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Feminism: sex and gender

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Feminism: sex and gender

Feminism: chat

Is there anything wrong in looking "slutty"?

118 replies

Tsubasa1 · 15/08/2021 16:40

I'm just wondering if there's anything wrong with feeling sexy and wearing sexy clothes. I get the impression it's not okay from some of the threads on mumsnet. I've started buying new clothes recently, that could be considered slutty, obviously because it's hot but they make me feel good aswell.

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Orchidflower1 · 15/08/2021 16:44

Sl!tty is an awful term. Yabu to refer to yourself and any clothes like that.

Wear what you want as long as it comfortable, clean and appropriate to the occasion you’re in. I feel a ballgown and tiara maybe a bit OTT for a trip to Tesco but if it’s clean and comfy and you can safely push the trolly in it go for it.

It’s more about the appropriateness of the clothes for the occasion.

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ShippingNews · 15/08/2021 16:49

I agree with PP. I hate the word slut in any context so i'd never describe clothes as slutty. But if you are purposely buying and wearing very revealing clothes at any and every occasion, you can't blame people for thinking that you look inappropriate at times .

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robotcollision · 15/08/2021 17:00

It is a horrible term, I agree. But I do think that the feminist viewpoint that women can and should wear whatever they want has a problematic element. Because some clothes are overtly sexual, designed to tantalise by almost revealing crotch (mini skirts) and breasts (low cut tops) and men will notice this. I'm not saying it's slutty to wear them, but I do think it's disingenuous to get upset when men respond exactly as the clothes are designed to get them to respond. In a professional setting, I'd never wear a very short skirt or revealing top because I don't want to send mixed messages. I think it's empowering to deflect the male gaze by wearing clothes that aren't designed to invite sexual attention. And I don't really understand what some women get from body con and stilettos in a work setting if it isn't a boost from the sexual attention they invite.

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Tsubasa1 · 15/08/2021 17:08

I apologize for using that term, I honestly thought that the term "slut" had been reclaimed by women (much like the term queer has been reclaimed), probably from hearing about the "slut walks" and so on. Well I'm not buying the clothes to get sexual attention, just because I like the clothes and feel attractive in them. @robotcollision so if a man responds with unwanted behaviour, it's okay because wearing those clothes is asking for that?

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Tsubasa1 · 15/08/2021 17:09

Also, for some reason I don't see unrevealing clothes are empowering at all. I just see clothes as clothes.

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BeeOnADandelion · 15/08/2021 17:16

And I don't really understand what some women get from body con and stilettos in a work setting if it isn't a boost from the sexual attention they invite.

Clothes are bits of fabric that cover a body. They do NOT "invite sexual attention" regardless of the styling.

OP of course there's nothing wrong with your choice of clothing, as long as it meets any dress codes for the place you're attending. Lots of women dress in this manner as their everyday style. Plenty of cross dressing men prefer to wear this type of clothing too, they clearly don't see anything wrong with it.

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EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 15/08/2021 17:20

I honestly thought that the term "slut" had been reclaimed by women (much like the term queer has been reclaimed)

That’s probably quite a good analogy, since many lesbians & gay men still view queer as a homophobic slur.

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robotcollision · 15/08/2021 17:26

Clothes are bits of fabric that cover a body. They do NOT "invite sexual attention" regardless of the styling.

However much we might want that to be true ideologically, it just isn't true. I am very aware how different clothes I wear affect how I am treated. If I wear loose trousers and a padded anorak I am invisible to men. They don't serve me immediately in bars or shops. If I wear a fitted tee shirt and jeans, I've noticed it's a weird sweet spot where I don't look like I'm coming on to men but they are extra nice to me - they offer to carry my bags or let me off the bus fare. If I wear a skin tight body con dress and heels, there's an almost aggressive lust like the incel mindset that it's unfair some people have access to sex if they don't. Some of them will approach and some will treat me with distain. FWIW I'm mid fifties and very average in every way. It's the clothes they are responding to, not me. Surely other women have noticed this?

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Hatethisplacetho · 15/08/2021 17:27

When you say “makes you feel attractive” do you mean - makes you feel that men will find you attractive?
Men have so much power in the workplace etc so I can understand the logic that it feels empowering to have them think you’re attractive. Have to laugh at the mental gymnastics of “I enjoy looking attractive for my own purposes” as if attraction etc exists in a solipsistic vacuum.
And of course wearing titillating clothes isn’t an excuse for men to behave inappropriately however, it seems naive to think that just because men oughtnt have a sexual interest in women’s appearance, that they won’t.

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midgemagneto · 15/08/2021 17:30

Attractive === people will be attracted to me based on the physical image I am portraying

Can you not see the overlap with "physical attraction " and attraction to your physical presence ie your body and sexual attraction?

Which as has been said isn't really appropriate in many settings eg where you want to focus attention on the quality of your mind snd thinking

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midgemagneto · 15/08/2021 17:32

And look how many women say " oh it's just for me nothing to do with what others might see" and then spent lockdown in trackkie bottoms not lace and heels

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Kanaloa · 15/08/2021 17:34

Nothings wrong with skimpy clothing/short dresses, the problem is in calling these clothes ‘slutty.’ It implies that firstly wearing skimpy clothes makes you a slut, and secondly that being a ‘slut’ is bad. I mean, if you consider a slut a woman who sleeps with loads of men, what do you call a man who sleeps with loads of women? The only word I can think of that would be used for a man is a ‘player.’

