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Mental health

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Original poster

Feel so alone and down

46 replies

UnderneathTheStream · 24/01/2010 20:54

I don?t really have any friends ? good colleagues, acquaintances etc ? I?m just not good at making ?good? friends and then staying in touch with them.

I don?t have any family really ? a mother who couldn?t care less, a brother who for his own reasons cut off contact with the family. Cousins I have met maybe twice if that.

I do have a lovely DP though ? he left for his yearly skiing holiday yesterday. I don?t want to ring him up in tears and make him feel guilty for enjoying himself, I want him to have a good time.

But I feel so sad and lonely and like a waste of skin. Surely if I was worth having around I?d have people who wanted to be around me.

I?ve not been drinking tonight, so I?m not maudlin, just so, so sad.

That?s it really ? I know no-one can fix it, but I don?t have anyone to ring, so I?m putting it up here?.

OP posts:

twoisplenty · 30/01/2010 23:58

Only just seen your thread. And yes, we do care. The bit that I could identify with is the uninterested mother, and your suffering (ed, alcohol etc). It's so hard, isn't it? I am feeling bad lately, similar mother to yours!! Similar ways to deal with it too, ed, self harm etc. Crap, eh?

So, yes, definitely have empathy towards you. Hang on in there, your dh will soon be home, and you deserve loads of attention from him. Make sure you get it.

You will start to feel better, but in the mean time, concentrate on each minute, hour etc. Deep breaths and be gentle on youself.

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 30/01/2010 23:58

I was polite and suggested coffee sometime?I get your point

OP posts:

willsurvivethis · 31/01/2010 00:01

I was a huge culprit myself - I've had to learn and I've not been disappointed, my friends really are friends. There's one who for a while came over sometimes at 5.30am because I had texted him (he gets up at 5) after a sleepless night so completely stewed that I was shaking - to pray with me, listen, talk, let me cry on him. DH went to bed 2am around that time so he was no use (love him to bits btw )

When things are bad you need your friends and they need to know.

JodieO · 31/01/2010 00:22

I'm about if you're still here. So sorry for your loss, have similar going on myself right now. There are people that care.

JodieO · 31/01/2010 00:59

I hope you're ok.

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 31/01/2010 11:58

JodieO, willsurvivethis and twoisplenty, thank you so much for replying. I?m sorry I was being really selfish and I hope that you in return are doing ok.
x

OP posts:

adelicatequestion · 31/01/2010 13:13

You are not being selfish. You are struggling after a significant trauma.

I struggled with being able to open up to people. I txted friends asking if they wanted a coffee when what I wanted to say is xxxx has happened and I'm feeling really down.

Once I'd done it once, they really rose to the challenge and have been there, but it was so hard for me to accept and let them in.

Could you organise seeing a psychologist either through the doctor or privately. It has been my lifesaver. I was in for teh slog though and have been seeing her for over a year (lots of issues me!)

Hope you get some support from your DP.

JodieO · 31/01/2010 14:51

Not selfish at all. How are you feeling today?

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 31/01/2010 18:18

My DP is back now so having lots of cuddles etc!

Just feel really really tired. No idea how I?ll get up for work tomorrow.

OP posts:

JodieO · 31/01/2010 19:36

Hope you manage to get an early night and some sleep as you're so tired. Enjoy the night with your dp and take care of yourself.

compo · 31/01/2010 19:42

Have you had anytime off work following your miscarriage?
Maybe you need a holiday ? And are you sure you have the right number for your brother?

willsurvivethis · 31/01/2010 20:23

You were not selfish - you were reaching out when it was too dark to cope alone - which is a good thing to do xx

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 31/01/2010 21:51

I had a week and a half off? went back for a week but feel so wrung out I?m wondering if I could do with some more! I?m very very tired, but not sleepy IYSWIM.

Yes I rang my brother yesterday ? yes he had got the text just didn?t bother to reply. He said it stressed him out too much.

Thank you everyone for listening.

OP posts:

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 13/02/2010 00:08

OK so it?s worse even though he?s back. He?s better off without me dragging him down. I have the means, it just takes the will.
What?s the point?
I try to have sympathy but you all at least have children: I have nothing: what do I have to show for my life barr a few killed house plants.
I?m a crap teacher and I?ve had enough.

OP posts:

duckszebrasgiraffes · 13/02/2010 00:26

I can't stay, but didn't want you to have no replies. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Miscarriages are awful and do take a lot of time to get over.

As it is so late, if you are feeling really down you could think about ringing the Samaritans. Their number is 08457 90 90 90.

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 13/02/2010 00:30

Sorryforbeinga downer .crappy MNwi thcrappy spacin g. yeswillr ing

OP posts:

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 13/02/2010 00:32

yeahbutcutti ngisbet t er

OP posts:

giraffesCantCeilidhDance · 13/02/2010 00:34

Ok what your saying in your last message is very serious - it implies suicidal thoughts - are you feeling suicidal?

If this is the case then you need help then mumsnet can't provide, you need professional support to deal with these feelings, mumsnet can be part of that support but we are not qualified to deal with these feelings online. www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx

Original poster

UnderneathTheStream · 13/02/2010 00:50

Rangsamar itans.

OP posts:

naturopath · 14/02/2010 21:12

underthestream how are you today? (only just read this thread - otherwise I would have posted earlier)

Mummy369 · 14/02/2010 22:21

UnderTheStream I have only just seen this thread and wanted to post so you know you are not alone.

I think we were on the same TCC and Ante-natal threads and I, too have miscarried - just a few days after you it seems. I had a pretty awful first week and since then the bad days hit me like a sledgehammer. Today I found out my younger brother and his new wife are expecting early summer.

It knocked me for six and I spent the next hour sobbing. My DH came home from taking DCs swimming and I called my eldest to tell his Dad about the 'news'. When my DH cme upstsairs a few minutes later he had a go at me for not cooking kids supper - I just looked at him disbelievingly and reminded him of the message DS gave him - first he tried to deny hearing about the news and then the full force of what had been said hit him, he just went white, no apology, and walked out the room! Bloody men!

You're right when you say having children already can help ease the hurt. It doesn't lessen it, though, and the depressive episodes are very debilitating. I haven't yet returned to work as I work with newborn babies - but mostly because I am so anxious and worried about not being able to funtion at work. There are also 2 other pregnant colleagues, one of whom has been trying for 22 yrs and is now expecting twins - due at the same time as I would have been!

I am thinking of you and if you need late-night support i am often on here.. You said you rang the samaritans - how did that go? Please also consider counselling if you can. I started on Friday and have also had various depressions, counselling and medication for the past 30 years (I'm only 37!)

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