Is there anything wrong in looking "slutty"?

[Tsubasa1]

I'm just wondering if there's anything wrong with feeling sexy and wearing sexy clothes. I get the impression it's not okay from some of the threads on mumsnet. I've started buying new clothes recently, that could be considered slutty, obviously because it's hot but they make me feel good aswell.

This might be slightly off topic, but semi-related: I remember reading a long time ago an article about decision fatigue. How the brain really can only handle so many decisions in a day (not sure the number). I think it might've been a google executive, or some other high-end director job, but a guy was saying that because of his important job and all the decisions he had to make, as well as being aware of this decision-fatigue phenomena, that he consciously, literally would wear basically the same, simple thing most days (clean obviously).

Made me think of how women have to constantly pick different outfits, fret over what to wear everyday, sometimes having to pick another outfit for the evening. Then pick the makeup, jewelry, shoes, etc even aside from the clothes. And think of how famous women, even business women, are constantly in the media analyzed based off of what they are wearing. Hell, sometimes there are articles pointing out that some woman wore, gasp, the same outfit twice in a week.

And then women get further analyzed based off of how "slutty" said clothes are.

So a lot of women's time, decision processes are taken up with clothes and preening. That time could be spent elsewhere. Now, some women obviously enjoy dressing up, and that's cool, but just the sheer point of how time-consuming it can be. It keeps women trapped to their bodies and their minds trapped to their bodies in ways men aren't, for better or worse. Are pluses and minuses, I suppose. Was just interesting to me when I read a high end executive-type man say he purposely wears simple, same things for the sole purpose of freeing up his mind for more important matters. Just get up, throw on the same thing, and go.

women have to think about what they wear, how "slutty" it might look, especially depending on situation, if it's the same as the previous day. The colors. makeup, jewelry, shoes considerations sometimes. It is rather frickin exhausting in a way. You can't just get up and go. Some do. I do quite a lot cuz I'm not in a job that anyone's gonna care so much, I'm not in the public eye. I remember back in school a lot of the girls would get chided by other kids, girls and boys, for wearing the same shirt more than once within 2 weeks, like they were dirty for it! I remember picking out clothes for school with that in mind, in addition to the is it too "slutty" aspect.

Good post Wingless
It gets on my nerves when women are judged constantly.
Wear a right dress, short dress, high heels and you are a slut.
Wear comfortable clothing and you are mumsy or dowdy.
Look after yourself after a certain age and you are mutton dressed as lamb.
What are the equivalent terms for men and boys?
Oh wait....
Bottom line wear what you want so long as it isn't inappropriate.

(Straight) men like seeing women naked. Specifically, they like seeing breasts and vaginas.

The closer to naked a woman gets, i.e. the more flesh is on show, and the closer that flesh is to her nipples and vagina, the more men will notice it and enjoy it.
So if you choose to wear revealing clothes you ARE responsible for attracting male attention and for the fact that men will enjoy seeing your exposed flesh.
You are NOT responsible for their behaviour in response to seeing it, e.g. comments, harassment, assault. Any decent man should be capable of seeing women's exposed flesh without feeling the need to approach or catcall her.
There is nothing a woman can wear which will specifically prevent her being harrassed or assaulted, because some men are dicks. But that doesnt mean that the clothing we wear has no impact on male gaze.

I think it's also worth noting the differences between mens and womens fashion. Even in the last 5 years, womens fashion has varied a lot between long/short shorts, skinny/baggy jeans, long/cropped tops etc. But in my whloe life I dont ever recall a time when it was mainstream fashion for men to wear strappy, cropped or skintight tops or skintight hotpants which show their bulges. And on the rare occasions where men do wear those things, its recognised and sexualised clothing. So I think we should be asking who is driving the fashions? And if women and men are both free to wear what we want, why does it seem to be mostly women - rarely men - who choose to express that freedom by wearing revealing clothing?

I don't understand OP.

If clothes are 'just clothes' to you,

It seems contradictory that you label certain ones as 'slutty' and say they make you feel (sexually) attractive.

Slutty is a grim word.

One men (used to?) use (and some women too) to mean. Easy. Cheap. Not fussy. Etc.

(Sexually) Attractive and 'slutty' are not the same thing.

I'd say wear what you want obv.

I mean so what really.

Read the thread.

What a shitshow!

Clothes send signals to men? Women and girls who dress a certain way do it on purpose to illicit sexual desire/appreciative attention from any old man who they walk past?

The idea that women and girls choose clothes to send signals to men. And that if they dress a certain way what do they expect.

Is an old old excuse for men harassing/ behaving inappropriately etc.

My friend who has big breasts once did get offered not to pay her bus fare. If the driver could have a feel of her tits. She was 14 and in school uniform.

If it's the clothes and not the body underneath. Then why are clothes that are fine for pre pubescent girls seen as sexually provocative when puberty hits?

Why are school uniforms fetishised so much by men that schools keep changing the rules so the girls don't meet that idea? Many girls in secondary can't wear knee high white socks with a skirt now. Because it sends 'signals'. Which are driven by the way schoolgirls are viewed by plenty of men.

