Kerry Katona and surrogacy. Thoughts?

[ChocChipOwl]

I'm just watching Kerry on tv ad I eat my lunch. She has 5 children and, because her partner doesn't have any kids, they're going to go down the surrogacy route as her last pregnancy and birth was difficult

She said - and I quote - 'yeah we are going to get a surrogate because that's safer.'

Safer for who, I wonder?

Anyway, it got me thinking. I always used to be ambivalent about surrogacy but now I'm opposed to it, although I do recognise that on some occasions it may have a place.

But does it have a place for a 42 year old woman who already had 5 children and is so blasé about it all?

Lots of poor people work in industries they don't like because they feel they have little choice - is this always exploitation and should we tell them they aren't allowed to generate an income? Unless they are actually coerced there is always a choice, some might chose surrogacy, some might choose other work that they find undesirable. Obviously people shouldn't be coerced or threatened into becoming a surrogate but surely that goes without saying.

I also don't think that people can weigh up the pain of childless couples without being one. How can you understand the pain of desperately wanting a child unless you are in that situation? I'm interested to know how many women that are childless (not by choice) who have exhausted all other options of having a child are against surrogacy if they have the means to go ahead with it.

In terms of impacts on children, I acknowledge the research around long term effects. I think that there are many things parents do in a child's lifetime that might effect them, in fact I'm not sure I know anyone that doesn't have some kind of parental trauma relating to an event or period of time. I expect that if you ask children of surrogacy, they would say that they'd rather be alive as a result of surrogacy than to have never existed at all.

I found it very sad that people are happy to “accept” babies being created with the plan that the very first thing that you will do to them is cause them through trauma.

Do people have such little regard for the rights and welfare of babies?

And is someone who is willing to cause a baby such trauma in order to prevent sadness in themselves someone who has the capacity to put that baby first at other times?

It's extremely selfish.

To be fair, in (too many) plenty of births the baby is handed to its father (a stranger to the baby as well) for hours or days while they put mother back together again. I didn't get to hold my baby on the day of her birth due to EMCS and then being forgotten! The nurse who was with me kept calling but they just didn't come to collect me for half a day. I was to weak to advocate for myself (or my baby).

I also would be fine with surrogacy between sisters or cousins or best friends. Surrogacy by strangers is a more difficult affair.

I don’t think another child needs to be subjected to Kerry’s turbulent lifestyle.

I mean, if you're going down that route, all work is exploitation isn't it? And that is the reason some people like to say that 'sex work is work' and no different to doing construction, for example. No one can possibly be making an uncoerced decision if money is involved?

@ChiefWiggumsBoy I don't believe so no. I don't believe any work is exploitation/coercion simply because you are poor and the work is seen as undesirable.

Well yes indeed. But lots of women with chaotic lifestyles and partner after partner keep having babies, I always wish they could be stopped somehow! Of course if they are naturally conceived we can’t stop it.
But yes we could and should stop surrogacy. It’s far too open to exploitation, and I really worry about the effects on the child long term.

Which is very much in the public eye.

The child is unlikely to get the privacy they have a right to.

Which is very much in the public eye.

The child is unlikely to get the privacy they have a right to

the whole thing will be milked for profit too.

this will be the 4th man she has children with, when is enough enough? It’s just all very unstable.

NalaNana
Having struggled with infertility prior to becoming a parent, I still feel the same.

My desire for a baby does not give me the right to rent another woman's body and pay a poorer woman to sell a baby to me.

The idea that anything a woman 'chooses' to do is ok because it's up to her if she wants to make money that way is a highly questionable worldview. It basically acknowledges the source of women's sex-based oppression and then continues to use those things to keep oppressing women.
Eg. We could review working practices, promote flexible working and aim for equality, but if all work is exploitative then women who want flexible working could always choose OnlyFans, porn, prostitution, sell her eggs, rent her womb out.

Of course it doesn’t.

She has 5 children from 3 different relationships, is bankrupt and hasn’t she battled with various other demons?

Its time for her to stop having children.

My desire for a baby does not give me the right to rent another woman's body and pay a poorer woman to sell a baby to me.

Exactly. We had one DS followed by 5 miscarriages. I wanted more children so badly. But for me, surrogacy, even using our own 'ingredients' just never sat right.

Having as many babies as you want isn't a right.

KK already has 5 children, this isn't a woman desperate to have her own biological child.

Not going to give my opinion on KK but just wanted to share my experience to those on this thread talking about the trauma to the child who is being “whipped” away from the birth mother.

I was a surrogate for my sister. I won’t go into all the background details but I just wanted to say that she is now 4 years old, very much loved and clearly not traumatised.

@yorkshirepudgf that's quite different and if you read my op, you'll see that I personally accept it has its place.

In your situation, that's the place.

I did read your OP. My comment was to those on the thread discussing the unknown trauma to the child. I’m my case there is definitely no trauma going on.

People w

If bloke wants to be with her, what's wrong with her existing 5 kids? That's not the sign of a healthy relationship!

People with strong opinions hiding under the “ trauma to the child “ know very little about altruistic surrogacy . The children I gave birth to help a friend are now 12 and 8 and they are happy loved , non traumatised children . They know how many people it took to have them , from fertility doctors to embryologists , me , their parents who lost 14 babies prior to having them . I wasn’t used or felt used , they where not ripped off me when they where born , o got cuddles , they are by no means my children , they are my friends children and to this day we are still good friends . This idea surrogacy is a dirty world is not right . It may be in specific situations are in poor countries but not in the U.K.

And by no means I think KK should gave a baby through surrogacy , not because it’s surrogacy but because , her other children have suffered lots of trauma from a clearly unstable and selfish mother .

So because you are ok. All altruistic surrogacies work out and are free from coercion?

That is what is known as an anecdote. Not research into trauma or the effects on surrogates.

HTH.

Do you have a link to your research please?

We ethically should not be experimenting on babies now should we?

HTH too!

Surrogacy is exploitation. It is baby trafficking.