It's a mansplaining one....

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Bit of a first world problem, but it's the endless drip drip thing. Today, I had farming explained to me by a man in great detail, despite knowing that my family have been in farming for hundreds of years. I managed not to do something to him, but Lord alive, I'm beginning to think I just need to avoid anything that could lead to conversation with any bloke other than DH. Actually, I didn't start the conversation, he interrupted a conversation we were having with a cafe owner, who we know well and have only just seen after the last shut down. Anyone have a good shut down response, that doesn't involve actual prison time? Only half joking...

In that instance with his other potentially neuro diverse behaviour I do understand not calling him out. I would & have done that too. A female friend with ASD can be this way too, but we all know it's her ASD at play.

I understand not wanting to embarrass the others, but I've got to the point, where if they are not stepping up & calling him out in a jokey or polite way on my behalf, then they are also part of the problem. So I care less about embarrassing them.

If the mansplainer has been particularly bad, I will call them out in a jokey emasculating way, a favourite is "are your lace panties chaffing or something, you seem to be itching to teach me stuff I clearly already know/ to tell me how to do my job. That's always been well received & raised a laugh afterwards with others in on the conversation.

Otherwise a simple "oh of course I know all of that & more, why wouldn't I when... insert whatever it is that makes you more of the expert & carry on with the conversation. I've usually been praised for calling them out afterwards & they were mostly embarrassed by his behaviour, not mine ( you'd get the occasional guy who didn't get it & he'd often get a lesson from the rest)

I do understand your reluctance, but calling it out is not only very liberating, it can be a teaching tool too & we all know there are still way too many who need a lesson on not bloody mansplaining or sitting by witnessing it & not speaking out.

If the mansplainer has been particularly bad, I will call them out in a jokey emasculating way, a favourite is "are your lace panties chaffing or something, you seem to be itching to teach me stuff I clearly already know/ to tell me how to do my job. That's always been well received & raised a laugh afterwards with others in on the conversation

Thanks @SingingInTheShithouse. I may laminate that.

Thanks for all your input, women of FemChat. It's all valuable.
in appreciation of your wisdom.

If you're determined to find fault "he's telling her* something" (although why exactly that is a fault , I'm not sure)*

Nothing wrong with telling someone something, but it's not the best way to start a discussion, if that's what you're trying to do. Asking them a question would work better.

I have a music degree and used to be an opera singer and would be loaded if I had a dollar for every middle aged man that regurgitated a potted version of the Amadeus movie plot, acting as though they knew everything about music history or opera or even any facts about Mozart’s life (he was actually much more interesting than the movie which was a total work of fiction.)

any mansplaining here gets the Hades treatment....you have to have seen Disney's Hercules.

My neighbours are having an extension at the moment. The builders parked their van half way over my drive yesterday morning much to my annoyance. I went round to ask them to move it, one moved the van and a second then proceeded to wave me out and direct me off my drive. I can drive perfectly well thank you very much the problem was that you had obstructed my driveway! My window was down, and I heard him say to his mate "you could get a bus through there now." I would have contemplated running him over but I was late for work.

I don't work with with many men because if people started some of the things discussed on here with me I probably wouldn't have a job

@LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow - I have a kaleidoscope watch face of Hades on my Apple Watch. Current sassy pants hero from a kids movie.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale great, "When did you learn that? " Classic. And the response to mansplainer when he repeats what you've just said. That's another thing they sometimes do! I'm going to need cue cards here.

I find it useful to say: 'can I just stop you there?' The mansplainer will stop, assuming I have a question. I don't say anything..

I am so going to use this!

Interesting about the different communication styles of men and women. I do think they have more of a competitive streak and it can come out in explaining things and in telling stories to try and out do each other. I kind of have sympathy because I like doing those things!

My DD dealt with this last year. A boy in her class tried to explain an instrument technique, despite being two grades behind her. It didn’t help that she considered him a loud-mouth nuisance at best of times!

