What advice would you give a younger woman?

[mumyes]

Just that really.
What do you wish you'd done or known as a woman on your 30s / 40s?

I am in my 40s but there isn't really anything I would change about who I was in my 20s.

Don’t “compromise” on a partner just because well-meaning people say “awww you should give him a chance” and you’re getting in a bit. There are sperm banks you can use.

Always have a plan B (not contraceptive!) and always have an escape fund.

Who you partner up with is as important as anything else, more so.

Agreeing on parenting and work set ups and finances and house set ups should all be done with priority before you settle down and not left to chance.

Working towards a set up where you both contribute different things works very well and you don't have to earn the same as your partner to be as valuable to the family. There's no need to have equality as long as you have equity; both benefiting from the fruits of each other's labour.

If you want a family don't leave it to chance or to the last minute.

I would tell my much younger self to not hold back because i might have children. There were a few things i didnt do (go for promotion related) because I was going to try for a baby in the next year or so I got it into my head that I would struggle at that level after kids, with hindsight it would have been easier at that level with kids.

Marriage is a legal protection for couples whose lives have become interdependent, especially financially, not something out of a romantic novel. Use a reliable source to find out what difference it would make to your financial and legal position and to your partner's. Discuss whether it makes sense for the two of you to marry (it won't always, if you are the higher earner, or if one or both of you already have children).

If you find you can't agree, or can't calmly and dispassionately talk about this kind of thing, that's a red flag in itself.

If it would benefit both of you to marry and that's what you want to do, get on and do it. Don't wait until you've saved or borrowed enough for a massive wedding. Don't sit back and wait for a proposal! Engagement rings and weddings are not important. You can get a ring and have a party later if that's what you want to do. Get the legal stuff sorted out as soon as you need it, and especially before you have children together.

If you want to have a family, pick the person you do this with VERY carefully.

They are the number influence on how easy / hard you'll find motherhood.

Avoid MN Feminism boards because you lot are obsessive (about gender identity), blinkered, misandrist... basically nasty. Nothing useful to gain here.

Yes I need to hide this topic, not sure how it got unhidden.

@lljkk so what we your advice br if you disagree with others here...? All advice welcome!

So why post if you hate it so much, genius

• Have confidence in your abilities
• Have confidence in your decisions
• Sometimes you have to be your own best friend
• it may be nice to know what men look for in women (ny definition from the media) but what are YOU looking for in a man, really?
• if you want this friendship to last ten years, what do you have to do today to make that happen?
• you are beautiful. Believe me, you are
• what is your body shape? Okay, what clothes style actually look good on that shape?
• close your eyes and give yourself a hug right now

Are you Christina Aguilera?

What @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g said about marriage. It isn't ALWAYS the best option and as women become more and more financially independent, it may not be.

Mumsnet is obsessed with this and it is a backward view imo.

Put yourself first, always. Always be clear about what you want.

Oh and don't change your name and give your children your name

Value friendships. Make sure you stay in touch with friends you really like. Make the time to see them.

Don't wait too long to have kids.

Always have a bit of your own money on the side.

Don't give up your career to facilitate your partner's - it's a slippery slope.

Love yourself like your life depends on it, once you do that your in a much better position to meet healthier people. Have the courage to walk your own path, what feels right for you and to have the knowledge you can deal with anything life throws at you. Be open to change, changing the way you look at things, don't be afraid of failure, there is no such thing, you either win or you learn, never stop learning, self improvement all the way.

But in a family you do not put yourself first, you put your family first.
Living in a family is brilliant. This site is obsessed with independence but when you have a family you are no longer independent.

*your father's name.

Nope @onmytenthcoffee it's my name. That's not an argument for changing it. The resetting has to start somewhere.

You can be blissfully happy without having children.

Stop worrying about what other people think.
Establish boundaries early on and learn to say no.
Take up a martial art/circuit training/body blast something with weights, so important for joints.
Have financial independence.

@onmytenthcoffee - yes family life is great however generally my experience is that men put their wants and needs first at detriment to their family. Women should put themselves first because frankly imo and experience they tend to include any children when they do this. The reason - they are the ones who are expected to take most responsibility for those children.

Be confident in your own abilities and you don't need to be other peoples constant source of "support" i.e when you help everyone else but nobody helps you.

Also if he treats you badly dump him. He won't change so you need to make the change and dump him. It's not your fault he can't commit, thinks he is to good or as one rx once said to me "I can treat you anyway I like and you will never leave me " I told my dad asked for money which he transferred the day and moved abroad. I never went back and never regretted it.

Get your education. Build a career and a nest egg for yourself. THEN think about marriage and buying a house.

Kiss a lot of frogs before choosing your Prince/ss!

Eat well and exercise daily. Stay off the junk food.

Planet Social Media is fake & should be ignored. You are great as you are.

Ask for the promotion and the pay rise. Always have your own income or savings. Learn about boundaries and then guard your own. Cultivate your own interests, skills and friendships. Ignore everything the media tells you that you should be. Be ruthless with people (and posters!) who drain your energy, cause unnecessary fights and thrive on drama. Trust your instincts especially when they conflict with calls to be kind.

What are you resetting towards?