Is there anything wrong in looking "slutty"?

[Tsubasa1]

I'm just wondering if there's anything wrong with feeling sexy and wearing sexy clothes. I get the impression it's not okay from some of the threads on mumsnet. I've started buying new clothes recently, that could be considered slutty, obviously because it's hot but they make me feel good aswell.

If someone collects the kids from school with their breasts hanging out or with a skirt so short we can all see their knickers then it is inappropriate. Thin Lycra that leaves nothing to the imagination can be a bit awkward for colleagues - male and female alike. Similarly, men walking around town with no tops on or thin cycling shorts is not appropriate either.
It's not hard to dress appropriately. As long as you you maintain basic standards go for it.

This is one of those situations where I feel people should wear what they want and clothes are just clothes and they arent sexy - its just a bit of cloth.

But at another level I know that clothes are designed for all sorts of things from protecting from weather, to showing what 'tribe' you are in, for a specific function like riding a horse or to show wealth in terms of fabrics or labels. So therefore its silly to pretend some arent designed to show off body bits.

Obviously this doesnt invite people to make lewd comments or force themselves on you and it doesnt mean someone is asking for it.

I actually think its a real fuck you to dress exactly how I please and constantly tell men to fuck off when I do get attention. I really resent the implication that dressing in revealing clothes is for anyone other than yourself.

I don't really understand this. You use the word revealing which implies clothes that draw attention to body parts. But you don't need to reveal your body parts to yourself. So the choice is to reveal them to others. (Which is fine, I'm not judging it but I am curious about it) in which case isn't the choice you are making one in which you invite others to gaze at your body? And if this choice is just for you, what do you get from it? Is it a feeling of empowerment that other people stare appreciatively?

Is it a feeling of empowerment that other people stare appreciatively?

O don't wear revealing clothes anymore because ATM I don't feel confident in my own body so don't want to show it off. But this is exactly how I used to feel when I would wear clothes that showed off my body - sexy, attractive (to others), confident in knowing other people think I look desirable.

I don't really understand what you mean by revealing myself to myself. Sorry! I look in the mirror before I leave the house and I like the clothes I'm wearing. I therfore don't allow myself to have the thought process of oh that will encourage men to behave in a certain way so you shouldn't wear it. That feels like giving in I suppose, and my personal experience has been it doesn't make a blind bit of difference what I'm wearing.

I wear exactly what I like, and I suppose on one level I think if enough women did the same and didn't allow men to dictate what they felt able to wear then maybe men would stop thinking the clothes women wear has anything to do with them. Just my opinion obviously.

The question is how much do you understand about why you like a certain look

You must recognise that what you like isn't determined in isolation from the society in which we live because the variation you see in style today is way less than the diversity over different time and cultures

Depends on what you mean by 'sexy' clothes or what you define as sexy clothes. Personally I think sexy is something you wear that gives a hint at what is underneath rather than having it all showing. The word slutty is vile and should never be used by anyone.

@midgemagneto

The question is how much do you understand about why you like a certain look

You must recognise that what you like isn't determined in isolation from the society in which we live because the variation you see in style today is way less than the diversity over different time and cultures

This is what I'm getting at too! Who controls what we feel good in and why we feel good in it. Good in what way? Comfortable? Able to move freely? Body temperature carefully controlled? Or if it's a visual thing, what makes a given look appealing?

Wow, patronising much! I'm well aware no choices are made in a vacuum. I guess I just see clothes as an extension of other personal choices regarding aesthetic. I don't think women who dye their hair a certain colour or choose a certain style are doing it for mens reactions, I just assume they like it like that and that's their choice. Obviously there are trends, for example I've never had a perm but my mother has.

I think women have historically and in many places in the world still, had to cover up because men deemed their bodies too provocative, tempting, insert misogynistic reason here. I consider myself fortunate to live in a time and place where I can wear what I want (without denying the influence of the culture we're surrounded by) I just think its pretty sexist to say women should wear certain clothes so that men don't get the wrong idea. Even though endless research suggests what women wear has no bearing on their likelihood of being sexually assaulted.

