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Mental health

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Original poster

I think I am about to loose my mind

120 replies

LittleMarshmallow · 18/02/2010 12:20

I just can't keep going, there is no one to help I have been brave and asked for help till I can't face the humiliation anymore. It feels like no one cares, I need to finish stuff for work, but I can't think straight, I keep reliving everything in my head, I need to get ds in 20 mins and change his nursery over and I just can't the thought of having to pretend more that I am ok when I am falling apart scares me.

The things in my head right now scare me, I wouldn't help ds or anything but I am exhausted from pretence and lack of sleep, I need to run away from it all it just feels like no one cares.

I have no friends where I stay, no one which upsets me and I should be able to cope and the fact I can't hurts so bad.

OP posts:

HesterPrynne · 25/02/2010 22:17

Marshmallow, you have to cope with them tomorrow, or it'll take even longer for it to get better.

Keep looking forward, as omaoma says. The pain and guilt will ease, I promise, but for now you have to keep thinking of the future, make plans for you and DS.

omaoma · 25/02/2010 22:20

Try and focus on the fact that getting through tomorrow is the start of helping the pain and guilt to fade. It's because you are starting to confront these feelings that tomorrow seems so difficult. I wonder if you perhaps feel guilty about letting go of the guilt? Does that make sense? I know that sometimes feeling guilty in some way helps us keep something alive... forgive me if that is crass, i know things are more complicated than that and i'm not suggesting htere's a simple, single step to you getting through this.

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 25/02/2010 22:25

Onaoma, your fine, I dont know about the guilt i think it is a mixture of a lot of things for the past 6 years.

I am going to aim to get through tonight in one piece will deal with tomorrows panic at 12.01 lol

deep down i know i need to do this tomorrow but i feel like a rabbit caught in headlights plus they are coming to my house so i cant run away / leave even if i wanted to.

OP posts:

omaoma · 25/02/2010 22:30

that's a really good way to look at it. all you need to do is stay put! they will come to you and in less than 15 hours you will have come through it, in one piece, i promise you. when i really can't imagine how i'm going to get through something, i imagine that there's a me in the future that has successfully ALREADY done it, and all i have to do is make it from here to there, if you know what i mean, the rest will take care of itself.

omaoma · 25/02/2010 22:55

about to log off, wishing you as restful a night as possible Marshmallow, big hug to you and your DS.

HesterPrynne · 26/02/2010 10:06

Morning Marshmallow. I hope you're ok. I think you said your appt was at 12. Not long now. I'll be around until 2ish so shout if you need an ear

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 10:08

Hi Hester, the appointment i think is around 1ish big glup i am in the middle of dying my hair so to distract me from cancelling,
last night was really bad, and i suppose what made it worse was i have no one to come see me / hold me when that happens apart from ds and i wont let him see me upset.

i left him at nursery singing his daddy song he seems to be sad today but hopefully nursery will take his mind off it a little while.

OP posts:

HesterPrynne · 26/02/2010 10:16

Well done for not cancelling. You will be fine.

omaoma · 26/02/2010 11:26

hi Marshmallow, you are doing really well. not long to go now x

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 11:30

Thanks, I feel so nervous it is awful, maybe it is because i have been thinking about it all night. although i did manage to dye my hair so thats something i need to go move ds nursery shortly.

OP posts:

omaoma · 26/02/2010 11:56

yes, having something lurking in your head all night is a good anxiety recipe, in my experience... but you're still here, you've dyed your hair, you're compos mentis, so doing really well

omaoma · 26/02/2010 12:52

nearly there marshmallow! hope you have managed to get through the last hour ok x

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 12:58

I am still here, managed to change ds's nurseries over would be so much easier if he went to one.
am really panicking now, keep staring at the phone willing it to ring saying they are going to cancel i really dont think i can do this, its like waiting for an operation only worse because i have to be awake for this

OP posts:

omaoma · 26/02/2010 13:04

try not to clock watch, they're turning up 'around one' so you will increase your anxiety by turning it into a countdown. it's going to be ok. try and say that to yourself. can you start the washing up or something, something that will help you focus on something boring and keep you busy?

omaoma · 26/02/2010 13:05

well done on changing DS' nursery too. you're doing brilliantly. we could always chat about something completely unrelated here while you're waiting if you fancy?

omaoma · 26/02/2010 13:10

Marshmallow, I have to go out now but will log on later to check how you did. hope they are with you as I type. WELL DONE.

HesterPrynne · 26/02/2010 13:41

Hi Marshmallow, just to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope it went well.

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 15:44

I am bk, managed not to break down and cry so that is something.

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Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 19:56

I am having a crap night, felt awful since the meeting, i just want to curl up in a ball right now, i dont want to die or anything like that, but i am so down i just cant manage to get myself up

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Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 22:22

Anyone up or about?

OP posts:

omaoma · 26/02/2010 23:17

hey i'm back - i'm not surprised you are feeling drained and sad, you've had to go through all the bad stuff again in a pretty stressful situation. curling up in a ball is exactly what you need to do. x

omaoma · 26/02/2010 23:21

sending you a reassuring hand-hold, Marshmallow.

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 23:32

thank you, i am having a rubbish evening its bad enough to sh but 3x in one night i am so screwed

OP posts:

omaoma · 26/02/2010 23:40

you have had a difficult day. give yourself some credit for having stuck with it and gone through this meeting that you were terrified of. now you are feeling exhausted and needing a release from all that tension and sorrow. the sh doesn't counteract the breakthrough of the day. it's a symptom of your stress. try to focus on the positives of today, you did really really well, have you allowed yourself to feel that?

Original poster

LittleMarshmallow · 26/02/2010 23:45

no, not yet i keep trying to find fault with everything i said

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