getting help

[arcadia96]

i have a young baby and am struggling particularly with anxiety and insomnia now leading into depression. I have tried to seek help but have trouble really saying how bad I'm feeling as don't want to alarm or upset people (friends/family), or be sectioned (GP/health Visitor). I really feel like each day is getting harder. Anyone been in a similar situation - how to really make it known that you need more help?

Arcadia I am sure you will enjoy being a mummy. The baby stage is by far the hardest and everyone acts like it is bliss when it is not, it is bloody hard work. I'm rubbish at babies myself yet I've had three now! Some people are good at babies! I'm much better with them once they can communicate. I find this stage really hard and when DS3 was born I was wishing the time awway until 6 months (he's 17 weeks now). I think that was part of my problem and hence the anxieties I had.

Another thing I have started is taking omega pills and vit B pills and I don't know whether it is a coincidence or not but they have really helped lift my daytime mood and the anxiety has reduced quite a lot. Is that worth a try for you?

The sleep thing is so difficult because it is really delicate balance between good sleep and crap sleep and I still worry about getting enough sleep and it is a vicious circle once you get into that frame of mind. I keep trying to convince myself I can cope on little sleep as I have proved I can. It has helped me get more sleep, strangely enough. But with these little babies still waking it is hard. DS3 still wakes 1 or 2 times a night most nights. My DH has been going to him but he's getting very tired now.

I hope things improve again for you soon.

Hi BeckyBendyLegs I am trying vit B pills, multi vit and vit c and am also trying the amino acids (tryptophan and tyrosene) suggested by someone else on this board but am being a bit erratic about taking them at the moment as keep forgetting! Bit early to say if they are helping. I could try omega too but getting a bit complicated! Diet is important - I've tried cutting down on sugar too especially in the evenings. I think I'm sleeping better but so hard to say as there are so many variables, and also it is so subjective.
I am still avoiding the ADs but don't know if I'll succumb at some point. Like you, I don't think I'm depressed as such, but I suppose depression is quite a broad term. I have found that conventional medicine has little to offer people in our situation!
Hate being obsessed with myself. Am trying to get out as much as poss especially now with the nicer weather.
Hopefully things will continue to improve but sadly my DP is finding it hard to adjust to parenthood also; I think partly down to me finding it hard but he says not and blames himself. We are making each other feel guilty which doesn't help!
Keep in touch anyway and hope you continue to improve. You sound like a positive person and it makes me feel better to know that there is someone in a similar situation to me even though I'm sorry for you to have gone through this I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Hi arcadia and all else, things are slowly improving here, although I'm not getting that much sleep. I am still having acupuncture - it costs a fortune though - which helps me to relax. I have also started doing a course which is proving to be helpful.
In my case I know that my insomnia is mainly caused by stress, so I'm with yu there arcadia, also not finding motherhood a walk in the park! And i stressed even further that the insmonia was going to be the start of a depression, but so far I have not slipped down there, touch wood. My GP is great and I have some sleeping pills which I try to take as little as possible. Like Beckbendy said, you actually need far less sleep than you think, and I'm starting to realise that part of the reason I'm feeling so crap the next day is due to my crappy and distorted thoughts about sleep and insomnia. Which is different to the power of bloody positive thinking, which I cannot stand!
I also cannot stress enough how helpful I've found meditating. I use a cd and it is incrediby helpful, in fact, it's a small miracle that I'm still off my AD's at the moment. Keep in touch.x

I know so many people swear by the benefits of ADs and I think they are a great thing but my limited experience (three days of taking fluoxitine / prozac) was horrendous. I feel very proud of myself that I have managed so far using alternative ways to cope and sounds like you both have done really well too. It isn't cheap if you go for hypnotherapy, acupuncture, etc. I spent £60 on a homeopath and luckily my hypnotherapy only cost me an extra nice mother's day present and a few cups of coffee in costa coffee! And as Arcadia says all this vitimin / alternative pill popping gets a bit confusing!

I feel knackered today though as DS2 and DS3 have chicken pox. They are both miserable and I am heartbroken seeing them so spotty. The sun is shining and I am housebound! DS1 is at school (DH took him today).

Glad you're making progress mdavza.
Sorry you couldn't get out today BeckyBendyLegs. I managed my first day with DP back at work and actually enjoyed it! Got out to baby massage and have been out for lunch with some other mums. She's been crying a lot this afternoon/evening though. Didn't sleep too badly last night and even managed a little snooze this evening when DP got home from work and took the baby, which is a major step forward as I have been too anxious to be able to doze off in the day for ages! Keep in touch. x

Ahem, a step back here. I thought I was making progress but last night I couldn't sleep, became majorly anxious and had to take a large dose of sleeping pills. Which makes me feel a bit useless. I am thinking that I might be more depressed than I'd like to admit and ponder going back on ADs LO is sleeping so badly and with only me an dDh available to do nights, and he has to work so I can't take sleeping pills every night. Feel quite down, though I was doing so well but honestly, it has been occupying all my thoughts and energy the past few weeks and I need a break. All these things that I learn and try are useful, but nothing has ever helped me as much as AD, unfortunately. I think I have some issues with anxiety and, as yu know, having a baby is very stressful. Glad you survived arcadia!

mdavza how are you feeling today? We're having crap sleep here too as DS3 is covered in chicken pox: he has thousands, literally. I feel sick with anxiety. Babies are so stressful as you say.

