Jolo changing her name. After getting married

[Nomoreminecraftplease]

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got married at the weekend and Jennifer has now changed her name to Jennifer Affleck. Just Why? I'm surprised to be honest. Especially as she's so famous etc.

what Surname would you give your child though?

Mine

Why we completely ignore lines of descent through the actual mother is beyond me.

I hated my maiden name. That’s the reason I changed to my husband’s surname when we married. If I had liked my maiden name, I might have kept it or gone double-barrelled.

Does anyone else think that more young women are now changing their names on marriage than 20 years ago?
I kept my name as did many women I knew at the time but it seems rarer to do so now?

May just be the circle I know but they are professional young women.

I could also say : why do so many women keep their father's surname, and not their mother's?

It's because of tradition, and because of in the olden days - men being seen as more valuable than women.

In my twenties, I changed my surname from my father's surname to my mother's surname. I love it.

Also I think lots of women like to take the man's name on marriage.

It feels significant, romantic, a long held tradition (tradition is important to people), and a signal to the world of their new status.

That's what JLo is doing: I'm Mrs Affleck everyone, I'm his wife.
She's enjoying the identifier.

I'm not saying this is right btw, and no men don't do this, just that sometimes on the feminist discussion the real life motivators of many women are ignored.

Romance and tradition are not popular with feminists but lots of real life women still enjoy both. And the Mrs His Name gives a lovely thrill of having taken part in this significant public rite.

That's some of my thoughts about why so many women still choose this anyway.

I have some sympathy with RaininginDarling here. I legally had my mother's maiden name and was known by my abusive step fathers name. The amount of hassle that generated with passports etc was insane, so I changed my name by deed poll to my step fathers name purely for administrative purposes. This was a good while ago and it was the easiest way to resolve the issues with out causing more family ructions. I deeply resented having to do this, so when I married it was my choice to take my husbands (very lovely) surname, and he, dc and I all have the same name, which suits us.

I get the argument that it shouldn't automatically be the male name that's taken, but if I used my mothers name, I would have been taking her fathers name in any case. If I used my grandmothers ... etc etc. It's been ingrained in our culture for so long we simply don't have a matriarchal name tradition to draw on. Surely the right to chose is the important issue, whether that's to keep your name, take your partner's or have something new.

I have to say , I would change my name if I got married

To me is would be a symbol of my love, of our union. That we are now married.

I don't know why anyone could possibly think it is a bad thing. It can be a very sweet romantic thing.

And feminism means that every woman should have a choice in their lives, of what they want to do.

I don't know why anyone could possibly think it is a bad thing.
sorry, but maybe think a bit harder?

How does your husband symbolise all of this?

@Just4today feminism is about every woman having a choice, right?

I really can't understand "feminists" who tell other women what to do. That is not feminism at all.

If JLo wants to take her husband's name, and she feels happy - I support her.

If any women don't want to take their husbands name, I support them.

It is important that every woman has her own individual choice

@TheLassWiADelicateAir

Changing my name to his, would make me feel more bonded and closer to him. It's nice.

Not every choice a woman makes is a choice that is supportive of other women.
I would suggest if you can genuinely not think of any reason why a U.K. tradition of women losing their identity upon marriage can have any negative side to it then you need to think about it more.

It's a shame your hypothetical husband isn't willing to do anything to make himself feel close and bonded to his wife.

user "However, I think the right to "informally assume husband's name as an alias" should end. "

that's not a legality though? I am informally known by a name different to my birth certificate. My work name is the informal one. Legal and HR paperwork has the birth certificate one.

I have thought about changing it legally but it seems a lot of hassle.

@Just4today how does changing your surname , mean you lose your identity? It doesn't. And also maybe some women don't like their old name, and would like a new identity.

As I said I have changed my surname once in my twenties, from my father's surname to my mother's surname.

I felt exactly the same in my identity. I felt good that I could change my name if I wanted. It is a choice we all have.

