Jolo changing her name. After getting married

[Nomoreminecraftplease]

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got married at the weekend and Jennifer has now changed her name to Jennifer Affleck. Just Why? I'm surprised to be honest. Especially as she's so famous etc.

I think women should be allowed to do what they like, rather than being dictated to do the opposite of the last thing they were dictated to do.

I think he's punching above his weight!

No but if they want to and that is there choice then fine.

'I think he's punching above his weight!'

Well you can say that again!

You could have changed your name at any point in your adult life.

Many people do, for the reasons you state; including men who change to their mother's birth name, if they had a good relationship with that parent.

In your case you could have picked any surname you wanted- e.g favourite writer, actor, musician or an inspirational teacher.

This is the same as my family!

I double barrelled with my maiden name and the Uí version of dh’s name.

I wouldn’t make that decision today- I would’ve just kept my maiden name on its own.

I don’t get it either. But her choice. It’s just a status, social norm. I really can’t understand the logic but I don’t need to

She's waited 20+ years for it, she obviously wants to!

WTAF??! I didn't even know they were back together! It'll be Brad and Jen next.

Are there now 2 Jennifer Afflecks?

@TheLassWiADelicateAir Wow. You seem nice.

Thanks for pointing out the error in my thinking. How silly of me to not pluck a random name earlier! One with no meaning to me (Choose a celebrity, you say? WTAF).

Yeah, forget the family trauma or existential concerns like a sense of identity, belonging, history and connection, we mustn't disappoint some rando keyboard warrior and their cause. I could've just made up a new name! What was I thinking?

(But, celebrities!) Sweet baby cheeses.🙄🤣

The absolute irony of bring told here what I must do in society (because: woman) isn't lost on me.

My life. My choice. I'll be delighted to share a name with someone I consider family. If you, or other posters "can't imagine why a woman would do that" well, that's a problem with your imagination.

Just to be clear, in case it wasn't searingly obvious, I give zero fucks about your expectations or disappointment. And I have even less time for the complete salads who try to shame others for making different choices.

You don't want to get married? Good on you! Don't want to take the other person's name if you are? That's your call! Want to double-barrel it? Knock it out the park! I mean, seriously, get a grip.

I'm not sure where you're getting all that guff about disappointment, etc, etc. Certainly not what I said.

It's up to you of course there was no need whatsoever to keep a name you hated for 50 years. Many people , including men, change their names without waiting until they find a husband.

I didn't suggest a random celebrity; quite the contrary. I suggested picking a name of someone who meant something to you. Plenty of people do that- an inspirational teacher or their mother's born name. You could have distanced yourself from the name you hated as soon as you turned 18.

You realise this is the feminism section? Of course women are going to come on and express strong views about the patriarchal tradition of name changing!

Actually in the UK anyone can change their name to anything they want at 16 for no reason beyond they want to. There's no need for anyone to be stuck with a name that carries trauma for them.

I only know of one man who has changed his name to the same one as his wife. All the others kept theirs and assumed their spouses would change.

Choice is determined by cultural expectations. The man also has a “choice” to change his name, in that case, but hardly ever chooses to do so. That women still do it is quite backward, in my opinion.

Her brand is so strong it doesn't matter what she changes her name to. Look at when Prince changed his.
But because she's a strong, successful, beautiful woman who's made a decision, she should be questioned and beaten down.
She's in love and wants to change her name, good luck to her.

Hasn't she been married before?

JLo will always be JLo.

This. She could change her last name to Banana Hammock, she'd still be JLo.

I hope she's happy, I suspect it won't last.

I can't recall specific cases but I've definitely seen situations where adult sons have changed their names to their mother's birth name to distance themselves from abusive fathers.

JLo just seems a bit silly tbh. It's like when Madonna was going around calling herself "Mrs Ritchie".

Because they have each notched up so many marriages that they had to do something different to make this one seem special. In reality they will be divorced by next year!

Never said I hated my name. I happen to share it with people I love who are long dead. My ambivalence to my last name is deeply, psychologically nuanced and not something you seem able to grasp so that's the end of a somewhat unsatisfying discussion for us both.

Never "waited" for a husband either. It's 2022 not 1722. Although, it's kind of an interesting assumption. I mean, what else could my 50+ years on this planet possibly amount to other than waiting for a man, right? Not a rogue assumption, of course,
people - of both sexes - say some pretty crass things to those of us who don't fully comply, who don't have the babies or do what's expected and tow the line. Same old, same old...

Wouldn't life be dull if we were all the same?

And yes OP I'm perfectly aware it's the feminism board. You're just being a bit silly now but perhaps it makes you feel better about yourself? Or maybe you're just having a bad time of it, who knows. Go well, don't goad well. The internet isn't RL.

Not a flounce but consider this a cheeky salute as I step away from this thread now.

Life is short.. etc

Her response was perfectly sensible..you said you were going to change your name to your future husband's because your current name is linked with your abuser many years ago. She is right to say that you could have changed it any time rather than waiting decades until you got married.

Changing your name to your husband's when you get married is a choice. It's not a feminist act. Not all actions taken by women are feminist actions.

I will leave the name I share with my childhood abuser. Being estranged from birth family since my twenties, I am happy to share my future husband's name. He is my family.

I'm sorry you were abused. But I do have to ask why someone in this position wouldn't change their name anyway, instead of waiting for a husband's name to swoop in and rescue them? I also think it's worth pointing out that men don't change their names to their wives (well, very rarely) no matter how bad their relationship with their father etc. was; and I think that's because men think of their names as their OWN, rather than think of themselves as "borrowing" a male relative's name.

Of course women should have the choice to change names. However, I think the right to "informally assume husband's name as an alias" should end. If Mary Smith wants to take her husband's name of Jones, she should have to go through deed poll like everyone else--and deed poll should involve proper procedures, a background check and a grace period of 18 months of so to get all documents and accounts changed over.

The situation at the moment is not only sexist (since men cannot "assume" their wives names informally in this manner--they are expected to go through deed poll) but also encourages a half-arsed situation where women kind of vaguely "assume" their husband's names but don't bother getting all their paperwork switched. It's messy and can cause administrational problems, not to be mention potentially being a cover for fraud.

Deed poll procedures, meanwhile, should be tightened up a lot, since there is evidence that people like child molesters have used them to evade detection.

what Surname would you give your child though?