There is definitely a difference in how people view you based on what you wear

It does affect how people will interact with you

It does affect a males ability to talk to my face ... perhaps you haven't experimented with a wide enough variety of clothing if you haven't experienced this?

The judgement people are making are invariably sexist

The way men snd women tend to treat clothes also shows a strong sex divide which is a result of how women are valued

It's all a tangled mess

Slutty is pretty derogatory though

@Tsubasa1

I apologize for using that term, I honestly thought that the term "slut" had been reclaimed by women (much like the term queer has been reclaimed), probably from hearing about the "slut walks" and so on. Well I'm not buying the clothes to get sexual attention, just because I like the clothes and feel attractive in them. *@robotcollision* so if a man responds with unwanted behaviour, it's okay because wearing those clothes is asking for that?

It has... I don't see anything wrong with the term.it just means a woman who likes sex and nowt wrong with that.

Will all due respect I think you're being quite dismissive of my personal experience. I've made it very clear I'm talking about my own experience of sexual harassment and general interactions with men, you however are making sweeping statements about how men definitely treat you differently depending on what you wear. That has not been mine or other friends I've discussed this with experiences, it interesting to hear thats been yours.

As for needing to expand my clothing choices to see this phenomenon, again I think that's pretty patronising.

For reference my experiences with men sexually harassing me have included; office wear- think suitable for working in a bank or office.

• sports wear, eg tight fitting leggings and vest top.
• baggy tracksuit bottoms and baggy tracksuit top.
• en route to a wedding in a full length, high neckline, cap sleeved dress, no heels.
• dog walking wear, eg jeans, puffa jacket/barbour jacket
• club wear, tiny mini dress or hot pants and halter neck

-jeans and jumper.

In all of these outfits men took it upon themselves to try and interact with me, harass me, make lewd comments etc.

I think its very misogynistic to perpetuate the myth that what women wear can have any bearing on the way men will treat them. That leads to women blaming themselves after they have been the victim of sexual harassment or assault. Again endless research shows there is no link.

Wear what's appropriate to the context, what is comfortable to you and if you can't decide whether or not it's appropriate, then ask yourself 'would I wear this if I was going to see an older woman I respect (eg the mayor or a solicitor)'

I can see my skirt, so the colour and the pattern can give me joy. I can’t see my own short hair, (without a mirror) so the colour is for others to see?

Nope because the colour may give you confidence

It's not that only people wearing sexualised clothing will be harassed.

Or that the reason to avoid sexualised clothing is just to avoid being harrassed.

The point is that sexualized clothing exist for the purpose of sexualizing women, and function as one way that our culture teaches men and maybe more importantly, boys, that is is natural and ok to sexualize women, and that women themselves are perfectly ok with it or they wouldn't freely choose to wear those things.

This almost certainly has a knock on effect in terms of how men as a group treat women, too, and not just the ones wearing those types of clothing.

@SmokedDuck

It's not that only people wearing sexualised clothing will be harassed.

Or that the reason to avoid sexualised clothing is just to avoid being harrassed.

The point is that sexualized clothing exist for the purpose of sexualizing women, and function as one way that our culture teaches men and maybe more importantly, boys, that is is natural and ok to sexualize women, and that women themselves are perfectly ok with it or they wouldn't freely choose to wear those things.

This almost certainly has a knock on effect in terms of how men as a group treat women, too, and not just the ones wearing those types of clothing.

Absolutely this. All of this.

@robotcollision

Clothes are bits of fabric that cover a body. They do NOT "invite sexual attention" regardless of the styling.

However much we might want that to be true ideologically, it just isn't true. I am very aware how different clothes I wear affect how I am treated. If I wear loose trousers and a padded anorak I am invisible to men. They don't serve me immediately in bars or shops. If I wear a fitted tee shirt and jeans, I've noticed it's a weird sweet spot where I don't look like I'm coming on to men but they are extra nice to me - they offer to carry my bags or let me off the bus fare. If I wear a skin tight body con dress and heels, there's an almost aggressive lust like the incel mindset that it's unfair some people have access to sex if they don't. Some of them will approach and some will treat me with distain. FWIW I'm mid fifties and very average in every way. It's the clothes they are responding to, not me. Surely other women have noticed this?

