Anyone got experience of Crack cocaine? please help.

[dillpickle]

Hi, don't know if I've put this in the right category but didn't seem to fit anywhere else. I found out just before Easter (and by accident) that my husband had been doing crack for 6 months. To say I was shocked is an understatement; we have been together for nearly 20 years and I thought I knew him. He is the most down-to-earth sensible man around. I thought he was having an affair but was doing that instead. He now swears he is not using and has stopped all by himself but the more I learn about crack the more I worry! He is very depressed and a shadow of his former self. I can't tell anyone and don't trust him anymore. We have three children and they are my main priority. Can people give up crack just like that and without help? Can anyone help? Feel a bit lost to be honest.

Dill - I don't even know him, but I don't believe him.

Sorry

Dill - he'll bring you all down with him.

You are not being pathetic, you are being faced with the toughest decision of your life. It's cut and dry to us on the outside but this must be so hard for you.

The reality of it is:

1. He has lied MASSIVELY to you already
2. he's asking you to trust him without being prepared to show that he's ready to be trusted
3. you have good reason to suspect him
4. He admits that he has a mental health problem but is unwilling to do anything about it
5. he buggers off and leaves you with the kids for the weekend with no explanation
6. He's (probably) exposing you and your kids to real, lasting problems
7. You CANNOT fix him

Even if you leave now, it doesn't have to be forever, this might not be the end, he just needs to give you something solid to work with.

Please make plans for how you will get out of this, even if you don't do it now. Don't be forced to have to flee in desperation, that will be awful for your kids

thinking of you
xx

hi again. I've just woken up to find that he must've gone last night after I went to bed. Doors unlocked, lights all on but no husband. I feel sick. He still says nothing is going on and now he seems cross with me as if its somehow my fault! I asked him last night why he's angry with me and he said he just doesn't want an argument. I now feel very angry. He promised my dd he'd take her to school this morning. She's 12 and knows that something is going on. The other day she asked if dad has got cancer! I don't want them to lose their dad even though he is being such a shit father and has for a while. I talked to them all (ds 14, ds 6) and they said they'd like it if dad went for a bit and then came back happy. but I feel like I am being the bad guy and not being understanding enough.

Dill, nobody uses crack cocaine for 8 months then gets found out and just decides to stop cold turkey, no problems, tralala. Nobody.

And if he did, he would be bending over backwards to prove to you that he was never going to do it again, not hiding out in his shed, disappearing for days on end, ringing his dealer at 3am, getting angry with you and organising overdrafts despite a big income.

Colditz is absolutely right, this guy is clearly using, and he's putting you and your family in huge danger because of it.

He's acting cross with you, and lying to you, because he's scared shitless. He's addicted to a Class A drug. He knows that you'll kick him out if you know that he's using, but he can't stop and he hates himself for it but he can't ask for help because that would mean admitting that he's an addict, and that he's been lying to you. So he's in a loop of addiction and deceit and despair, and he doesn't know how to get out of it.

While he's prepared to lie, and you're prepared to pretend to believe him, there is NOBODY helping him. You are not helping him, you're propping up this increasingly thin charade. He can't help himself. There is NOBODY for him, and he badly, badly needs help.

The only way you can help is to insist he leaves, undergoes rehab, and comes to counselling with you. Tell him you love him, but you can't live with an addict, and he's an addict, make no mistake. He has to leave either way. What he does from there is his choice; rehab and counselling, or he stays away. But you need to force him to face up to the fact that he needs help and he will lose his entire life if he doesn't admit that now. Sweeping this under the carpet isn't helping anyone. It's risking everything.

what colditz said

get him out. get legal advice if necessary

he has not just stopped, col,d turkey, with no help, one of the most addictive drugs in the world!

he is using, and lying to you

you and your DCs deserve far better

if he is depressed or struggling after the bereavement, he deserves help for that, but not while he is using. and he can't really get to the root of things whilst using

confide in friends/family

Your DH might be a lovely bloke, but his dealers won't be. And when he runs out of money they will have no hesitation about coming to your home.

Be careful.

I have experience in this area and must disagree with many of the posters on here. It is possible to stop immediately by yourself, but it doesn't sound to me like your DH has.

A friend of mine - professional background, highly respectable - entered into a new relationship with an 'exciting, edgy' boyfriend and started doing it for about 6/8 months on a daily basis. Her behaviour changed beyond recognition and all her friends and family knew something was up. When we discovered the reason and confronted her, she managed to stop, immediately and without outside help. But it meant cutting off boyfriend, avoiding all old haunts, handing old phone over to family etc.

cc has a really strong, sweet, sickly smell when being smoked (which is what gave friend away) - did you notice that in the garage?

Hi Dillpickle you can buy drug testing kits on the internet he should be delighted to do one for you if he is not using.

Dillpickle, how's it going today?

Please listen to the advice on here. When I was with DP I had to leave the house we had bought together with only clothes for me and DS1 as it had got to the point where it was no longer safe for us to be there with him, emotionally or physically. Addicts do not respond well to having their secret found out and challenged.

Do not let it get to this point for you and your children. I literally gave up everything I had and then had to witness my home being using as a meeting place for drug users and when I finally got back into the house they had stripped it bare, sold off everything and just left all of their drug paraphenalia behind.

I'm not saying this to scare you but to let you know how quickly things can spiral out of control if you don't act. Up 'til that point we were a 'normal' little family, living in a small community, living 'normal' lives. It is frightening how quickly that can change and you need to be the one in charge of the changes.

Have you found out about the drug services in your area?

