Domestic abuse- male victims & statistics

[MrsGhastlyCrumb]

So: I was at a class this evening where we were informed that about 20% of police call-outs for DA involve male victims.

Now, I do recognise that there are male victims, which is of course awful, but this seems high to me. I have certainly encountered and heard of male abusers calling in counter claims against their female partners in order to cover themselves. Is it possible that this is more widespread than I realised, therefore accounting for a large proportion of the numbers we were quoted, or is it genuinely that high, do you think?

TIA for your thoughts.

@Findwen thank you for posting and sharing. If you get any flaking for posting your experience in a thread specifically about male victims of domestic abuse then the person doing so should be ashamed.

you’re spot on about mental damage. All to often make victims are laughed at, disbelieved, told to man up, told it doesn’t matter as they’re physically stronger (I’ve seen all these on this site)

Male, not make

Never anger, She would hit me as she came in for or during a hug/cuddle and the hug cuddle would then take place.
I think it was more that she was treating me in the same way she was encouraged to treat her male family members. That it had been 'proven' to her as a girl that she could not hurt males and she liked that I was so much stronger than her and so hitting me was a means to express my manliness ?

Don't know if that makes sense - it was a long time ago.

It was never malicious - I think she just never realised that she was making me feel really bad.

She is a wonderful woman though in so, so many ways. I do genuinely think I am really lucky to have her -- it was a long time ago and only went on for I guess a few months.

Why would they?
You're getting offended in advance. No ones said man up on this whole thread.

Maybe

but that poster was specifically worried about being flamed for talking about his personal experience, and I’ve seen threads on this before turn pretty dismissive. I’ll be pleased to be wrong if I’ve jumped the gun though

@ArabellaScott @itwasntmetho thank you both.

Great post. The facts are the facts. Humans have an issue with violence. Anyone who has raised children knows this- both boys and girls have to be taught not to use violence. Yes, womens violence causes less serious physical injuries because we are weaker, but the psychological damage is just as bad. 1 in 3 victims of domestic abuse are men, and this ratio holds true even when comparing heterosexual men to heterosexual women.

@TokidokiBarbie lots of great studies to read through, thank you that is interesting.

@C8H10N4O2
”There is no doubt that domestic violence is committed by women but the suggestion that its anything like in equal numbers or with equal impact flies in the face of a great deal of research and experience from service providers.”

Since you have objected to the studies posted by @TokidokiBarbie , can you post the research you have asserted “flies in the face” of the research @TokidokiBarbie posted? I mean it’s one thing to dismiss out of hand a long list of peer reviewed studies, but to claim there is this other body of research out there which says differently….would like some references to these studies please. Oh, not really caring about “equal impact” as that’s not what @TokidokiBarbie was asserting, so just focus on the rate of incidence.

I suppose you are unaware of the varied roles of ISIS women then? Women were planning, building and carrying out bombings, were snipers on the battlefield, and were patrolling occupied territories with machine guns and executing civilians on the spot for infringements.

They weren’t all ‘ISIS brides’

Its largely similar with other terrorist groups, women do join them as fighters and do carry out terrorist attacks/killings. They’re not just bed warmers.

So no, terrorism isn’t “male violence”

I've been both the child of a father who was abused and I've been in a relationship where my extremely violent partner (almost killed me) accused me of abusing him.
1 in 5 reported incidents seems high.

"1 in 5 reported incidents seems high"

And yet people who work in the field and a lot of the data posted says if anything it is too low.

Make dv may not be in as much gander if death as women but it does happen and it is not surprising it is unreported as this thread shows 2 common reactions

Use of darvo tactics saying it must mean the man is abusive and using the claim as a further measure of control

Women are weaker and violence less dangerous so not a serious issue

That's a fair point. As I said, my father was abused. What doesn't ring true to me is that female on male violence would require police involvement. Men are generally able to protect themselves physically. If men are being abused and are now reporting it more, then that is a brilliant step in the right direction. Women can be extremely violent and abusive in other ways than violence.
I'm not terribly impressed with the OP nor with where the OP has positioned the post. It's not a feminism issue.

It's not a feminism issue.

Agree. Maybe there is a more suitable board?

That's a fair point actually, and terrorism was probably not the best example as there have been many female suicide bombers etc - I remember reading about how Samantha Lewthwaite helped sew other women into their explosive vests in case they had a last minute change of heart.

But I think my point still stands in relation to other ares of male violence, though. I think we still need to dig deeper into the specific areas/cases to resolve the issues, which is why I'm a bit hmm about the whole 'shared responsibility' thing and the claims from prominent feminists that 'you're either a feminist or part of the problem' etc (think it was Emma Watson that said that publicly to much agreement).

I think I'm also a bit sceptical because feminists never seem to want to accept responsibility for female violence despite wanting men to do the equivalent. You'll never hear a feminist discussing what they can do to help the rising tide of female violence. Straight under the rug it goes usually.

