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Original poster

I want out. I have had enough.

116 replies

FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 13:10

The house is a mess and the floors are dirty in the hall and kitchen. DS1's room is a dump and smells. He is 9.

There is washing everywhere, it is clean but not folded and if Dh or I don't put it away it will stay there forever.

I can't be bothered to do anything at all. DS2 is watching telly when I should be giving him one to one attention as everyone else is out.

Dh is back at work tomorrow and has had a crap time off.

I can't be bothered to breathe anymore. Why can't I just be taken?

OP posts:
PaintPod · 07/04/2010 13:59

why are you not out with the family? Staying indoors is not helping. If you had gone out you may have enjoyed yourself a teensy bit?

Echo what lulu says. I have been on this board as long as you fab (although reg namechanger for many reasons) but in all that time you have felt the same.

You need drastic action. Unfortunately your dh appears worn down by this. Maybe some family therapy is required too.

Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 13:59

so, you are not really saying ho w you are going to progress things and push forward

you always think you handle the kids wrong.

you are worried when they are not perfect, quiet and not arguing or doing normal sibling stuff

you need to take some steps today to start changing things, because no-one on MN can prescribe you the right meds, or get you the help you need

why not make another docs appt for later today, say it is an emergecny and see a different doctor

or phone your HV..

you need to do something now

Original poster
FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 14:00

i was really looking forward to a day at the beach but as i said i handled this morning badly so it ended up with us not going. i don't know when dh and the kids will be back or even where they are at the moment.

some days i am okay.

OP posts:
Original poster
FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 14:02

i am not worried when they are not quiet and not arguing, i am just warn down by the fact it is 99% of the time but that tells me it is me and my problem as i can't handle normal kids behaviour as i don't know what is normal

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:03

so what are you going to do now, to start making things better?

am like a dog with a bone, i am not going until you answer

cocolepew · 07/04/2010 14:04

If you think yu aren't doing enough with your family you need to get of MN. I can waste hours on here without realising it. Give yourself a set time to come on.

cocolepew · 07/04/2010 14:04

What age are your dcs?

Original poster
FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 14:14

I try and use MN less as I know it is taking me away from the kids but some days I just need it .

I just told DH I am not talking to him because i can't but I really want too.

OP posts:
Original poster
FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 14:15

they are 9, 6 and nearly 5

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:20

could you be any more self destructive??

and again, what are you going to do to make this better?

Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:21

why would you tell Dh you are not talking to him?

Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:28

sorry, i think i am being a bit too harsh... but i am worried and concerned for you and really wnt to hear that you are taking things in hand today

cocolepew · 07/04/2010 14:29

I don't think you're harsh lulu, I don't always read your posts Fab, but they all seem to be the same. You appear to have no self esteem or confidence in yourself.

Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:31

thanks coco

it is hard to 'see' someone who for the last months and year or two has been on a mission to self destruct, when in fact they are a decent kind person who has unfeasibly high expectations that will never be met..

blinks · 07/04/2010 14:32

you're in scotland aren't you? NHS 24 have got a listening service called BREATHING SPACE and it's great for getting things out your system. they also have mental health nurses to talk to if you feel like self-harming / suicidal.

0800 83 85 87

lulamaam's bang on though- it's got to come from you.

my over-riding feeling about the way you write is that your depression is out of control.

you need to go back to the doctors surgery with someone there for support and tell them exactly how bad it actually is.

you can't go on this way.

cocolepew · 07/04/2010 14:35

Could you take DH or someone else o the Drs with you? They could put your case forward without being talked over or pushed aside.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/04/2010 14:36

We're a bit oxymoronic, aren't we? We care about you, so we keep posting and keep at it, but we want you to get off MN and go talk to your husband and read to your kids.

Fab, I agree with Lulu, but I'm also going to add: would it help to be given 'tasks' by us? I know that when Trinity's been overwhelmed it's helped if we type 'step 1 go have shower step 2 bung load of washing in machine' eg. Would it help if we were here saying

  1. Turn off computer and go find a DC, any DC, and read to him (pin down if necessary)?
  2. Boil kettle, offer DH a cup of tea

etc?

Cos I'm very bossy, and happy to do so

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2010 14:38

fab, please listen to Lulumama
and stop judging yourself on things that don't really matter such as your MN use or tidiness.

StealthPolarBear · 07/04/2010 14:39

tortoise, how would she find out number 2 if 1 is "turn off the computer"?

GooseyLoosey · 07/04/2010 14:40

Fab - with the kids, I did not take to parenting at all and felt like I was a terrible mother. Best advice I got was to pretend I was a good mother. It did feel fake for a long time but gradually it became less so.

In terms of coping with depression, you do seem to be having problems talking to your dh. I suffer from this and anxiety and took me a long time to realise that it was really wearing dh down and making him almost as unhappy as it was making me. There is no magic solution to this but I made him aware of all the things I was trying to do to deal with. I also started to talk about it in a more light hearted way between us. We both now refer to me being barking mad - I know that this may sound cruel but it was not meant like that, it was about trying to make something which was always dark and hard to get hold of and on top of seem more like something manageable.

Would also add that if you grew up without a mother, I suspect that you may be judging your own parenting against impossible and non-existent motherly perfection.

duende · 07/04/2010 14:40

Fab, I've been reading your posts and I think you are being far, far too harsh on yourself. I think you're a great mum and a lovely person. But I agree with other posters, you need to get help.

Lulumaam, I hope that if I ever feel really low and post on here, you read my post and reply. I want to give you a hug!
And one to you, Fab.

Original poster
FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 14:43

DH read this thread up to where I said hold the kids are and then immediately held my hand. He said to go swimming, now, take some time for me. It is shut though.

He said I have to pretend to be a mum even if I am finding it hard. He wants me to find some time for me and something that I can do that isn't all about the kids and the house.

Giving me tasks would really help me I know. Thank you.

Before I had kids I did have problems but on the whole I was funny, happy, good company, now I am just miserable, a pain and no one wants to be with me except for my 4 year old.

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:43

thanks duende.. i worry am being too harsh, but having been there myself, i know now in retrospect, the 'there there it will be ok' is pointless. i also know you have to somehow muster up the energy to drive forward for change

it does not come to you

you have to fight for your mental health and wellbeing

shout loud

and get your DH to shout too

it will make life better for him too when you are well, so it is in his best interests to help you

re your emotional affair, it signifies to me you are lacking something and looking anywhere but in yourself for it

you have to look at yourself and your behaviours and what is driving you in this self perpetuating destructive cycle

so what are you going to do to day to start making this better'

Lulumaam · 07/04/2010 14:45

you don't need to go swimming today

you need to speak to a doctor or to a HV or to someone

this won't go away with some swimming or me time

you are unwell

you started off by basically sayign you've had enough of life

why are you both ignoring the elephant in the room?

Original poster
FabIsRubbish · 07/04/2010 14:46

I know exactly why I have a destructive gene.

Just taking 5 minutes while I think what to do. The kids are occupying themselves atm.

OP posts: