It's a mansplaining one....

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Bit of a first world problem, but it's the endless drip drip thing. Today, I had farming explained to me by a man in great detail, despite knowing that my family have been in farming for hundreds of years. I managed not to do something to him, but Lord alive, I'm beginning to think I just need to avoid anything that could lead to conversation with any bloke other than DH. Actually, I didn't start the conversation, he interrupted a conversation we were having with a cafe owner, who we know well and have only just seen after the last shut down. Anyone have a good shut down response, that doesn't involve actual prison time? Only half joking...

@dudsville

I watch my partner with his friends, they take turns mansplaining to one another. That's the bulk of their dialogue. I think this is the expected response, to mansplain back. I do it sometimes. I don't like it, it's like a little power battle and that's not what I'm into, but I'll do it with some men.

I think there's much to that, but there's a lot of humour involved if done well - and a lot of insight in it - depends on the group of mates too.

Excellent piece of mansplaining in the wild where a letter in The Express mansplains to the Professor of Cardiac Pharmacology at Imperial College London why she’s wrong about Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (also known as broken-heart syndrome).

Prof Sian Harding: Professor Sian Harding, Professor of Cardiac Pharmacology at Imperial’s National heart & Lung Institute, said: “Takotsubo syndrome is a serious condition, but until now the way it occurs has remained a mystery. We don’t understand why some people respond in this way to a sudden emotional shock while many do not.

“This study confirms that prior stress, and the microRNAs associated with it, can predispose a person to developing takotsubo syndrome in situations of future stress. Stress comes in many forms and we need further research to understand these chronic stress processes.”

www.imperial.ac.uk/news/224513/broken-heart-syndrome-markers-could-help/

QI is a popular show specialising in it.

That's interesting about the research. There are obviously arseholes who need to share their wisdom with the world, but my oh and his friends are lovely, they just communicate by exchanging facts at one another.

I think this is a similar misunderstanding to when women want to be listened to but but assume we need help fixing the problem. When I come home from work and complain about something my oh assumes I need help problem solving it. I just need to remind him that isn't the case and I just need him to listen. We communicate differently.

@OneMoreForExtra

DH: the charges against those two soldiers have been dropped Me: yes I saw DH: and Labour won the by-election Me: I know DH: and Switzerland play Spain this evening Me: it's almost like we have the same News app

That doesn't sound like he's mansplaining though. Just trying to chat with his monosyllabic partner about current affairs. Perhaps not the best examples

@dudsville

I watch my partner with his friends, they take turns mansplaining to one another. That's the bulk of their dialogue. I think this is the expected response, to mansplain back. I do it sometimes. I don't like it, it's like a little power battle and that's not what I'm into, but I'll do it with some men.

An image of them came to mind, legs spread wide to best display the dick area.

I definitely also see men doing this to each other. It’s just how they interact. In a way he was perhaps trying to impress you and set out his credentials, trying to be seen as a farming peer. Or he could just be an arse. Hard to know which.

QI is a popular show specialising in it

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

Oh no Bunny. I thought the young uns might be coming through a bit better. That's part of being woke surely?

No, being woke specifically involves being a patronising twat. That's the whole idea, they assume that only they are awake to the world's problems and that anyone older (and wiser) than them needs "educating".

@OneMoreForExtra

DH: the charges against those two soldiers have been dropped Me: yes I saw DH: and Labour won the by-election Me: I know DH: and Switzerland play Spain this evening Me: it's almost like we have the same News app

That's not mansplaining. It's someone trying to have a conversation about current affairs with an uninterested and frankly quite rude partner.

Here's an alternative version

DH: the charges against those two soldiers have been dropped
Me: yes I saw that- not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand it was a long time and plenty of IRA got off, on the other hand soldiers should be held to higher standards- what do you think?
DH: and Labour won the by-election
Me: I know- but only by the skin of their teeth- still look doomed
DH: and Switzerland play Spain this evening
Me: I hope Switzerland win

it's almost like - I actually like my partner and enjoy discussing things with him as opposed to showing off my feminist credentials at every opportunity.

@OneMoreForExtra

DH: the charges against those two soldiers have been dropped Me: yes I saw DH: and Labour won the by-election Me: I know DH: and Switzerland play Spain this evening Me: it's almost like we have the same News app

Do you not discuss current affairs in your house then? Surely you sit and chat about your opinions on it and put the world to rights over dinner. Most people actually discuss these things dont they? The right response really isnt "I know".

I am with @OneMoreForExtra because my DH does something similar

DH: Did you see that story about x?
Me: Yes
DH: It's really interesting because blah blah talks at length about something I know just as much as he does about, because I've read the same article

Plus there's nothing stopping her DH from starting a more detailed discussion if he wants by asking a follow up question, what did you think? Etc. We don't have to fall over ourselves to reassure them that everything they say is interesting when it's not.

