Anyone got experience of Crack cocaine? please help.

[dillpickle]

Hi, don't know if I've put this in the right category but didn't seem to fit anywhere else. I found out just before Easter (and by accident) that my husband had been doing crack for 6 months. To say I was shocked is an understatement; we have been together for nearly 20 years and I thought I knew him. He is the most down-to-earth sensible man around. I thought he was having an affair but was doing that instead. He now swears he is not using and has stopped all by himself but the more I learn about crack the more I worry! He is very depressed and a shadow of his former self. I can't tell anyone and don't trust him anymore. We have three children and they are my main priority. Can people give up crack just like that and without help? Can anyone help? Feel a bit lost to be honest.

As you can see, I spent bloody ages being completely swallowed up by his problems - I've since taken a massive step back after finding out he sold my great great grandmothers jewellery for pennies to buy drugs.

He is still trying to emotionally blackmail me at every opportunity but I have been saturated by his issues. No more, I simply don't have it in me any longer. I can do precisely nothing more.

I have actually rediscovered my own life by stepping back - the weight is falling off me, I am brighter, have more energy for DD and for work, I am managing financially, just - it is actually easier being on my own as at least I know what is coming in and going out.

I started dating someone about six weeks ago, and it feels like night and day. I literally cannot believe how I allowed everything in my life to slave to his habit.

My brother dropped round about a year ago with a box full of photos from my old flat and I sat and wept because I barely recognised the happy, enthusiastic girl in them as myself. I had literally been dragged down to such a low point by him.

Please do email me if I can give you any strength or encouragement to extricate yourself from this situation.

Dill - He is using. Sorry

I have experience with most drugs, but not heroin and crack cocaine. Because I am not stupid. Everyone who has done any drugs knows not to touch these two as they are actually physically addictive whereas you can use weed, ecstasy, ketamine, LSD, etc recreationally without ever being addicted.

What I am trying to say is get out. Think of your DC. Losing his family might shake him out of denial and motivate him to seek help.

Like someone else said I read your posts with sadness. What you are describing is classic addict behaviour. The addict in him will run roughshod over you as you are for the most part (no offence here) clueless re; drugs.

You want to believe him, that makes it harder for you and easier for him.

The only thing for certain is that if he has been using crack, he has a problem that is going to be hard to resolve.

You need full 100% honesty about it and full cooperation from him in rehabilitating which means his behaviour needs to be 100% transparent. Phone conversations, numbers, aquaintances, friends, whereabouts, money.

By having him in the house he gets the best of both worlds, by making him stay elsewhere he may see what he's losing.

He may very well just be pleased that he can get on with using without being hassled for a while. It is very early in the addiction for him. It may very well have quite a long time to go.

Depression goes hand in hand with addiction.

The other posters are right. Until he admits a problem and states a desire to fix it you can't do anything except hide your jewellry and anything worth hocking. Secure your bank account, tell the DCs Dad is sick but will get better eventually.

An addict usually needs to hit rock bottom before they will admit / commit to serious rehabilitation and even then relapses are v common. It may take years to 'resolve'.

I am so, so sorry for you to be facing this after 20 years and three kids together and I so hope this runs it's course sooner rather than later for you.

I'm sure you will find a multitude of support from MN who can direct you to other resources.

Good luck and best wishes.

You can't lump heroin and crack together, they are very different drugs.

Unlike heroin, crack cocaine is not physically addictive, it is psychologically addictive. Big difference.

op, your husband is still using, no matter what he says and how much you want to believe him. Disappearing for hours and hours on end is classic behaviour.

Crack is the devil in drug form. I fucking hate it. It has destroyed my family (younger brother). I was 13k in debt through having to pay off crack dealers because I didnt want to find my brother dead on some wasteland somewhere.
My dad had to sell his home to pay off debts- he also had a gun held to his head.
It has fucked us all up.

Get rid of him because he will lie, lie again and lie some more and put you all at risk.

I cannot even begin to put into words how this drug has destroyed us.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation
The difficulty is that it is so hard to reconcile the behaviour of an addict with that of who they were previously

Unfortunately I have experience of both crack and smack
my close friend at university started going out with someone who turned out to be a crack addict
same old story, within a few months so was she and then they used smack to deal with the comedown from the crack

she was sacked from stealing from her weekend job...after warning over warning was sent down from university for stealing and fighting...ended up funding their habit in the age old way and living with her new friends in a squat

a year down the line and she was unrecognisable.

She lied about everything, simply everything
..stole, cheated and was in the end thoroughly unpleasant.

Before this she was the sweetest, brightest person you would ever meet. It was as though that person died and was replaced by a drug monster.
she would have done anything for the drugs

please be very careful about what you believe and who you trust around vulnerable others.

your husband is using.

nothing else explains his behaviour

his addiction and use is his concern...you cannot change his views or behaviour, only he can
protect yourself and your family

Just wanted to say that crack cocaine is extremely physically addictive, as well as pshychologically addictive. Withdrawal from crack is horrible. Have you ever heard of 'crack bugs'?

It is not physically addictive NanKid.

Read this from people who know what they are talking about.

I take offence at that.

I have done extensive work with addicts in prison, so I feel I do know what I am talking about. Yes, crack is a different drug to heroin or other opiates, or for example, nicotine, with a different effect on the body and brain chemistry. And of course not everyone who tries crack becomes addicted. The same can be said of heroin.