I don't experience this, no. And I wear lots of different styles of clothing. I dress for my mood, mostly.

I accept that you may find some clothing has, in your case, resulted in sexual attention. But that's not the same thing as saying the clothing "invited it".

@SmokedDuck

Clothes are bits of fabric that cover a body. They do NOT "invite sexual attention" regardless of the styling.

So as a clothes designer, I could design clothes meant to be revealing, or nearly revealing, in a sexual way. As a woman who wears clothes, I could choose clothes that are purposefully meant to highlight my sexual characteristics and look sexy.

But somehow when doing so, no one notices?

I don't understand the disconnect with this thinking, whether there is some belief that clothing designers never push that envelope, or women wearing clothes never do, or even though they do, no one takes notice.

If any of those are the case I've gotta wonder what the fuss is about bikini clad girls in newspapers, or whether generations of female pop stars realize they were wasting their money.

I don't consider "noticing" to be the same thing as "sexual attention". I don't care what people notice.

I notice people in lovely clothes. I notice people I find sexually attractive. I notice people who I think are presented in such a way they look an awful state. I don't say anything. I don't stare.

I definitely don't care what others notice about me (otherwise I'd dress differently). It's only their thoughts and none of my business. I'll never know what someone else is thinking either, unless they act on it. I can't be bothered by what I don't know about.

I do care about other people's behaviour. Sexual attention is behaviour.

Miniskirts reveal the crotch far less than trousers do. Miniskirts are a fashion and a style particularly associated with the U.K., youth culture and the sixties.

People who see them as being about inviting sexual attention maybe just have a very thin reading of culture.

Miniskirts are mostly worn by school girls who are not even having sex.

Of course both men and women want to look attractive, in an aesthetic sense and that often includes a sexual sense.

Looking sexually attractive doesn’t mean you are inviting sexual attention from men. Most of the traits that make women look sexually attractive are about youth, fertility and health. Can’t women enjoy and accentuate looking young, healthy and fertile without it being seen as inviting sexual advances?

Looking intelligent by reading a newspaper or book doesn’t mean you are posing a challenge to men and are inviting an intellectual debate.

Wearing sports clothes and going for a run doesn’t mean you are inviting any random man to a race.

It's entirely possible to look healthy and young without wearing clothing that anyone would describe as "slutty". Whether we like the word or not, I don't think anyone would understand that's all it was meant to imply. A woman in a great suit might look very attractive or even sexy, but it would be unusual to hear that described as slutty.

And like it or not, human beings send signals to other people through things like clothing. I'm a serious professional, I'm friendly and approachable, I'm interested in potentially making a sexual connection and all things that sometimes people want to communicate non-verbally to people they interact with.

True empowerment would mean that women wouldn't even need to have this conversation.

True empowerment would mean that women could wear a shirt and tie to the office, same style/cut/colour every single day, and nobody would notice.

True empowerment would mean that women would be respected and listened to regardless of what they are wearing, or their age, or general perception of physical attractiveness.

True empowerment would mean that women wouldn't be stared at in the streets, that strangers wouldn't comment on their appearance, that they wouldn't be hit on, harassed or attacked for looking/being/existing a certain way.

True empowerment would mean that when women are raped, their clothing isn't used as evidence against them.

True empowerment would mean that women wouldn't be asked if they are trans or nonbinary because they never wear dresses and makeup.

True empowerment would mean that women's talent, capabilities and successes are noticed and commented on rather than their clothing choices, the way they sit, or how attractive their bodies are.

True empowerment would mean that women could simply exist in the world, instead of be used as ornamentation. ("Smile, luv! It may never happen!")

True empowerment has nothing to do with being looked at, or used, or taken for granted - it has everything to do with being treated with full respect, as a whole human being.

Well said UnGoogled

“Can’t women show off how fertile they are without that being seen as a cry for male attention??” Have I paraphrased that right @Theoldprospector

Of course your outfit is not a direct invite to sexual advances, we still believe in ya know, consent…

Teenage girls are the most likely to wear miniskirts
They may not be having sex
They are certainly a boiling mix of sex hormones