Why didn't you call him out on it & embarrass the silly sod. They never learn if they get away with it & leave feeling smug that their "superior" knowledge was appreciated, when it isn't

FFS put them straight every time. That's how they might learn to STFU

@Bovrilly

I am with *@OneMoreForExtra* because my DH does something similar

DH: Did you see that story about x?
Me: Yes
DH: It's really interesting because blah blah talks at length about something I know just as much as he does about, because I've read the same article

Plus there's nothing stopping her DH from starting a more detailed discussion if he wants by asking a follow up question, what did you think? Etc. We don't have to fall over ourselves to reassure them that everything they say is interesting when it's not.

And when your husband does this does he put a gag over your mouth so that you can't contribute- given you know as much as he does?

Obviously if he does that's terrible and I recommend you kick him out as soon as possible. If not this sounds like scrambling for a grievance.

As for your suggestion that the man married to OneMoreForExtra should try to stimulate conversation with follow up questions- why should he bother given her grim determination to kill conversation by her monosyllabic replies.

And when your husband does this does he put a gag over your mouth so that you can't contribute- given you know as much as he does?

I think you are slightly misunderstanding what's happening with this behaviour. He doesn't want me to contribute and he is not looking for a discussion. He just wants to go on about it and feel great about telling me something that he knows and I don't. Only I do know, because I have read the same article as he has, and told him so when he asked. If he said, what do you think, I would tell him what I thought. But he is basically asking, do you know about this? And when I say yes, he tells me all about it anyway. His pleasure in this scenario comes from being the one who knows. I also know, but that's rather inconvenient, so he ignores it and ploughs on regardless.

As for your suggestion that the man married to OneMoreForExtra should try to stimulate conversation with follow up questions- why should he bother given her grim determination to kill conversation by her monosyllabic replies.

Well he doesn't have to, but if he wants a discussion, he could ask a question that would stimulate one, rather than simply telling her that something has happened.

@Bovrilly

As for your suggestion that the man married to OneMoreForExtra should try to stimulate conversation with follow up questions- why should he bother given her grim determination to kill conversation by her monosyllabic replies.

Well he doesn't have to, but if he wants a discussion, he could ask a question that would stimulate one, rather than simply telling her that something has happened.

Or alternatively he is opening up a topic of conversation which OneMoreForExtra could engage with, rather than sounding like a sulky teenager? If I were him I wouldn't bother taking it further with someone making it so clear they're not interested.

I suppose it depends on your starting point. If you're determined to find fault "he's telling her something" (although why exactly that is a fault , I'm not sure) or it's just starting a conversation.

I don't assume btw that just because my husband and I have the same news apps we have both read exactly the same things on them. My husband for example wouldn't know the results of the football.

My husband tried to masplain to me about covid figures and modelling.... I have a maths degree

My DH can be a sod for mansplaining at times. Though way better than he was, too many beers & it's back.

I find sarcastically "womansplaining" "wimin" things to him in extreme detail works wonders. Especially if it's something like how to make a cup of coffee etc. He soon gets wound up & gets the message

It's not happened much to me, thankfully, but if it did (and I'm not usually bothered by being direct), I might say:

'If you want an excuse to talk to me, why do you expect me to be impressed by being lectured in a subject I probably know more or as much about than you?'

My DS is 5 and has been boysplaining several aspects of life to me for a good couple of years now. It's extremely cute (to me) at the moment but I will have to stop him at some point for the sake of his future relationships.

If I'm on the receiving end of mansplaining, I find it useful to say: 'can I just stop you there?' The mansplainer will stop, assuming I have a question. I don't say anything...

Two men mansplaining to each other is called a podcast. Brilliant!

Another thread had a link to a tic toc response - will see if I can find it.

Found it! [https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdu4Vs8V/]

@Hugsgalore

My husband tried to masplain to me about covid figures and modelling.... I have a maths degree

Oh goodness @Hugsgalore. I think this tops my farming one. Although I do sympathise, I have had psychology stuff explained to me before...guess what my degree's in...

Everyone on this thread has extensive experience of it, some of them being more philosphical than me, and my middle aged just pissed off with it rage

I think one of the reasons I didn't completely call him on it was it would have been embarassing to the other two people who were sort of involved in the conversation, and it became obvious that the bloke was a bit socially inept (maybe more than that, but not about to armchair diagnose). I had already gently stopped him asking alarmingly personal questions about someone's epilepsy symptoms, and loss of control. I suppose I thought I'd called him out enough, and if he thought those questions were ok, he was something of a lost cause. I think it brought up the semi-continuous issue of man-splaining and how to deal with it, rather than that one case in particular.