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Kanaloa · 15/08/2021 17:36

Although I must say I’ve never experienced unknown men offering to carry my shopping/let me off on bus fare. I wouldn’t accept if they did, I would insist upon paying my bus fare or would say no thank you I’m carrying my own things.

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MotionActivatedDog · 15/08/2021 17:37

Well first of all OP, can you define “slutty”?

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SmokedDuck · 15/08/2021 17:37

Clothes are bits of fabric that cover a body. They do NOT "invite sexual attention" regardless of the styling.

So as a clothes designer, I could design clothes meant to be revealing, or nearly revealing, in a sexual way. As a woman who wears clothes, I could choose clothes that are purposefully meant to highlight my sexual characteristics and look sexy.

But somehow when doing so, no one notices?

I don't understand the disconnect with this thinking, whether there is some belief that clothing designers never push that envelope, or women wearing clothes never do, or even though they do, no one takes notice.

If any of those are the case I've gotta wonder what the fuss is about bikini clad girls in newspapers, or whether generations of female pop stars realize they were wasting their money.

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SalsaLove · 15/08/2021 17:37

@robotcollision

Clothes are bits of fabric that cover a body. They do NOT "invite sexual attention" regardless of the styling.

However much we might want that to be true ideologically, it just isn't true. I am very aware how different clothes I wear affect how I am treated. If I wear loose trousers and a padded anorak I am invisible to men. They don't serve me immediately in bars or shops. If I wear a fitted tee shirt and jeans, I've noticed it's a weird sweet spot where I don't look like I'm coming on to men but they are extra nice to me - they offer to carry my bags or let me off the bus fare. If I wear a skin tight body con dress and heels, there's an almost aggressive lust like the incel mindset that it's unfair some people have access to sex if they don't. Some of them will approach and some will treat me with distain. FWIW I'm mid fifties and very average in every way. It's the clothes they are responding to, not me. Surely other women have noticed this?

I completely agree with this.

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robotcollision · 15/08/2021 17:38

@Tsubasa1 - no 100% it is not a woman's fault if she gets unwanted attention and no woman is asking for it, ever.

But I choose not to wear clothes that men read as an invitation and I am fully aware that certain clothes are read by men in this way. To ignore this obvious fact is, in my opinion, disempowering to women.

I hate unwanted attention from strangers and I know certain clothes attract it. If I dress up to go out with DH, I get attention I don't enjoy from strangers. When I don't dress up, I don't get it. I feel empowered by wearing clothes that elicit the kind of attention or lack of it that I choose. I like to control how much attention men give me and in my experience, wearing what OP describes as 'slutty' clothes takes that power away from me. It's my choice and it's my subjective experience of how clothes work. I'm not telling anyone else how to dress. And I would never ever think a woman is at fault if a man behaves badly towards her, whatever she is wearing. Women are not responsible for men's behaviour. But we are in control of how much unwanted attention we get from them, and clothing choice plays a part in this.

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robotcollision · 15/08/2021 17:40

@Kanaloa

Although I must say I’ve never experienced unknown men offering to carry my shopping/let me off on bus fare. I wouldn’t accept if they did, I would insist upon paying my bus fare or would say no thank you I’m carrying my own things.

Uh yeah, so do I. It just amuses me when they try.

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LeonieSims · 15/08/2021 17:41

The idea that all clothes are simply pieces of fabric that cover the body is laughable. Certain styles/fits of clothing are designed to be "sexy".

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Kanaloa · 15/08/2021 17:41

Does it happen to you often? Must say I’ve never experienced it or seen it happen to anyone else to be honest.

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CuntAmongstThePigeons · 15/08/2021 17:44

I more often than not dress in revealing clothes. Personally this is because my experience has been men will harass you, target you, assault you regardless of what you're wearing. I think its pretty misogynistic to suggest otherwise.

Some of the worst experiences I've had with men have been when I've been in tracksuits or anoraks. As far as I'm concerned if I'm going to get harassed anyway then I'll damn well wear what I want.

I actually think its a real fuck you to dress exactly how I please and constantly tell men to fuck off when I do get attention. I really resent the implication that dressing in revealing clothes is for anyone other than yourself.

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midgemagneto · 15/08/2021 17:49

Well if you wore the same clothes in lockdown as when out and about I'd believe you

I just know so many women didn't

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CuntAmongstThePigeons · 15/08/2021 17:55

I'm not sure you understood my point. I was saying that my experience has been that WHATEVER I wear out in public invites harassment. Therefore I'll wear what I personally find attractive.

At home, I'm unlikely to be harassed by anyone other than the dog so bit of a moot point. Though actually you should see the stuff I flounce around in at home 🤣🤣 Mainly fancy underwear/nightwear with full length kimonos with fluffy trim.

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robotcollision · 15/08/2021 17:58

@Kanaloa

Does it happen to you often? Must say I’ve never experienced it or seen it happen to anyone else to be honest.

No, it doesn't happen often because I usually wear 'invisible' clothes. And I don't invite it or encourage it. I just notice it.

I have a client who is stunning - she could be a model - and she always wears very loose unrevealing 'make me invisible' clothes to avoid male attention. She always looks elegant and very stylish. Her clothes are gorgeous. But she just doesn't wear the kind of clothes men notice. I think that's a powerful decision.

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lazylinguist · 15/08/2021 18:00

Well I'm not buying the clothes to get sexual attention, just because I like the clothes and feel attractive in them.

Do you really see no correlation between those two things? After all, what does 'attractive' actually mean?

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