However, 'casual crack cocaine users' are rare, in my experience. Dependency may be 'psychological' but withdrawal from crack cocaine is often extremely physical and can make the user very physically ill, as well as paranoid and delusional.

hello again. thank u everyone for your advice - you may have just saved me. I did believe him when he came home as you well know. Then read all your messages and even then thought you were all wrong about him still using (sorry ). Anyway, this morning some of the things you said were on my mind and he was still crashed out on the sofa from the night before so I decided to search his work van. Found another phone. Had all the numbers of his drug 'friends' and texts from them and sent by him from the weekend. I saw red and went mental. I have never been so angry before. I shouted at him that he is out, that he is never gonna see his kids again and that I'm gonna tell them daddy is a crackhead. Anyway, when I eventually calmed down he admitted in the last fortnight he has been using again and yes he had been on a crack-jolly all weekend while we were worrying about him. He spent £2000 and said it was gonna be his last binge! anyway, we chatted for four hours and I said we are over. He is devastated but I'm gonna stay hard. I think its the only way to help him. I rang our community drug team and then he rang them and has got a referral to go next monday. He wants me to go too. He is gonna stay at his mums and I said the only way he can see the kids is if he goes to the appointments, gets help, and then the access will be supervised by his mum. I am a very gentle soft person and doing this has been soooo hard. I so want us to have a future but I've said for the kids' sakes I want him to rebuild his life even if it means our marriage is over. I have now calmed down a lot and feel like i'm being a heartless bitch but I don't think there is any other way??

Well done, dill. You have absolutely done the right thing.

There is no other way.

You are sending a strong and definite message that this is NOT acceptable, and that he MUST face up to his problems and get help if he wants to have a life with you and his children in it. Actions speak louder than words on both sides - you aren't just saying it, you are DOING it. Now it's up to him to SHOW you that he is serious about getting help.

Can you get some support and advice for yourself? Addaction are quite good at offering support to the families of drug addicts. This is so hard on you and you will need lots of support to stay strong and get through this.

Dill - all I can say is at least you cut to the quick very fast. Good on you. Keep up the hard ball though, don't let it slip. Don't let him fool you again until you are 100% sure he's not using.

There's been great advice on here. I hope you keep us updated and I look forward to a success story.

I wish you all the luck and do hope your dh gets better.

And I think I want to give you a hug (()) if that's ok.

Well done Dillpickle!

Although you are probably feeling shit right now, you will look back on this and see that it was when things started to change for you.

Stay angry. It really helps to keep up the resolve needed to not get sucked back into the lies and stops you from wanting to help.

I too am sending you a big hug. You are being so brave and strong. Keep reminding yourself of that.

I'm feeling quite emotional about this, I would never want anyone to be in the position that you are in and I was worried from your other posts that he was going to pull the wool over your eyes again. I'm sorry that you are going through this but you will survive it and I'm feeling so relieved for you that he is admitting what he has done.

Well done too for getting in touch with the community drug team. Make sure that you go along too, it doesn't have to be with him.

Keep on posting, there are lots of us here who have experience of addicts.

Take care lovely x

thankyou Nan and Monty. everyone on here has been amazing and me makes me cry just reading all your support. It is Addaction that I have contacted actually Nan. I hope its a success story too Monty but I'm prepared, i think, that it might not be. It still feels like I'm gonna wake up and it'll all be a dream. Very surreal the whole thing. xxxx

Thanks BuckBuck. You have been such an absolute sweetheart. Is it possible to love people online that you don't even know? . I will let you know what happens. Thank u again. will speak soon. xxxx

Well done dill
Don't feel crap, it is him who has made you do this
You are not a heartless bitch, you are your DC's champion
Remember, only believe his actions, not his words at the moment
And at £200

No worries Dill

I wish I'd had MN back then. I did have one fab friend who would let me phone up and moan. And my mum and brother were amazing support too. Take whatever support you can get, it is such a hard time.

Your children are very lucky to have you. What have you told them about what is happening? (As DS1 was so young when it happened he wasn't aware of the drugs thing at all) This where I think you will need professional advice, I know it's yet more responsibility for you when you must feel like you are the only one being responsible.

But you can do it!

And now you've confessed love, you can have a proper big bear hug from me

well done Dill, really very impressed at your strength of character. You keep that Lioness within you, there's only one way out of this and you've got to do it for your kids.

xxxxx

(really hoping he does have £2000 to cover the weekend binge)

Dill - keep posting.

I agree with Darrell, you're a great woman and your dc's champion mum.

Keep strong.

Lots of hugs here, so have another.

You are all so kind. If ever I feel weak I will read these again. He came back to get some stuff and give the kids a hug (they still think its depression by the way) and I felt so sorry for him and it hurt but I know its the ONLY way to help him. Hugs back at you lovely ladies. xxxxxx

I don't understand how you can spend £2000 on a weekend of drugs for personal use, and I have a fair idea of drug prices.

No i don't either. I think he might've meant in the last fortnight that he's been using again. I'm not sure. I did ask if he was buying it for other people but he said he wasn't. Who knows. I don't care anymore. I have my own money secure so I'm safe. He has run out now so can't even buy fags at the moment.

Dill - don't give him a penny. But you know that anyway.

Good to see you strong.
Hope dcs are ok.

NanKid - didn't mean to offend you.

But I have much more experience of crack cocaine than just working with addicts.

Much more, unfortunately. Don't really want to say more.

Dill, you have done the right thing in being firm. I knew from your first post what was going on. Be strong and don't waver.

Take heart - some people have been where your husband is, had a massive wake-up call, realised what they have to lose and have never touched it again.

It can be a massive relief to be found out and issued with an ultimatum.

It can be done.

Hope everything works out for your family.

Thanx Noodlebar. It really means a lot to hear that people do recover. It will take an awful long time to trust him again (if ever). But as long as he stops for his kids thats my main priority. xx