An unsmiling “Yes. Of course I know. Let me show you!” seemed to stop him in his tracks.
I think half the time it’s because we’re too polite and let them get away with it.

Mine is more just an absolute refusal to tell me something rather than mansplaining but still completely infuriating!

Boiler at my work broke, I phone up Facilities Management and they send a boiler engineer out. He does the job and comes back to my office -
Him - 'where's the janitor?'
Me - 'He's just gone on his break'
Him - 'Oh, I need to speak to him about the boiler'.
Me - 'He won't be back for about an hour. Did you manage to fix the problem?'
Him - 'Nah hen, it's a bit complicated - I need to speak to the janitor'
Me - 'I know quite a bit about the boiler - I called in the issue - so it should be fine'
Him - 'Nah, I need to speak to him
Me - 'Well, he's not going to be back for an hour. And I'm his boss so he'll just be telling me anyway so...
Him - 'I'll just wait for him'.

An hour later, the janitor comes back, the boiler engineer tells him (in front of me) what the issue was and lo and behold, the janitor turns to me and repeats the exact same words just said. And I completely understood the problem.

It wasn't quite mansplaining but the assumption that I automatically wouldn't understand the issue without having any idea of my knowledge was bizarre as was the decision to waste an hour of his own time.

He billed you for that hour i suppose

Was Local Government and the FM department would do random checks to make sure that they were working during the hours they claimed they were on a job and they would have taken a very dim view of him sitting in his van for an hour. It was very much a case that he didn't trust me to understand his explanation.

I had pregnancy (specifically, at how many weeks' pregnant you can get a positive HPT) mansplained to me the other week. I was rather bemused!

XH used to mansplain my job - that I'd been doing for two decades - to me.

One of lots of reasons he's an ex.

Idiot in coffee shop needed to have "private conversation" and "interruption" explained to him. 🙄

@OneMoreForExtra

DH: the charges against those two soldiers have been dropped Me: yes I saw DH: and Labour won the by-election Me: I know DH: and Switzerland play Spain this evening Me: it's almost like we have the same News app

Another one who things you’re not really understanding what ‘mansplaining’ is.

Men talking isn’t mansplaining.

DD used to play a sport at national level. Never really played at school, but one day it was. Boy in class (who had never played the sport) genuinely thought he would beat her easily 'because he was a boy'.

Ok let's play says DD, teacher agrees & class watches on.... DD trounces boy without breaking a sweat, and he shuffles off making various excuses.

DDs fabulous female teacher, whispers to DD as she walks off court 'well done, that told him' but he still thought he was better than DD - go figure, as they say!

Me: says something
DH: (after a pause) says the exact same thing as if he just thought of it

He does it all the time. Drives me fecking crazy.

Mine's another farming one.
Bloke delivering lucerne is a sheep farmer in a small way. Looks at four young bulls in the next paddock and says "Jeez I'd have the nuts off them."
Admittedly they are black Wagyu and commonly mistaken for Angus. They are naturally slower to develop than Angus and a darn sight plainer than Angus but any one of them would be worth more than his entire flock of sheep...

Lately when I go out with my new boyfriend to shoot pool, random men will come up and tell me how to improve my technique, without me ever asking.
I'm not half bad at pool, though not a pro, and my boyfriend is at the same level. But not a single person has ever come up to him and told him how he could play differently.
I've even seen men practicing pool by themselves without ever being interrupted once, and I know for a fact I'd never be able to do that.

I had this at the weekend. Went to get my covid vaccination, the man giving the vaccine was making small talk asked me was I working/studying. I told him I was finishing a PhD on a specific topic. He then proceeded to mansplain my topic! Tedious, elementary musings on a subject he clearly knew nothing about but reckoned he was oh-so-insightful and could teach me a thing or two?! It's never happened in real life before, I was so taken aback I just hmm'd and nodded 🤦🏼‍♀️