Jolo changing her name. After getting married

[Nomoreminecraftplease]

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got married at the weekend and Jennifer has now changed her name to Jennifer Affleck. Just Why? I'm surprised to be honest. Especially as she's so famous etc.

@Just4today

You said "you need to wait for it to be another man's name.

You are incorrect.
I already said earlier in the thread that I changed my surname from my fathers surname to my mother's surname when I was in my twenties. I still have my mother's surname.
When I marry my boyfriend, I will take his surname.

To me, taking someone's surname is to do with love. It Is to do with love for that person. It is nothing to do with gender.

I loved my mother (female) so I changed my surname to hers, as an act of my love for her.

I now love my boyfriend and I have been with him for a long time. I want to change my surname to his to show my love for him. And my bond to him

Sometimes it is about showing love and connection.
^^

Three times.

This marriage has been two decades in the making in a way. If she wants to change her name, that's her choice.

From the rest of my post the context should be clear, there is a don't missing!

Why does it bother you what someone else chooses to do?

There would be literally zero threads on any board of mumsnet if we applied this reasoning.

What's the man doing then? I can understand your reasons for adopting your mother's birth surname but this bonding/ showing love seems entirely one- sided. Why do only women make this public demonstration?

They aren't. No one is "forced to keep their father's surname" or more accurately "their name registered at birth".

As has been explained at length in the UK anyone over the age of 16 can take any name they want. They don't need to wait until a husband comes along.

I've come across several instances of adult men switching to their mother's birth name for exactly the reason you state.

And a proven cheater.

But then she's always seemed a bit arrogant and not particularly wise to me anyway.

When you're on marriage no 4, to a cheating, alcohol you've already had a broken engagement with, you maybe need to take a step back and stop getting married.

*alcoholic

This marriage has been two decades in the making in a way.

That's an interesting way of seeing a failed engagement, marriages to order people, kids with other people, cheating (on his part anyway) and an unwise, dysfunctional decision to get back together and even more foolish, get married. Oh well they prob have a good prenuptial.

Incidentally Ben Affleck comes across as one arrogant, sinister, misanthropic mf'er.

"I now love my boyfriend and I have been with him for a long time. I want to change my surname to his to show my love for him. And my bond to him"

But he doesn't love you then?

I didn't change my surname when I got married because my DH's surname didn't go' with my first name
So now my DH / me and the 2 DC have 3 different surnames (1 DC IS double barrelled)
But I don't get why keeping your surname is the feminist thing to do - as it still your father's name!

It's tradition and she wants to I suppose. I'm sure she'll still be JLo to most of us who don't know her!
What puts me off is paying for a new passport, new driving license, new professional name at work! .. but her finances are probably different to mine!

@Gwenhwyfar I already said that I want to change my name to his, because I want to show my bond to him, and also because I want to share a bond with his family.

I am much closer to his family than I am to my own. I didn't have a father at all growing up. Now I have a father in law that I love. I want to change my name to my boyfriends name.

Are you telling me what to do? Doesn't that fly in the face of feminism?

How can telling other women what to do ever be ok.

How can women who didn't like men telling us what to do - tell other women what to do?

It is the exact same abuse of power.

"You should do what I tell you to do". Why? I should have my own individual freedom to do what I want. The same as every other woman should.

It is the exact same abuse of power.
What power does anyone on this thread have over you?

@Bindayagain telling anyone what to do, is trying to have power over them.

Trying to tell anyone that they can't expesa their free will, is trying to have power over them.

Thats where feminism goes wrong.

Men used to enjoy having power over women. By telling them what to do.
Women protested this.

But some Women also enjoy trying to exert their power over other women, as is clearly demonstrated on this thread.

You can't protest what men did, and then tell women what to do in their lives.

I only know one woman IRL who kept her maiden name when getting married. Just one. Even a friend who was marrying a man named Mr Butt took his surname lol.
It's mainly Mn where I hear of people keeping their maiden name.

But regardless, surely the very idea of feminism is being able to keep or change your name if you want.

Surely one of very basic ideas of feminism grade one is thinking

"hmm, that's a bit odd, why is it assumed that a woman will give up her name when she marries?"

Followed by

"and why don't men do it?"

No one here is telling you what to do- beyond perhaps thinking about the reasons behind why women give up their names.

No it is not your "father's name"

It is your name. That's such a silly point. Men are allowed to own their own name but women aren't.

@TheLassWiADelicateAir it comes from your father.

Congratulations x

'it is your name. That's such a silly point. Men are allowed to own their own name but women aren't'

Well said

So much of what Julie Bindel calls 'choosy-choice feminism' on here. This idea that any choice a woman makes is automatically feminist, and we must all become nodding dogs and 'support' her no matter what. How patronising and infantilising. We should be able to disagree with each other and point out reasons why we think a decision is daft / stupid/ nonsensical/ damaging to women without being accused of upholding patriarchy etc