Is the world actually fair on men.

[Bella3456]

A very interesting one here and I'm intrigued to hear peoples thoughts. This is to do with abuse. A very long time ago I had social services involved (they are long gone now) me and partner had a physical altercation (lots more to it but will leave it at that) because of having a child social services got involved and I explained that it was both of us (hes long gone by the way) and instantly they were telling me how terrible he was.....but not how terrible I was i found it really strange. However I have a 6 year old boy and I must admit if he hit a woman I'd go absolutely ballistic and march him straight to therapy. When I defended my ex partner again saying it too was my fault no one believed me. I honestly could do no wrong and I just found the whole thing really odd. It does turn out that he ended up being incredibly emotionally and physically abusive in the end and social services said I was only 'reacting to my surroundings' which I actually believe to be true. I also believe that men being violent towards women can cause women a lot more damage because biologically they are much stronger. However if a woman was repeatedly attacking my son let's say when he's older for example constantly punching him and he hits her back i would be RAGING. But why is this? I do feel like its because men are naturally stronger so its not a 'fair fight' but also I feel like almost everyone is quick to not blame a woman and blame it all on the man. Interesting one to debate. Also want to stress I believe violence is wrong....no matter man or woman. But personally I believe man on woman violence is worse because the woman is at so much more risk due to how much stronger men are (normally). What's everyone's thoughts?

Also not wanting to cause any arguments. Pure curiosity at what everyone thinks

But personally I believe man on woman violence is worse because the woman is at so much more risk due to how much stronger men are (normally)

Well of course, yes. But the thing about male violence against women isn't just that it's unequal strength, it's that it's so common. Female violence against men is unusual. Male violence against women is endemic,and is indicative of more than just individual violent men- ot is a society-wide problem.

Yes fairisle, the rage we feel at men is due to how prevalent male abuse and violence is against women and children as well as their physical advantage. Domestic abuse against men by women is of course wrong, but I don't think there is the same degree of physical threat and danger. Emotional abuse of men by women also happens but I've no idea how common it is or if the patterns are similar because we don't tend to hear about it. Maybe if we did we would feel more angry at the women?

Having read your OP, I really think that you need to revisit your past experiences with your ex in therapy. It sounds like there's quite a lot of minimising and excusing going on, and you could do with unpicking where that comes from.

Maybe there are double standards in how male violence is perceived vs how female violence is perceived. I expect that stems from the strength disparity and greater likelihood that male violence will result in serious injury or death.
However it seems a stretch to get from there to "the world is unfair to men".

@crackofdoom

Having read your OP, I really think that you need to revisit your past experiences with your ex in therapy. It sounds like there's quite a lot of minimising and excusing going on, and you could do with unpicking where that comes from.

This.

I think you haven't faced what went on in that relationship and how physically vulnerable you were and how much he controlled the "fighting".

I can understand why you do this - thinking it was both of you instead of you being abused by a man gives you a sense of control, a sense of not being a victim. My mother had a somewhat similar thing - her recounting of what she went through is directly contracdictory to every other woman who went through it but it was a thing she did to make herself think she had some control in a situation where she had none.

Men are fair on men. They have it easy.

I just wasn't sure what to put as the title to be honest. I feel naturally I've always known as a woman man on woman violence is worse. Of course because of they are usually stronger so can cause more damage. When my sons older I would always teach him never to hit a woman even if she was constantly pinching him and only use proper self defence methods. But then would my son be putting himself in danger not hitting her to stop her hitting him? And then if he did hit her in self defence he would be labelled a woman abuser. Its such a strange conversation to have. My advice to him of course would always be never hit her but use proper methods of self defence. And to never ever hit back. But I keep wondering WHY I would say that to him. Why is that my advice. And would I be the same if I had a daughter and would I give her the same advice

And yes @pillisers at the time (a long time ago) I hit him because he was in my 'space' and refusing to leave the house (he didn't live there) after I repeatedly told him too he was standing there laughing. I dont agree hitting him was the rught way to go about it at all looking back I would have phoned the police to remove him. However I do believe enough isn't said about emotional abuse so him invading my personal space refusing to leave/ laughing being manipulative. That's what my social worker was trying to get at and looking back i totslly agree with her. But still. It doesn't excuse hitting someone

I would wonder why it is so important that you tell your son how to deal with an abusive partner - it's as if you expect him to have one, like it's pretty normal. It wouldn't even occur to me to be honest, but I've never been in an abusive relationship.

As with other posters I also think you need some help unpicking all this - it sounds like your thinking is still quite skewed.

@titchy I wouldn't talk to him about it now hes only 6 but I feel like it would be important to talk to him about it when he's old enough to have a relationship. There are some crazy people out there

[quote Bella3456]@titchy I wouldn't talk to him about it now hes only 6 but I feel like it would be important to talk to him about it when he's old enough to have a relationship. There are some crazy people out there[/quote]
Modelling good relationships means he won't get into a relationship with a crazy person in the first place because he'll recognise it as not normal. You're normalising it.

@titchy im not in that relationship anymore havent been for a good while. I'm not normalising abuse but I do think its important to talk to kids (when old enough) about abusive relationships and what abuse is

And actually - women just aren't violent to men. It's vanishingly rare for a woman to be genuinely physically abusive.

The world is far far far fairer for men than women.

Surely the message is always the same? Don't hit back, remove yourself from the situation at the first opportunity and don't go back. The sex doesn't matter from that point of view does it?

Violence is a no. Pure and simple.

I think we will have to agree to disagree ive heard of some awfully violent women towards their partners and who have got in trouble with the law for it.

@JustALittleHelpPlease agreed. Theres always a way to remove yourself and if the other person doesn't leave phone police to remove them

@Bella3456

I think we will have to agree to disagree ive heard of some awfully violent women towards their partners and who have got in trouble with the law for it.

Oh FFS this is absolutely not true. You're just another fucking MRA.

98% of violence is male perpetrated.
98 fucking %.

Violence towards men from female partners is probably higher than you realise. It's under reported because of shame and there is a systemic view that violence is the other way around( which is generally the case). I've worked with loads of men who have suffered abuse and the feelings of being trapped are similar to male on female abuse.

@titchy yes its more uncommon but it absolutely does happen

And thankyou for backing me up! @Jonny1265

[quote Bella3456]@JustALittleHelpPlease agreed. Theres always a way to remove yourself and if the other person doesn't leave phone police to remove them[/quote]
I think that's a little disingenuous tbf, there is not always a way to remove yourself. Particularly if the perpetrator is physically bigger and stronger. Saying call the police in that way is similar to saying "why does she stay". Its never that simple. But you're allegedly asking about teaching your son about female violence?

I just wanted to have a conversation about it all really, but yes when he's old enough I would teach him about it so he knows whats right and whats wrong and the acceptable way to react. Would do the same if I had a daughter

MRA.