How is everyone? poor DS3, beckybendylegs, he's very little to have chicken pox. I woke up a bit in the night and am knackered today but feeling more positive in my mood. The weather is definitely helping and being able to get out into the fresh air. I'm also trying these amino acids and vitamin B. I received my tryptophan through the post today - I'll let you know if it helps with the sleeping. It's also good for mood/depression apparently, with no side effects!

The funniest thing -since I've decided to start taking AD's my sleeping and mood has improved - without me having taken them?! Talk about placebo effect. I'm seeing my doc on Monday and we'll discuss it then, I think I must keep a packet of AD's in the house to fool tell myself I'm allowed to take them if need be. LO stil not sleeping through, but he's better and I've managed to fall asleep again after going to him the past few nights. I REALLY hope this is a change that will last!
I don't know whether to see lo's wakings as a problem or not. So many people stil have 1year olds who don;t sleep through. I've given him a bottle of herbal tea the past two nights and he took it and fell asleep again. Now I'm worried I'm doing something wrong and will make things more difficult later. Aaaaah
becky sorry about the chicken pox, it must suck! SOooo many babies are having it though, and I think it's better to have it and that's it. Hope you all feel better soon.
arcadia I agree about the weather, it's definitely making things better. Here in Scotland it's still not great but at least we have sunshine and can go outside. I am using Vit D but think I'll stock up on some B vitamins, and let us know about tryptophan.
I realised that my sleep problems are related to anxiety and will be seeing a counsellor, so hopefully we can work through things.

mdavza I agree - I have a packet of ADs that the doctor prescribed but I haven't taken yet in my bag. I think knowing that they are there helps me feel like I have the option. The doctor agreed that I didn't have to take them.

Not so good today. The baby was up at 3.30am and didn't really settle properly after that so I'm shattered today. Last night was my first night trying the tryptophan so I have no idea if it works or not as I didn't get the chance to find out!

I have to keep telling myself that one day, even if it's in a year's time or ten years time, I WILL sleep through a night again! Just feel like I'm fighting on two fronts, with baby waking me and me waking myself. So frustrating!!!

Hi both, I'm having a bad week. The anxiety is crippling when it strikes me. It is all about DS3's chicken pox and my sleep. Last night I couldn't get to sleep and convinced myself that was it, I was going to be as bad as I was in January again. I did sleep but woke wide awake at 5.30am with stomach still in knots! I have ADs too in the cupboard, they are fluoxitine, which I started to take but they made the sleep 10 times worse so I stopped. I hated them! I'm trying to get through this without them. It comes and goes in waves, good weeks, bad weeks. I don't know about you two but when the bad weeks come I assume that's it, rock bottom again. Positive thinking! I must do more positive thinking! This too shall pass, repeat after me.

Ive had a dreadful night. Took a sleeping tablet (zopiclone) and it didn't work. Slept about 3 hours. DH has stormed off to work without saying goodbye as he is cross with me presumably for being so self-indulgent and self-centered for having a relapse (the day before he finds out whether his brother has MS too). I feel dizzy and anxious. Not sure how I am going to get through today. I don't know what to do. I was doing so well and now I feel back in the hole again. I didn't ask to do this today. I was telling him how I didn't think I could go on much longer like this. I realise I've put him under a huge amount of pressure and I feel racked with guilt. Oh god. What to do?

Don't panic BBL. You can't expect to never have a bad night again. Apart from the fact that everyone does from time to time, It's going to take a while for your sleep to settle down again completely. You mustn't think in terms of 'success' or 'failure' when it comes to sleeping. Have you started that cognitive therapy book yet? There are some helpful things in there about not thinking in black and white terms about your sleep (good or bad). I think if you're feeling anxious in the day time too then you will need to try and look at that first. I was thinking about the ADs and you only tried one kind but there are lots of different kinds. You could try a different kind which may help with the anxiety. I took the tryptophan again last night and it seemed to help - we were still up because of the baby but I seemed to get more sleep in total. You could maybe have a look into that or St John's Wort. I have to go now and sorry I probably can't help much. But don't despair!