Engagement rings, taking his name....left over sexist traditions. But they are traditions and if someone wants to be traditional, then that is their choice. Wouldn't be my choices but people do all kinds of things in life I wouldn't do.

This exactly..

I think women should empower other women to make the choice thatvis right for them.

I changed my surname so I didn't have the same surname as my abusive Dad..

When i got married. I wanted my husbands name as my surname felt i belonged no where

I could also say : why do so many women keep their father's surname, and not their mother's?

Well most of us are given our surname at birth. We don't get a say in it. It became my name the moment my birth was registered. It wasn't a loan from my Dad until I took another mans name

How do married men signify their love and union? Mr Smith is Mr Smith from the day he is born until the day he dies. Miss Jones is expected to become Mrs Smith to "signify her love"?

I get the argument that it shouldn't automatically be the male name that's taken, but if I used my mothers name, I would have been taking her fathers name in any case. If I used my grandmothers ... etc etc. It's been ingrained in our culture for so long we simply don't have a matriarchal name tradition to draw on. Surely the right to chose is the important issue, whether that's to keep your name, take your partner's or have something new

But this is the issue in my mind. Why was your mothers name not her name? Why can't women just own their names? So you say that you couldn't take your mother's name because it was actually her fathers. Yet you can take a mans name if you marry him. Surely you are just taking his fathers name then? This is all buying into the notion that men own their surnames and women don't. A womans is just on loan. It just makes no sense when you break it down.

I couldn't agree more with @RaininginDarling I also held the name of an abusive father, it was however the name I was known by throughout school, throughout work and would have been more hassle to have changed it to absolutely anything else just for the fun of it, explaining 'sorry no my name is now xxx' whereas with marriage it was a much easier transition - I never associated the name with him but always knew that I did not wish to carry his name on to any future generation - and that WAS something in my control.

(speaking of which, both of my brothers HAVE changed theirs since to our mothers maiden name)

Jennifer Lopez holds the name of her father, is that a problem? or is it only because she doesn't mind changing it from her fathers name to her husbands which is the issue?

Yes it's traditional and sexist in as far as men are not expected to act in the same way.

But many women like it. They like the tradition, I actually think many at a subconscious level like the feeling that they are now part of him and as such protected.

FWR will probably now combust at such an idea, but I think the psychology of relationships is not considered sufficiently and discussed mainly as if women make, or should make, decisions as if it's a political science project. Which obviously people don't.

I think there are lots of psychological factors for women liking taking men's names.

I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but I do think it's true.

In all honesty I don't understand why women view their birth names as belonging to their fathers and then say they are swapping one man's name for another's.
Surely when you are born and given a name it is yours, whether you are a male or female baby? It's not on loan anymore than a married name is - you use it, it belongs to you!
Now I absolutely agree that it should be as common for husbands to adopt their wives names as it is the other way around, but I certainly didn't feel oppressed by being given my dad's birth name.
If my mum had kept her (horrible) name I might have ended up saddled with it and I'm glad I got the better sounding one. I think we need to encourage a situation where couples pick the nicest one, rather than defaulting to the male name. But that name, regardless of who had it originally still belongs to the baby it's given to.

It's that same phenomenon that happens at nearly all weddings (I've been to) where the couple enter the reception announced for the first time as Mr and Mrs Him, and everyone cheers and it's a joyous moment.

Why is saying that so deeply evocative?

Or the moment when the husband says: my wife and I...
And everyone cheers.

Most, brides and guests love these moments, they have a deep resonance.

I'll even admit, after 25years of marriage, I still get a small thrill when I overhear my DH referring to me as his wife. I think: I'm his wife!??!! It's still weird and lovely.

But I didn't take his name. I was a rational feminist, but I still like it...

Really disappointing to see so many on this thread being judgmental of other women’s choices. Being “disappointed” in these women’s choices or calling them “bloody daft” is just so negative and unhelpful.

I changed my name because although I love my family, I hate the surname. I was bullied for it throughout primary school. My choice. Slating other women for the choices they make is a long way from feminism.