Oh is domestic violence the latest issue on which you are a google expert? I'm losing track of your many areas of "expertise" although I do note how often they coincide with a mens rights position.

Others have already linked to stats on DV on this thread as well as reporting the experience of service operators. Violence in general is overwhelmingly committed by men. End of.

When someone just happens to present a men's rights managed page of links to suggest women are equally violent and then goes on to imply that violence is mainly a problem of black and brown men then no I'm not interested in wasting my time on their or your agendas.

Carry on, I'm not playing.

No, I’m not an expert on domestic abuse other than having lived it and read the CSEW on domestic abuse put out by the ONS.

It’s a fair question? I see studies posted on the thread saying one thing, you come on and rubbish it saying the poster’s list of studies “flies in the face” of other research, so I ask again. Can you please link me to this research you have referenced? I’d like to be informed in as balanced a way as possible.

As far as I know, Wikipedia is not a “mens rights managed page”? It is a collaborative encyclopaedia and while not perfect, it isn’t a bad start to things. It isn’t always right either, which is why I’m interested in the research you are basing your assertions on?

Im a bit sad to see you being so aggressive, surely you have facts to back up what you’re saying? You don’t need to accuse anyone of having agendas. Why can’t we share research and studies so we can all be better informed?

Wikipedia being 'men's rights managed'. 😂 Whatever next?

And this is part of the issue. As soon as people try to discuss violence against men, you get vitriolic posters straight in there trying to ridicule and derail the discussion.

Even if male victims are only 30-40%, for the sake of argument, that's still a lot of men.

It's not a good look to be actively trying to dismiss violence perpetrated against anyone, regardless of sex, race, gender, etc.

Yes,

Its true many feminists demand men sort out male violence but then are in denial about female violence. If they’re not in denial it’s then “I’ll worry about the poor poor menz when the menz get their shit together” a “you first” type of response which is a childish reaction imho. Especially since the bulk of female violence is done against children of both sexes. At the very least we should be thinking about what can we do to stop female violence against children.

Yes, male violence is the bigger problem, but I can’t help thinking that if violence to children were reduced, then more children would grow up to be nonviolent men and women. It’s the next generation we really need to protect and guide.

A few points.... the editing of Wikipedia is well known to be dominated by men, and for women editors to have been harassed in the past. It has a well documented gender gap, it has its own Gender Gap Task Force. It's not inaccurate to point out that it has major issues with women and how pages are edited.
(www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2015/10/how-wikipedia-is-hostile-to-women/411619/)

A question for @Discovereads - do you really believe that women posting here are not at all concerned with addressing violence against children as part of their feminism? Violence towards children, or violence in the home witnessed by children, is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men. Of course the process of addressing male violence involves reducing or removing the violence experienced by children in their home environment. Why do you think feminists would not agree with that?

@RoseslnTheHospital
do you really believe that women posting here are not at all concerned with addressing violence against children as part of their feminism?

No, I do not believe that nor did I say it nor did I imply it.

Of course the process of addressing male violence involves reducing or removing the violence experienced by children in their home environment. Why do you think feminists would not agree with that?

I don’t think that feminists would not agree with it. Nor did I say or imply that.

Violence towards children, or violence in the home witnessed by children, is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men.

Your point? Most female violence is perpetrated on children, which includes male and female victims. The fact men are more violent in general is a point already made and acknowledged multiple times in this thread, which is about male victims of female violence. You don’t need to keep bringing male violence up. We know already.

This thread is about male victims. Perpetrators of either sex. "Domestic" abuse covers more than just spousal abuse.

If you consistently attack feminists and feminism then people will respond to your posts, regardless of the original post's topic. Perhaps you could stay on topic if you'd like to discuss male victims of abuse, rather than move on to discussing how feminism is wrong.

Oh, also you have said more than once "most female violence is perpetrated on children," would you mind explaining how you know that? I presume there's a source for that.

The thing is, most people are just blinkered to female violence, partly because it isn't publicised so much. I used to work in digital forensics so I've seen all of the dark corners of the web.

Plenty of male violence out there. War videos, murders, horrific fights, etc. But the videos I've seen that have possibly disturbed me the most have been the female bullying ones, which seem so much crueller than what I've ever seen from any young males.

Young lads often tend to bully by hitting etc, giving dead arms and sometimes worse. But there are loads of female bully vids with teenage girls stripping a crying victim and videoing it all to post online for all to see. All whilst laughing and shrieking hysterically. This kind of stuff inflicts deep and lasting trauma which persists long after the bruises of a dead arm have healed.

Most of them seem to be from Asian countries or Eastern Europe, probably because it would be seen as grievous sexual assault over here, but it shows the depths people will sink to when they know they can get away with it. There are absolutely dozens of these types of video out there, and loads more which have been removed.

On a thread about violence against women, anyone bringing violence against men into things gets short shrift. Why do some posters think it’s acceptable to derail this thread?