I got all sorts of shit off men no matter what I wore.

If I went out now in a mini skirt and heels etc I probably wouldn't. Why not? Oh yeah I'm nearly 50. So it's not the clothes then is it. When I'm 80. If I don a mini skirt and bra top and head up the high street. I'm not going to get sexually appreciative looks etc
Obviously.

When I see girls on the high street with the current fashion for bra top type things. Secondary type age.

I don't think oho they have dressed that way to get sexual attention from random men about the place. When they put those clothes on they thought. I want to look fuckable and if and when any old men stare, leer or comment it will be awesome.

I think. Oh there's some teenage girls out. Those clothes must be in fashion at the moment.

It's never about the clothes.

It's about excuses men make for behaviour ranging from creepy to pervy to scary to etc.

If clothes sent messages. Then a school uniform would surely say. Too young. Rather than. Super sexy.

I mean this thread is full of nonsense.

I mean the idea that women/ girls dressing according to the current fashions/ norms in their circle/ work

Are actually deliberately trying to illicit a sexual response in any man full stop.

It's a very male view. I've had a man say that directly. He assumed that heels were worn by women to make their legs look nice for men. For him. To be looked at. Appreciated.

I said erm I think for most women it's just about looking 'nice' and it's standard here.

No no he said. It's for men.

Well there you go.

The real question is why are the trends and fashions pushed the way they are for men and women.

Because to believe that any woman or girl who puts on a short skirt or a pair of heels is thinking overtly. I am doing this to look sexy for men because I like the attention and I know these send signals. Is. A bit strange really.

I don't think it's inherently morally wrong. However, it will affect the way people interact with you. If you're comfortable with that, rock on! But if you're not, it's something to keep in mind when choosing clothes.

PurpleOkapi

Agreed it will effect how people treat you just like if you dress like a tramp or don’t wash

NiceGerbil

That’s about parents my teen is definitely not leaving the house in what’s essentially a bra 😳

When you put for your own clothing you can wear why you like

@WinglessSonglessBird

This might be slightly off topic, but semi-related: I remember reading a long time ago an article about decision fatigue. How the brain really can only handle so many decisions in a day (not sure the number). I think it might've been a google executive, or some other high-end director job, but a guy was saying that because of his important job and all the decisions he had to make, as well as being aware of this decision-fatigue phenomena, that he consciously, literally would wear basically the same, simple thing most days (clean obviously).

Made me think of how women have to constantly pick different outfits, fret over what to wear everyday, sometimes having to pick another outfit for the evening. Then pick the makeup, jewelry, shoes, etc even aside from the clothes. And think of how famous women, even business women, are constantly in the media analyzed based off of what they are wearing. Hell, sometimes there are articles pointing out that some woman wore, gasp, the same outfit twice in a week.

And then women get further analyzed based off of how "slutty" said clothes are.

So a lot of women's time, decision processes are taken up with clothes and preening. That time could be spent elsewhere. Now, some women obviously enjoy dressing up, and that's cool, but just the sheer point of how time-consuming it can be. It keeps women trapped to their bodies and their minds trapped to their bodies in ways men aren't, for better or worse. Are pluses and minuses, I suppose. Was just interesting to me when I read a high end executive-type man say he purposely wears simple, same things for the sole purpose of freeing up his mind for more important matters. Just get up, throw on the same thing, and go.

women have to think about what they wear, how "slutty" it might look, especially depending on situation, if it's the same as the previous day. The colors. makeup, jewelry, shoes considerations sometimes. It is rather frickin exhausting in a way. You can't just get up and go. Some do. I do quite a lot cuz I'm not in a job that anyone's gonna care so much, I'm not in the public eye. I remember back in school a lot of the girls would get chided by other kids, girls and boys, for wearing the same shirt more than once within 2 weeks, like they were dirty for it! I remember picking out clothes for school with that in mind, in addition to the is it too "slutty" aspect.

I remember reading that this is why the army developed decision making processes to avoid mental fatigue from less important decisions.

I also think that a lot of the other stuff you mention is often stuff we inflict upon ourselves. Women are much more critical of this stuff than men IME.

but it is disingenuous to pretend “Oh they’re just clothes” when other people see (just as she does) that she has chosen to wear those clothes knowing how that the other people will read them in the same way as she does.

I usually bite my lip as people tend to get offended but it's a bit bizarre to me when people say they expose their boobs etc in low cut tops 'for themselves'. That type of clothing is specifically designed to show off your 'assets' to other people.

@Tsubasa1

I apologize for using that term, I honestly thought that the term "slut" had been reclaimed by women (much like the term queer has been reclaimed), probably from hearing about the "slut walks" and so on. Well I'm not buying the clothes to get sexual attention, just because I like the clothes and feel attractive in them. *@robotcollision* so if a man responds with unwanted behaviour, it's okay because wearing those clothes is asking for that?

From my peer group the only way “Queer” has been “reclaimed” is by straight people longing to sound more edgy. Slut seems to have been “reclaimed” largely by male people wanting to convince women that porn and prostitution are progressive and liberating.