Thinking about you, take care x

Well, he didn't answer his phone all day so I didn't know where he was until about 5ish when I got a text saying he was at work! So I texted asking if he is coming home and he hasn't replied - phone off again. I haven't had a chance to look into drug services in the area. I'm so worn out. If he would just tell me what he's doing I would have a starting point. BuckBuck: sounds like you had such an awful time. Can I ask, does the pattern of my dh's behaviour sound similar to your exdh's when he was using? I'm so scared that I'll kick him out and that he isn't lying and that I'd be turning my back on a very ill man that I have been with for 20 years! sorry rambling again but I'm very tired.

Hi Dill, I'm sorry to say it does sound all too familiar to me He would disappear for no reason, twist things round so if I confronted him about where he had been I was the unreasonable one, lots of time sleeping, the disappearing teaspoons and tinfoil.

He would only admit that he was using when I found his stash (behind the bath panel). He would disappear into the bathroom so I listened at the door one day and could hear that he was moving something around in there and went in after he left and found his gear.

What is your gut feeling about your DH? , be totally honest with yourself.

His behaviour lately is not acceptable (regardless of if he is using) it is not ok to disappear, not be in contact, let down his daughter. These are valid reasons for you to be pissed off with him and wanting to know what is going on.

I understand why you feel scared about kicking him out. This is why you need to build up a support network, family and friends, the drug services, MN, this will help you keep things in perspective.

The situation I was in was shitty, but I got through it, like I said looking back it seems so unreal that it's like it happened to someone else. It made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.

I don't have CAT but if you say what area you are in I'll look up the drug services for you.

My heart really goes out to you that you seem to be going through the same, don't apologise for rambling, you have a lot to cope with, it is exhausting to be the sensible one in situations like this, I'm here most days if you want to talk more, take care x

Thank you BuckBuck. He hasn't come home and phone still switched off etc. I'm going to bed becoz I'm soooo tired. Maybe he's got another woman or something. dunno. feel quite low tonight. I know life is never gonna be the same with or without him and its very sad. We will get through it. You are proof of that. nn xx

Oh Dill I had the same thoughts about there being OW too. In fact I was really annoyed because I thought I can compete with another woman (cos I'm gorgeous! ) but how the hell do I compete with drugs?!?!?

Hope you get some rest tonight, the whole thing is so massive it's understandable that it is exhausting, plus having to carry on with real life too.

Would it help to start making some small steps? Breaking it down into the individual things that you need to do to ensure you and your children remain safe/secure in your home?

Take care lovely x

So sorry your family is going through this.

Crack cocaine is an incredibly addictive drug. I have worked with people with substance misues problems and I would say it is, without a shadow of a doubt, the most addictive and destructive drug I have encountered, more so than heroin.

Your husband needs professional help .

I would advise you to phone your local council and ask to speak to someone in the drug and alcohol team urgently. They will be able to advise you about what your next steps should be.

Good luck.

Still no word. My poor dcs are worried. My dd just asked if i think dad has committed suicide! I've told them that he is feeling low and not able to cope. I had to tell them something. I've left numerous messages on his phone and no reply. His best friend doesn't know where he is and has been trying to ring him too. I really don't know what to do. Wondered whether to ring the number of the person who he got the drug from (the one who apparently is dead now) but i don't know if that's a good idea either. I can't stress how out of character this is.

Dill - . You must be worried sick. Don't phone that number, you don't know who you're dealing with, keep well away from involving this type of people in your family's life.

Try and keep your strength up. Thinking of you.

Dill, don't ring that number, you never know who you will be dealing with.

Have you tried ringing the hospitals? It is possible he could've O'd, (really not trying to worry you more)

Your poor DD. I was luckly in the sense that DS1 was only 2 so didn't know what was going on. I think the approach you have taken is the best one, keep it to he is depressed atm.

Here are a few links to websites that could give you more advice

family drug support

adfam

nhs site

It must be horrible not knowing where he is Try contacting someone above and it may help you to feel that you are taking some control over the situation.

Take care x

ok he finally contacted me by text. I had texted this afternoon saying that if he doesn't reply I'm going to the police to report him missing and guess what, he replied saying he is fine and that he is coming back tomorrow morning. He then texted my dd to tell her that he loves her. I am sooooooo angry. I have felt sick for two days with worry and to just casually send a text and then still not to tell me where he is or anything has just sent me over the edge. what a bastard. I'm tempted to take the kids off somewhere tomorrow so that if he does return we have gone. (and i still am not convinced the coward will come back in the morning anyway.) I wouldn't treat anyone this way. I know I don't understand how it feels to be addicted to something blah blah blah but I'm so hurt for the children. Before we knew he was ok somebody else texted me and my dd's face looked ashen and crumpled when I told her it wasn't dad. She has a lovely relationship with him normally whereas our ds's don't always get on with him. My eldest has aspergers and dh has never really tried to understand him (even though he is such a fantastic kid). Anyway, i'm going off the point. Thanks for listening to my rantings everyone.

Dill - this is probably only the start of it. Your poor children. What a bastard he is being, he's probably out enjoying himself watching football or whatever and you're there coping with three dc's.

Yes i did think he is probably watching the football somewhere because he loves it. I nearly texted him saying enjoy the football! bastard.

He is an addict
His story sounds like he is still using
You have to separate your life from his
Protect your children
And as quickly as possible
You will have social services involved very soon otherwise
You can do nothing for him, you must look after them
He will be burning all your money away in a spoon
And , yes, it is so difficult to believe it, your whole being wants it to not be true

And my sympathies, you are going to have a rough time
Lots of support on MN

Dill - I'd be packing his bags. I really would. Does he have somewhere to go? If so, I'd send his bags there in a cab and text him to let him know. I've done similar for a lot less.

Dill - how are you? Did he come home?