getting help

[arcadia96]

i have a young baby and am struggling particularly with anxiety and insomnia now leading into depression. I have tried to seek help but have trouble really saying how bad I'm feeling as don't want to alarm or upset people (friends/family), or be sectioned (GP/health Visitor). I really feel like each day is getting harder. Anyone been in a similar situation - how to really make it known that you need more help?

Bit better last night; felt restless but can't have been lying awake for long periods otherwise I would remember so must have had 6/7/8 hours. Took no sleeping pills so that's good too. Don't feel too bad and have been out to group and met up with friends and had lunch at friends house. We are living parallel lives BBL! That list is so helpful; am going to add my own to it when I get a chance.

I know! I always seem to be better towards the end of the week, rubbish Sunday night / Tuesday night for some reason! But I am feeling more positive today: this will get better.

I have had short bowts of insomnia before - no longer than a week though. So I know it is mind over matter.

yay! You both had ok nights!!!! Keep up your positivity! xxxx

Same here a better night (restless, but at least I slept) and a good day. Feeling more positive. thanks to both of you. Am going to keep working at the positive thoughts.

Sorry just repeated myself thought my previous post had disappeared!

I had a bad night last night ... not because of me though, I slept okish (very restless but at least I slept)! But I'm tired today because DS2 had nightmares 3am-5am and woke every fifteen minutes screaming as if he was being murdered in his bed and then DS3 woke 5am screaming. Oh motherhood!!!!!

I still feel quite positive though - if I can sleep in spite of all that disruption and feel quite chirpy today then things aren't so bad.

I am so pleased to have found this thread. It is reassuring to know that there are others experiencing this awful insomnia/depression. I can relate to what you are all saying. I too struggle with the notion that if I had enough sleep I would be fine and therefore not depressed but obviously I would be able to sleep normally if I did not have depression. I am hoping to avoid taking anti-depressants (have previously taken citalopram for PND)
and would like to try natural methods first.

GDYWF - I have just ordered the book you have recommended. I have suffered from insomnia all my adult life but just recently it seems to have got so much worse.

Hi Wools - like you I am avoiding ADs. I've had a crap night's sleep so feeling low today. Do you really think that insomnia is caused by depression? I just don't feel depressed. I just can't sleep deeply anymore it seems. What natural methods are you thinking of? I've been using hypnotherapy which helps hugely (Paul McKenna on my ipod when I go to bed). Also I tried a homeopathic remedy which helped a bit. At the moment I have one bad night in three and the other two aren't exactly normal either. Sooo tired zzzz.

Arcadia if you are about how goes things with you?

I've just ordered that book too!

Hi Becky...yes snap I had a very bad night last night too. I'm trying to exercise regularly (have just returned from gym) and get out in the fresh air especially when it's sunny. I'm off to buy St John's Wort today as well. DH and I are giving up wine for lent to see if this helps.(We usually have a glass or two every evening)

I find when I'm very tired it brings my mood crashing down but on days when I've slept well my mood is fine so can't tell if it's lack of sleep causing me to feel low or depression which is causing the lack of sleep iyswim.

That is exactly my problem. When I first stopped being able to sleep properly I went to the doctors saying 'I can't cope I'm so tired!' and he immediatley waffled on about hormones and PND. I just don't see how this can be proper depression if I love spending time with my children, love going out with them, basically enjoy my life with three Dcs etc, etc. Just spoken to my mum on the phone and she says that after having a baby your hormones are up the creek for anytime up to a year and like with the menopause it is normal to have your sleep disturbed. I do get anxious about sleep sometimes (like last night) and that is sooo frustrating. That's what the hypnotherapy is supposed to help with and it does most of the time.

How old are your DCs?

Good luck with the wine! I did that once: found it very hard but felt much better for it! I haven't given up anything for Lent - worrying about sleep? I wish!

I am hoping giving up the wine will benefit my waistline as well as helping me sleep better. Kids are DS1 age 6, DS2 age 4 and DD age 3. They are hard work but delightful. The irony is they are staying with their grandparents for a couple of days and I was so looking forward to catching up on sleep and relaxing and if anything I feel even worse than usual. They come back tomorrow and I am hoping I sleep well tonight. However, the worry of being desperate to sleep usually has an adverse effect and will probably mean I have a rubbish night. I like the sound of hypnotherapy tape - will look into it.

