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Scared of death

32 replies

UnderneathTheStream · 18/06/2010 23:51

Is this just me?

Recently my every thought has been overwhelmed at the realisation that when I die I will cease to exist. Totally. And that that?s it.

Never really so totally realised it before.

And so now I?m scared to sleep. Scared to drive. Scared to go anywhere, and it?s overwhelming my life.

I know I have a tendency to obsess but this is huge.

Anyone got any ideas?

OP posts:
JoInScotland · 19/06/2010 01:21

No, it isn't just you. I sometimes think of this now that I have a DP and a child. When I was just single, it seemed that there wouldn't be too many ripples in the pond when I died... now there would be more of an impact. Yes, a little piece of myself would live on in DS, but... it's so hard to imagine a world without YOU in it, isn't it? Not that I'm a really important person, but I've been the star of my show pretty much until now. I think the star is DS now.....

I'm on a medication that makes me an insomniac by the way.

SuziKettles · 19/06/2010 01:31

I have this Underneath - it's a feeling of pure terror isn't it? Worse because you know there's nothing you can do - it's coming. I don't think about it anything like all the time but I go through periods (late night, probably stress-related) when I have to get up, make myself a hot drink and watch mindless tv/read until it dies down.

I've started trying to think it through - sort of as an unemotional, intellectual exercise, at other times when I'm not feeling the fear.

Something that I've been thinking about recently is how it doesn't faze me in the least that for the whole of history, apart from the last 37 years, I didn't exist. The world went on and I wasn't in it. Billions of years without me. And it will happen again, and really it's no different. I wasn't here. Then I was. Then I won't be.

Have you read the old Norse illustration of the concept? They liken it to a sparrow flying out of the night, through the window of a hall into the light and feasting, and back out of the opposite wall into the dark again. For such a short time the sparrow is in the light (life), the rest is unknown.

I have a tenuous religious faith but deep down I think I know that this is it. Even if there is an afterlife I believe it would be something that is so beyond that which our mortal minds can conceive that it's hardly worth trying.

Anyway, sorry - my witterings are not helpful, but you are NOT alone. I've talked to several friends about this and these feelings are really common.

Having said that, I've got a friend who has a serious anxiety disorder and is fixating on death at the moment. It's very debilitating for her as the fight-or-flight hormones that she's flooded with in response to the anxiety attacks can make it very hard for her to function while they last. She's found CBT extremely helpful in giving her tools to acknowledge these thoughts, take the power away from them and move on.

It might be worth going to the doctor if this has been going on for a while.

blinks · 19/06/2010 02:02

i've had an ongoing obsession/fear with death since my teens.

i did my dissertation on death and photography in an attempt to confront my fear.

i think it's normal to be anxious about it but at some point you have to give into it and relinquish control. chances are once you've worked your way through this, you might feel the fear rises when you have life worries... talk therapy might help to discuss any underlying problems.

here is a really good article about overcoming fear of death.

onlyjoking9329 · 19/06/2010 04:15

It's something I have thought about more so since my DH died two years ago I suppose before that I could live in the denial that it only happened to others, now days I worry that the kids have no one if I die so clearly dying is not an option for me.
I think it's healthy to a degree to question what would happen if you were to die, plan for that and then carry on living.

UnderneathTheStream · 19/06/2010 10:43

Hmm all interesting stuff!

OP posts:
strandedatsea · 19/06/2010 13:16

Hi underneath, I hope you got a decent night's sleep in the end. Sorry I disappeared, I was called away to a margarita and supper (we don't live in the UK at the moment, hence why I was up at that time!).

Thinking about what you were saying yesterday, I was wondering whether something has happened to you recently to have suddenly brought on these fears? Why has it suddenly hit you after 36 years of not worrying about it?

I agree with what someone else mentioned below, that it's usually worse when there are other things in your life that are stressing you.

Thanks for the link blinks, I will have a reads of that later...

GetDownYouWillFall · 19/06/2010 13:55

Hi there,

Please feel free to ignore this, but just wanted to add from my own experience.

I had this fear too, and the futility of life seemed so terrifyingly overwhelming to me.

When someone explained it all to me, it was like something "clicked" - it suddenly all made sense and life is worth living.

there is a verse in the Bible which says something like "God has set eternity in our hearts" - basically we are made by God and made to live with him for eternity, this is why death and "the end" seems so unnatural to us.

I have come to firmly believe, that the end of this life, is not THE END.

God sent Jesus to die on the cross so that when our life on earth ends our soul will be able to go to live with him for eternity. We have a choice in this life whether to live in relationship with God or to ignore him.

Life is not a "fluke" a rare inexplicable "accident" of nature. The whole world is just yelling at us that it has a creator - everything works together in nature in such a complex and organised way. You only have to look at the delicate balance of a coral reef or eco-system to see that.

Sorry I didn't mean this to turn into a sermon, I just couldn't leave your post unanswered as you seem so despairing and I wanted you to know that there IS hope, this life is NOT the end.

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