The constant maintenance of womanhood

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Another thread about the pill got me thinking. Taking a pill every single day is tedious as well as a health issue.

But there are so many things women are supposed to do to 'maintain'.

Health is the pill as the obvious one. I know biology is a bastard so smears too. And breast exams.

Body. Waxing or trimming, hair being coloured and styled, face free of random hair.

Life. Wife work and house work and presents and school and appointments. Occasional DIY isn't like that.

I don't do 70% of the above BTW but I know women who do. And I know men would argue shaving but beards are now everywhere. A woman's work is never done I suppose.

And I think the body stuff is actually regressing for women. With more expectations of perfection requiring enormous cost and commitment. And it's worse for certain women. The expectations on black women and older women, plus teens is immense!

[Dailywalk]

You’re right. Haven’t really considered this before but yes, it is expensive being female.

[WithLargeTableMouse]

I realised this after I’d forked out for eye cream, serum, collagen booster, day cream, retinol booster, night cream… and I don’t look any better than before. Men just wash, slap on a bit of moisturiser and they’re done 🤯

[MrsTerryPratchett]

DH asked me this morning, "does moisturiser work?"

I hope so because I've probably spent thousands on it. I don't look like a burst piece of old leather like DH though.

[Grellbunt]

@WithLargeTableMouse

I realised this after I’d forked out for eye cream, serum, collagen booster, day cream, retinol booster, night cream… and I don’t look any better than before. Men just wash, slap on a bit of moisturiser and they’re done 🤯

I just do that and look fine. Just try it!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I just do that and look fine. Just try it!

I agree to an extent. But there is an expectation on women that there isn't on men. Even if we personally choose to opt out, there is a cost to this. Performing femininity is sometimes expedient in the short term.

[Grellbunt]

Sorry, I'm missing the point, I realise.

You're not wrong - it's tiresome.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Think about Jason Momoa. No! Not like that!

He's greasy, unshaven, seemingly pissed a fair amount, wrinkly, and considered one of the worlds most attractive men.

I can't think of a similarly disheveled woman who get that. Maybe her off the garden program who didn't wear a bra.

[Grellbunt]

@MrsTerryPratchett

I just do that and look fine. Just try it!

I agree to an extent. But there is an expectation on women that there isn't on men. Even if we personally choose to opt out, there is a cost to this. Performing femininity is sometimes expedient in the short term.

I know - and sometimes I wish I looked more traditionally feminine I must admit. But I just can't be arsed.

[CiaoForDiNiaoSaur]

My brother told me in the summer its embarrassing to be seen with me because I rarely shave my legs. I told him I felt the same about him

[CovoidOfAllHumanity]

I've got increasingly more pissed off with this as I have got older

I don't wear make up or high heels because I can't see the point in doing uncomfortable stuff that I dislike. If I enjoyed make up and clothes as art or fashion it would be different. If it is voluntary self expression that is equally open to men and women I have no issue with it but this expectation that make up and pencil skirts are a baseline of looking 'professional' I won't play ball with any longer. It is hard work and a waste of energy.

I suspect some of my colleagues disapprove but I really don't care. I think if I am clean and decent then it should not matter if my skin tone is uneven, my forehead is shiny and I am wearing some comfy trousers and flat shoes.

[ChubbyK]

I've long since quit any leg/vagina hair maintenance. I do my armpits in 10 seconds in the shower.

I'm fine with a fluffy vag.

[Usernamenotavailabletryanother]

The worst, the very worst of this for me is how all this work has been packaged and sold back to us as ‘pampering’ and ‘relaxation’

Treat yourself- paint your nails a bright colour, spend hours in an uncomfortable chair getting unacceptable grey hair dyed, have other hairs painfully ripped out of your body… err, thanks? How much?! Don’t worry, it’s a treat

[KittenKong]

Oh I’m very low maintenance - never get me nails/waxing/facials... rarely shave my legs (very fair hair), hate getting my hair cut, use whatever moisturiser is in the cabinet... my 2 male home-mates are far more ‘maintained’.

I’m such a slob 😂 (it’s my mums fault - she was such a ‘lady’!)

[MrsTerryPratchett]

The worst, the very worst of this for me is how all this work has been packaged and sold back to us as ‘pampering’ and ‘relaxation’

YES! Can I not have a day where I eat crap and drink beer in a hammock with puppies? That's a spa day.

[Holidaytan]

This is nonsense.
No one is forcing you to buy eye cream and make up.
I use a basic moisturiser, flannel and water for my face and never wear makeup.
I’m never short of admirers and have 17,000 followers on my Twitter who are mainly men (just to show, that if you’re saying we have to do these things for men, we totally don’t!)

I’ve not been on the pill for years, I ensure the chap I’m with takes precautions.
Tights etc can be expensive, but again, they’re a choice to buy.
Men traditionally pay more for dates etc so it’s swings and roundabouts……….

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Do you genuinely think there's no expectation? Really actually.

What about body hair?

[TreXX]

Hmmm.. I must be womaning wrong then

I do hrt, for my own sanity, the rest... Nah

[Holidaytan]

Lots of men prefer smooth.
Lots of men (including my DH) prefer hairy. I’d just focus on the positives you can find in life, rather than looking for things to rage against.

The last time I had a spa day, I had a massage and lounged around in the sauna, steam and jacuzzi and enjoyed a nice meal. No plucking or waxing involved.

Oh, and I was completely naked the whole time, alongside other men and women equally comfortable in their own skin.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Lots of men prefer smooth.

And there's the expectation. That what a man prefers should inform a painful and expensive decision for a woman.

You can choose to opt out. I mostly do. But it's there. My DD at 10 is already thinking about body hair. Because other children raise it. I never have. And TV is not full of hairy women, that's for sure.

[Mooserp]

I don't try to meet expectations. I have grey hair, I don't wear make up or use fancy products. I shave because I like having smooth skin - it's not often seen by others.

If you don't agree with them, don't do them!

[PicsInRed]

I remember when women shaving their arms seemed a bit much...now they're shaving their faces! Bloody everything! Plus fake eyebrows, fake eyelashes, hair makeup, contouring, fake hair, fake coloured contacts, fake nails, eye lash serum, laser everything. Fuck that.

[Usernamenotavailabletryanother]

Societal expectations of female beauty are very, very real. A few people choosing to ignore them doesn’t mean that they don’t exist.

I’d much rather women got angry than focus on the positives TBH.

[Usernamenotavailabletryanother]

Budge up in that hammock, @MrsTerryPratchett!

[Holidaytan]

@MrsTerryPratchett I feel you chose to be very selective in your quote there. You ignored ‘lots prefer hairy’. So, you’ll find lots like smooth, lots like hairy, lots have more preference/like both. Lots of men prefer blonde hair, small boobs, big bums…….. imagine if all the women with the opposite of any of the above sorry any time worrying about it!
Of course they do, but again, that’s down to their choice.
I choose not to worry that I’ve wonky boobs and wear glasses. I’m happy to be me!

[LoveFall]

What really bugs me is the old "she looks after herself" statement that is really code for she is slim, coiffed, waxed, painted etc.

I have never heard that statement made in relation to a man.