the rest of life.

Do not have children. But if you really must, have 1.

Earn your own money. Always.

Pay into a pension.

Get a higher education and get expect more of yourself.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/25/more-than-one-in-10-young-women-now-identify-lesbian-gay-bisexual-or-other

If one in 10 women identify as bisexual; choose a female partner. She will:

1. Share the housework

1. Remember to do the shopping

1. Share taking care of children

1. Listen to you

1. Give you orgasms (plural)

1. Be your best friend

1. Find older women attractive

I'm quite serious, I've read here how weary married women are from doing 2 jobs: work and home. Plus the mental load. F/F relationships are easier because women share and are companions.

Love this one

Get into sport. Sport at all levels from club to elite has never been more accessible to women (in the UK). It is cathartic for body and soul. Don't worry about being crap - just do it. You will surprise yourself, and you might just end up in a cup final being watched by millions.

"Take less shit. Give fewer fucks."

I spent so much of my 20's being duped and manipulated by wankers and narcissists. I absolutely would not put up with that crap now.

Read the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft and The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans before you even think of dating.

Be familiar with personality disorders and their symptoms like Borderline, Narcissistic, Histrionic, etc.

Avoid all toxic people even if they're family members.

Actually agree with this.

So many women seem to be terrified of men because of the actions of a minority but would never think of trying to reduce car journeys to lower risk of fatal accidents, for example. I just feel like many will end up lonely and unhappy because they listened to other lonely and unhappy women who love to constantly bemoan men out of bitterness.

50-50 is not just from a financial standpoint. It also relates to housework, the mental load and emotional labour. Look carefully at any romantic relationship you are in from this perspective.

What about paid work? Not great if one partner is working long hours while the other two days a week. Emotional labour/mental load just seem like nonsense words to me tbh. People never seem to use them in regard to the man working 60 hour weeks. It's always that the man needs to understand the mental load of using the washing machine and hoovering the house etc.

I would advice the opposite of this.

Always remember that most women have very low standards when it comes to men.
Also many women will turn on you, just to pander to men.

And make sure you yourself always have high standards when it comes to men. And this isin’t about dating them, all around make sure your standards are high.

Also be wary of people/women like Galaktoboureko who call women bitter, or believe men’s ’love’ will heal a woman or some non-sense.
Just because woman/women talk what men have done/are like/ what has happened to them/ warn other women etc., doesn’t make them ’bitter’.
Reality is what it is, and many men are bad or problematic, it’s just a fact.

I agree with this.

I suppose if - big if - the man is at traditional work & the woman is caring for kids, that is very, very comparable in terms of workload, responsibility, stress, in fact probably more impact on woman in terms of freedom to do her own thing (man gets a bloody lunch break for a start!!) etc. So absolutely 50;50 for everything else! Surely?!

Learn to spot strawmen, gaslighting and sealions. Don't give them your energy. There are examples on this thread.

Don’t put up with being treated poorly in the hope that things will change
. Don’t be passive in relationships,
friendships or career.
If you are not happy get out of the situation.
Learn self defence of some sort.

Don’t waste your money on frivolities. Start saving with a goal in mind eg house deposit

Absolutely agree with women will shock you that they don’t support other women. I’ve had it in the workplace and I just avoid them. The women who are like this will shock you.

Invariably they are women who have made choices without realizing the consequences and then at 40 see women their own age or slightly younger start to overtake them in the workplace. Socially they take their position from their husband. Nothing wrong with this but they are in a vulnerable position. They are terrified of divorce because choices made in their career have limited their earning potential. This fear is why they go after other women.

Dont put yourself in that position. Own your career, drive it and if you as a couple can’t afford full time care so you can continue working on your career, don’t have children. Go part time because it’s what you want not because it’s what you can afford. As a manager, I will always allow someone with caring duties to work remotely and on a flexible schedule (compressed schedules, working outside of regular business hours etc) so they can continue working full time. It was something my manager did for me and I’m forever thankful.

If you choose not to work outside of your home, only do so if you are married or have a substantial inheritance/ your own money and you run the family budget and finances including all investments.

Also be wary of people/women like Galaktoboureko who call women bitter, or believe men’s ’love’ will heal a woman or some non-sense.

Lol. I said nothing about men's love healing women. It's hardly a groundbreaking revelation that women who spend a lot of time moaning about men online tend towards being bitter.

Do not assume women are supportive managers than men if you have children. You may find precisely the opposite and that it is used against you.

I think other women are defo more likely to have the view that you need to make the sacrifices they did if you want to 'make it'. Which is of course counterproductive for women in general, but it's human nature for some people to not want others to waltz in and succeed without 'paying their dues' (not my personal view but how I think some women see it).

Don't listen to people who say 'you're too fussy' and 'you should lower your standards.' They're YOUR standards and you have them for a reason.