Hi Wools - you are right, just thinking about sleep is enough to make you worry about it and then subsequently, not sleep! It's so frustrating. The book I mentioned describes this process, and how it basically "switches off" the automatic sleep process that normally happens in non-insomniacs. So basically what should be automatic becomes conscious and therefore you trip yourself up!
It is very frustrating, I described it to my husband as like someone telling you "don't think of an elephant, don't think of an elephant" - what you immediately do is think of an elephant - you can't help it!
You need to try and stop obsessing about sleep - hard as it seems. Try and do as much as possible in the day to take your mind off it. Then as bedtime approaches just try and take the pressure off yourself as much as possible e.g. "it doesn't matter if I don't sleep well", "I will cope I can read my book" etc.
Hope you have a good night tonight.
x

Thanks GDYWF. That is really good advice. I'm really looking forward to reading this book. I had no idea until I stumbled across this thread that other people had exactly the same sleep issues as me.

me too, I thought I was totally alone. All the health professionals seemed to have never heard of post-natal insomnia. I thought I was going mad. No one could understand how I could be totally and utterly exhausted and yet be unable to fall asleep. It was like something had "broken" in my head.
Unfortunately for me it got a lot worse but I think if I'd been given help on the sleep thing earlier it wouldn't have progressed quite so badly.
The book is quite dense, so it may be hard to take it in (especially if you are knackered) but it's good for dipping in and out of. And the techniques in there are much more useful for long term recovery, unlike sleeping tablets

I've just tried to have a nap. Yeah right. Too tired to sleep. GDYWF your last post made me cry as that is exactly how I feel. No-one in the real world understands and it is so lonely. Everyone says 'just stop thinking about it'. So easy to say.

I was doing really well until last night. I just want to be zonked out for 8 hours now.

I know what you mean Becky, even now I can't nap in the day. It's so hard because all your mummy friends can just have a nap if they've been up in the night with the little one, but not us. I found that if I tried to have a nap and then couldn't sleep I got myself more stressed out than if I'd just had a quiet sit with a cup of tea. Sometimes I'd surprise myself (tho rarely) and doze off a little on the sofa - I think because it was away from the negative "bed associated" space!

You will come through it, you think it will never end, but you will get there.

Hi ladies. I totally know what you mean about being too tired to sleep...it's crazy isn't it?

Didn't have a good night last night. Tossed and turned...finally fell asleep about 3.30. I actually feel nauseaous today through the lack of sleep.

I slept well last night (didn't even get to the end of Paul McKenna on my ipod) but I've started my second round of homeopathy tablets. They aren't sleeping tablets but they are designed to help those who cannot sleep due to 'nursing the sick / babies for prolonged periods' (or words to that effect). The idea is that they get the body to heal itself after having to be on alert for ages, having lost it's natural sleep body clock. But today I feel really shitty due to nights of bad sleep catching up on me: shivery and unwell. I must still be tired as I nearly told DS2 not to put wooden bricks in his toy microwave as they won't cook properly! Durrr.

Wools I hope you had a better night last night. I had a bad night - I just can't seem to sleep deeply anymore unless I am the right level of knackered (not too knackered), like GDAYWF says it is like something is broken in my head an no-one in the real world gets it. I slept fitfully all night but DS3 awake 1-2am and 3.30-4.15am anyway. Dozed on and off after that. Bloody awful this is sometimes.

Had a horrendous dream that I was pregnant and lost the baby. It was horrible.

Becky - Sorry to hear about your bad night. What a horrible dream too.
My night was a lot better. I couldn't sleep to start with. Then DD came in at midnight - she is very fidgety so I knew I definately wouldn't be able to sleep then. I went into her bed and finally fell asleep about 1.30ish...slept deeply until 7.30. In fact I feel a bit spaced out today because I slept heavily.

just remember if you have dreams, it means you had some sleep and your body will usually give you enough sleep to enable you to cope, although obviously you still feel pretty grotty.

Warning bells are when you are getting no sleep at all, that becomes impossible to bear and needs serious intervention.

I cannot recommend more highly mirtazapine as an AD if you have sleep problems.

Becky - even tho it seems people around you don't understand what you are going through, I do understand because I have been there. Please keep talking if you feel it is helping.

I have said it before but will say it again as my mantra
YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS

That's true, I haven't had a night of no sleep at all since DS3 was born and when I was a student doing final exams I had a few nights of no sleep (one night no sleep, next night 2 hours, next about 4 hours) and I was a mess! After that I'd have the odd night of no sleep at all for about a month but managed to get over it without any intervention or anything. I think hopping it off to Japan for two years to teach English did the trick - I slept really well for those two years. I remember thinking it must be the Japanese diet! Then I've slept really well since then (ten years ago) until now!!!

Anyway, GDYWF thanks so much for your support and advice. I know it'll get better and if it really is a hormonal thing as my mum thinks then my body will surely get better eventually. THINK POSITIVE!!!

Wools glad you slept better. I'd recommend Paul McKenna to help you get off to sleep. He works for me!

I'm a lot better now and sleeping through the night, like my DD, but have been slightly abusing the night nurse (I did have a bit of a cold!) and using nytol from time to time. Started feeling more relaxed generally. Touch wood all going well but hardly dare say it...