Arcadia I know what all you say is right. What scared me last night was that the sleeping tablet didn't work and I just went into a panic then and that's why DH is in a strop with me today. I feel so guilty about what I am doing to him. I've told him to get some st john's wort but he's not responding to my emails oh crumbs. I did look at that book and found it very useful but I am full of negative thoughts today. Thing is, when I'm sleeping well I'm super confident about my sleep and then there is a slip up (like the DSs all getting chicken pox) and I am back in the black hole again and seeing everything as completely black. This must be what postnatal depression is. I really don't want to take ADs though.

It's me again! Sorry I keep cropping up like a bad penny!

It's just reading your posts, reminds me SO SO much of how I was!

Having a few good nights and then thinking I was "cured" and then having a bad night and spiralling downhill into panic and despair again! I truly know what you mean when you panic that the sleeping tabs aren't working anymore.

It's amazing what the body can do to over-ride sleeping tabs - adrenaline works directly in opposition to them.

Take courage, you will be able to sleep normally again. I have the odd bad night now and then, but overall it is fine now.

Now I'm in the dilemma of whether to go for DC2 - but I'm scared!

GetDownYouWillFall when will I be better? This sleep thing started around 4 January. The last two weeks were lovely and perfect and I was happy and doing so much fun stuff and even coping with DS3's eczema worries even and sorting it out with doctors, etc. Then the chicken pox hit, anxiety hit, sleep out the window. Last night at 11.30 I thought 'I'll take a zopiclone and at least I'll sleep now'. How wrong I was! The bloody thing didn't work and I panicked and started saying awful things to DH about wanting to die and kill myself rather than be awake another night. No wonder he isn't talking to me today. I just hate being in this low, dark place of sleep deprivation. I'm not strong enough to deal with these days.

I told my DH I couldn't go on, couldn't cope, wanted to die, couldn't survive any longer on many occasions! Sleep deprivation really does do that to you. Turns you from a normal rational person to a crazy desperate being.

I remember sobbing and having panic attacks in the middle of the night having being lying there for about 3-4hrs wide awake and DH turning the light on and "talking me down" - He was amazing really. I was very lucky to have such great support. But even he had his moments of getting frazzled with me - he was knackered too!

I can't really say when you will get better becky !! I'm so sorry! It's different for everyone.

I got ill in January 08. I would say by June / July of 08 I was much much better. I had a lot of good periods before June so don't panic! I also had bad times after July. What I'm saying is it's a gradual process, but eventually the bad nights will get fewer and fewer and you will suddenly take a step back and say "hey, I feel like me again"

xxx

GetDwonYouWillFall this brought tears to my eyes. This was me last night! This was my poor DH last night!

Well it is March now, and it has got better, in waves, since the darkest month of my life (January). I never, ever want to be in January 2010 ever again. DH keeps telling me when I have a bad night 'it's just a blip' and I reply 'nooo, I want to die, I can't do this, I can't live like this, I want to kill myself, I need to sleep, why can't I sleep, please let me sleep'. He'll tell me to think of the seaside and I try and ten minutes later I start sobbing again. Poor, poor bloke!

I recognise that "it's just a blip" !

My DH used to say that all the time

It would drive me mad! I truly believed this sleep thing would be the end of me... I lost all my confidence, I continually cancelled arrangements with friends for fear of being "too tired". I even couldn't face going on holiday for fear of not being able to sleep in an unfamiliar place. I thought it was the end of my life. That is not an exaggeration it really got that bad. I think it is hard on the DHs because they can't really understand the problem - why can't you sleep? It comes easily to them.

Your DH will be so glad he stuck by you - you will be well again!
x

Hi there, slept better last night but I was utterly exhuasted. The anxiety is still there though and I don't know how to get rid of it. I've worked out that I am far, far worse the week before my period (ie now). I feel horrendous. Is there anything I can do about it? Still resiting ADs. I am trying sepia and have tried some rescue remedy which does help a bit I think but every now and then it just gets worse. I am so scared that I am more poorly than I thought.

I know this sounds weird but I found it helpful to kind of accept the anxious feelings...
Almost embrace them. It was the only thing that seemed to make them subside a little.
Hard to explain, I just had to concentrate very hard and think
"now I am feeling a tension in my chest"
"now I can feel my heart going fast"
"now I recognise my breathing is not normal"
"now I feel my hands are a bit shaky"

and go on like that.

It did start to ease. The more I tried to stop feeling anxious, the worse it would get. Whereas if I embraced the feelings they eased a little.

May not work for yuo, but worth a go?

GetDownAndYouWillFall that's good advice and I have been doing that a bit today, almost going with the flow of anxiety rather than fighting it. It has helped. DH has made me go out to the cinema this morning with DS1 and to town this afternoon and strangely I felt totally fine when out of the house and as soon as I get back I started feeling crap again. Hmmm. Is that trying to tell me something about how I feel about life at the mo.? Is it coming back to DS3 that makes me feel like that or the house? I love DS3 to bits though and find his company very theraputic. Who knows? Thanks for all your advice! It really helps