My dad asked my daughter if her sister has a boyfriend yet

[Northernlurker]

And she replied 'she's about to graduate medical school with TWO degrees and that's what you're asking?'

She's almost 15. I feel I've done a reasonable job

Yes, you've done a very good job - love it

You certainly have! My 16yo dd would respond similarly. Or possibly just roll her eyes!

Good on her! (but also a standard grandparent question tbf to your dad)

Good answer. Hope your father felt foolish, although if he's like my own Dad he'd be thinking ''why so sensitive, I just asked a question, poor me getting my head torn off''

@Northernlurker

And she replied 'she's about to graduate medical school with TWO degrees and that's what you're asking?'

She's almost 15. I feel I've done a reasonable job

👍

Good work!

My grandma used to ask us HOW MANY boyfriends we had. I wish I'd had the strength as a teen to answer like your daughter. My mother did not advocate against non consensual hugs and kisses either. 🙄

My eldest is gay but has chosen not to tell my dm yet. I don't think she ever will tbh. She's not as forthright as your girl but at least she's making choices about what she doesn't say

Well done that girl and qwll done you for raising her to speak her mind and call out sexism when she sees it!

Brilliant

Well done that girl and qwll done you for raising her to speak her mind and call out sexism when she sees it!

How is it sexism?

How is it sexism?

I would like to know this too. I think the reply was great btw, but I think asking about boyfriends/girlfriends is pretty standard small talk.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏to you and your daughters

Well done all!

Though i think without the 'yet' it's a broadly acceptable question if you've already been asked about work/uni/ other fun stuff.

The 'yet' is a sackable offence.

@ClinkeyMonkey

How is it sexism?

I would like to know this too. I think the reply was great btw, but I think asking about boyfriends/girlfriends is pretty standard small talk.

It's the underlying implication that having a relationship defines you as a successful human being .

Do you mean she’s almost 25?

Nice answer!

And by far and away the best approach for random enquirers

But I think close family are allowed to ask about relationships - your DDad probably already knows about her his DGDs other achievements

It's the underlying implication that having a relationship defines you as a successful human being

Not wanting to labour the point, but going to anyway how is that sexist? Boys/men are also regularly asked if they have a girlfriend. Making the assumption that someone is heterosexual might be up for question, but it's hardly sexist to ask if someone is in a relationship.

The DGF is perfectly aware of the sister's achievements I'm sure, and is almost certainly very proud.

He was asking a perfectly normal grandfather-y question and got a snotty reply from a 15 year old. I wouldn't be proud.

@ClinkeyMonkey

It's the underlying implication that having a relationship defines you as a successful human being

Not wanting to labour the point, but going to anyway how is that sexist? Boys/men are also regularly asked if they have a girlfriend. Making the assumption that someone is heterosexual might be up for question, but it's hardly sexist to ask if someone is in a relationship.

It stems from the idea that have a partner denotes your worth. People tend to ask that more than about career or academics or hobbies. And about babies snd pregnancy.

Men do get asked too but there's always been a negative around single women that doesn't apply to men in the same way.

Of course it's entirely possible grandad is interested in all areas of his dgc life and this was another thing he was asking or it could be he shows little interest and asks questions like have you found a boyfriend yet and that's why she felt the need to make the comment.

It depends on the grandfather and whether he has form for ignoring her academic achievements.

To me it sounds like a standard Grandparent question which didn’t merit the great feminist takedown.

I'd be mortified if one of my children was so rude to their grandparent.
I feel sorry for the grandfather.

I wish I’d had the guts and realisation I could answer this kind of question like this when I was younger.

My wider family were forever asking me this kind of thing, don’t remember ever being asked about how my degree was going, or being congratulated on the result.

@fffffeeeedddduupp But we don't have enough information in the original post to infer that it was anything but a casual question from an interested grandparent. If he'd wondered why his granddaughter didn't hurry up and grab herself a man, get married and start having babies, then fair enough. Maybe that's what he meant and the OP knows this, but there was no mention of this.

Ah well, I'll just keep taking people's questions at face value until I know otherwise.

I don’t really understand is there something missing, does he show no interest in her academic achievements? I think you can have both a successful academic career and a partner. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Is the objective of feminism now to just be needlessly rude to everyone?

Maybe op knows that her Dad is sexist and not proud of his granddaughter's achievements. Maybe 15 year old sister knows too, hence her response.

My Dad asking the same wouldn't illicit such a response as he is insanely proud of his granddaughter. Mind you, I can't see him asking such a question. My Mum though ...

Unless there is some huge backstory to this then I’d be mortified if I was you.

I’m assuming this is a loving grandparent as you’ve maintained contact.

Your daughter has been rude, and decided to ‘put down’ her grandfather, because of a normal ‘filler’ question from the older generation.

At her age I would inwardly roll my eyes at that question, but answer politely. And my brother would get the exact same one. They were just making conversation.

It does annoy when stuff like this so held up as some sort of victory for women. If it was actual sexism (like ‘why does your sister need a job, can’t she just get married’) then maybe it would be helping to fight ‘micro sexism’. Hardly fighting FGM, poor rape convictions or domestic violence though was it? If you want to believe you’ve raised some paragon of feminism then maybe get her to volunteer/donate to a charity, and then apologise for being such a rude shit to her grandfather.