My dad asked my daughter if her sister has a boyfriend yet

[Northernlurker]

And she replied 'she's about to graduate medical school with TWO degrees and that's what you're asking?'

She's almost 15. I feel I've done a reasonable job

I assume there is an issue regarding the grandfather not acknowledging the granddaughters' achievements in general. Or constantly asking this question, perhaps only yo the girls/women in the family.

As a stand alone the granddad's question/small talk seems fairly standard and the granddaughter's response a bit odd, but that's if in a normal happy, healthy and well balanced family relationship.

Yep, it's all in the 'yet'. Ok so it might have been intended as 'Surely she must have found herself a boyfriend by now?!' rather than 'Your sister has been off filling her pretty head with all this clever stuff, but when's she going to settle down and do proper womanly things, eh?', but either way, the 'yet' implies that she's been failing to do something expected of her.

Have you got a boyfriend?

Have you got a boyfriend yet?

Can you honestly not see the difference?

Poor grandfather, hope he never asked a general question again.

Your daughter has been rude, and decided to ‘put down’ her grandfather, because of a normal ‘filler’ question from the older generation.

At her age I would inwardly roll my eyes at that question, but answer politely. And my brother would get the exact same one. They were just making conversation.

Yep. In the absence of back story (and I'm sure OP will come back with one, either legitimate or made up) it's just conversation, and sounds like a grandparent just wanting to catch up on his DGD's lives.

I love it!!!!! I love when young women call people out for acting like men are the center of the universe!

@Palavah

Have you got a boyfriend?

Have you got a boyfriend yet?

Can you honestly not see the difference?

The "yet" could be loaded, or more likely just casual.

I hate this picking apart of general chat for potential words that can be spun into meaning something that was never intended. People really do go looking for trouble sometimes.

Yet… it’s the implication that she hasn’t had one and should be focused on getting one as soon as possible.

I’ve always thought “yet” was a time marker in English. It’s not my first language but it implies there is some sort of expectation to have this sooner than later.

A native English speaker should correct me if I am wrong.

[quote ClinkeyMonkey]@fffffeeeedddduupp But we don't have enough information in the original post to infer that it was anything but a casual question from an interested grandparent. If he'd wondered why his granddaughter didn't hurry up and grab herself a man, get married and start having babies, then fair enough. Maybe that's what he meant and the OP knows this, but there was no mention of this.

Ah well, I'll just keep taking people's questions at face value until I know otherwise.[/quote]
Your right it's assumed based on the fact that op was pleased with her dd response.

I would be upset if one of my kids spoke to my dad like that. He's in his 80s and doesn't need to be re-educated by a smart-arse teenager.

You've taught her about equality, self-motivation and achievement: top marks for that. Now teach her about respect, the importance of context and engaging one's brain before opening one's gob.

You've taught her about equality, self-motivation and achievement: top marks for that. Now teach her about respect, the importance of context and engaging one's brain before opening one's gob.

Welcome to the 21st century, where parents believe teaching their children to be snot-nosed and gobby is more important than teaching them to have compassion, empathy, and understanding.

@MarshmallowSwede

Yet… it’s the implication that she hasn’t had one and should be focused on getting one as soon as possible.

I’ve always thought “yet” was a time marker in English. It’s not my first language but it implies there is some sort of expectation to have this sooner than later.

A native English speaker should correct me if I am wrong.

You're totally correct which is why it is a rude question.

@MrsEricBana

Good on her! (but also a standard grandparent question tbf to your dad)

God, is it? I’m always grateful I never knew my grandparents, if these are standard questions, then even more so! 😂

As it happens, my dd, my dgd and I have just had a conversation about her younger 16 yr old b brothers prom date. He is going with a girl and has said he 'supposes' she is his girl friend, as opposed to a friend who happens to be a girl.

We are interested because, although he is academically extremely able, he has in the past struggled with social actitivities. She is included in the conversation because she is part of the school grapevine and knows more than we do. She is also as interested as we are.

Dd and I are pleased to hear that his social life seems to be going well. He's come a long way from the child who always took a book to birthday parties 'in case I get bored.'

I am getting so fed up with modern-day feminism and its preoccupation with micro-aggressions. It's giving women a bad name.

Absolutely agree

Incredible thread.

Different people use different language, it doesnt all have some deeper meaning to it

I take most people on here arent from Italian or Irish families where this would be an everyday topic of conversation!!

There's sexism - and then there's overthinking things.

Maybe op knows that her Dad is sexist and not proud of his granddaughter's achievements. Maybe 15 year old sister knows too, hence her response.

Must be, otherwise why would OP be proud rather than ashamed?
The main odd thing is it's a male GP asking this. In my experience it's always mothers, grandmothers and aunts asking when you are going to get a boyfriend/get married/have kids. My male relatives have always left me alone in this regard.

I wouldn’t be proud if my teen was snotty and rude to a grandparent.

She was rude to answer her granddad’s very ordinary question in such an (oh so edgy) way, but she’s only 15 so can be allowed to think she’s smashed the Patriarchy with one comment.

Unless he’s massively sexist, her comment wouldn’t make me proud.