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Original poster

What to do now

26 replies

sb9 · 09/08/2009 13:28

Hi,
I have been a poster on here and have appreciated your help.

Just not sure what to do. Had a tearful morning with hubby and feel lost.

I know i feel down due to family issues and am seeing a counseller but i am not sure if i feel down due to i dont know a lack of seritonin or something too. Its just i feel empty all the time, even when my hubby sees me laugh or i do have a 'nice time' i just dont feel right.

Not sure what to do, do i go back onto AD's or what.

I have Minirea coil in and after readin posts am unsure whether to have it taken out..

Am asking here as i have been to the drs, been to mental health and no one seems to know what to do with me...

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 13:36

What do you think of your counsellor? When are you next due to see her/him?

Note down how you feel right now. Make it a list of precise words. Don't hold back, its only for you to read. Be thoroughly honest even it it has harsh words in it.

I took a list like this to my counsellor a few years ago and it formed the basis of nailing what was eating me up deep down.

I had one counsellor who was as useful as a pee in the wind (nice to have the chat, but didn't get me anywhere) and then a few years later (why did I wait?) I tried again and found someone who unlocked things.

Now, years on, I can't say I'm totally Mary Poppins but I know why I can be Cruella de Ville and therefore, I understand myself and I can apply my survival techniques and self treat.

Get writing. Don't give up. Something made you feel this way. And something can be changed and looked at differently. Fight for you xxxxxxx.

Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 13:43

I had a counseller who treeated me for 14 months and i did not feel any different (well only angrier and more deressed) I have changed and had this one for 3 times and so far think she is really good.

Problem is i feel like i dont know how i feel if that makes any sense! Just flat, not enjoying things, empty, lonely,bored,irritable,angry...

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 13:43

I need to go just now. Don't give up sweetheart. You can get through this, its just you have yet to find the right path and the right helpers. Back later.

Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 13:44

Oh and she is on holiday until the end of August so cant wait. I will have a go at the list..

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Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 13:45

Thanks, just feel so rubbish as i have been to so many people and just havent got anywhere which is why i feel like going back on ADs..

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 13:46

Cross posted.

If you like her then that is great. How is she handling your sessions? Does she ask any questions or just let you talk? Don't be afraid to tell her what you are telling me. I remember telling my DP this very thing and he would encourage me to tell her what wasn't working.

I really had to take a deep breath and say everything just as I felt it. My counsellor was great, she said she wouldn't be doing her job if I was sitting there worrying about what she might think.

frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 13:48

Personally, I didn't take ADs for my own reasons. I do think they can be very helpful though and often counsellors like to work in conjunction with ADs. Have you asked your counsellor what she thinks? Could someone else there offer you a quick chat over the phone to discuss this? Keep talking, keep fighting for you. One day you will blossom and be the person you know you are. Its just you have yet to find the right way/thing for you.

Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 13:49

Good thoughts, got to go as my baby has woken up, ill be back later... thanks

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 13:50

At least you can recognise your down time. When I saw mine, I went into survival mode. Find a workable day (jobs done in the morning, treat yourself to something in the afternoon, or survive the day and cry under the duvet at night, whatever works for you).

Do you have ups and downs or just permanent flat?

frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 13:51

Talk to you later x. What age is your baby? How many children do you have?

I'm not trying to work out who you are, I just want to see if I can help you find some strength and some ideas.

Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 14:09

Back on for 5 as shes asleep again, i have one and she is 1years old.

I would say ups and downs but mixed with permanent flat. Told you its was strange. Its like i know when im really down and i also know when i have a nice time. But the nice times i have are not the same as i have experienced before in that i still feel sadness or an emptiness so outwardly i am enjoying myself but inside its not 100%. Hope that makes sense!

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Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 14:11

Oh and this counseller asks questions but the other one just let me talk and didnt seem to probe as much or delve much hence me thinking this ones better...

OP posts:
oneplusone · 09/08/2009 14:20

sb9, you say you have family issues. It might help you to have a look at the Stately Homes thread in Relationships. I recognise how you are feeling as i have often felt that way myself. I have family issues too and that thread has been a lifesaver for me. It is also crucial to have the right counsellor. I 'interviwed' quite a few before i found my current one. You need to find somebody you 'click' with, somebody who 'gets' you, who you are and how you are feeling. It's hard finding that person, but once you do, you will make progress and start feeling better or at least have an understanding as to why you feel the way you do.

HarlotOTara · 09/08/2009 14:27

Counselling does mean that difficult feelings come to the surface and you can feel worse before feeling better - it is a winding road. It can take time to both build a relationship of trust with a counsellor and to feel better within yourself so if you feel you can talk to your counsellor try and stay with him/her. It really can take time if the issues you are dealing with are deep-seated. How did you find your counsellor was it via NHS/Dr. or some other way?

frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 17:54

You make total sense. I had PND after my DD1 was born and I felt wrong until she was around 18 months. I loved her to bits and found I loved watching her and being with her.........and I also felt totally not myself. I would do what I had to do in the mornings then allow myself the afternoons to hide from the world. I didn't like being around people.

I bought a book called "At Home No One Hears You Scream" by Cara Aitken. I liked the title. It was a breakthrough for me that other people had feelings like mine. Then I felt better slowly and carried on. But not totally myself....I ignored my deep feelings.

Later, when I had my DTs, I threw myself into taking care of the children and for 6 months I flew around on autopilot. We moved twice in six months, my DP worked away, I had twins to take care of and then my DD1 started school. Eventually, I fell into a pit and stayed there.

I dragged myself out of it slowly by trying everything, vitamins, exercise, counselling with first counsellor. But it didn't go away fully. Then I revisited the counselling place and got a counsellor I clicked with (I ditto the last two posts) and it made the WORLD of difference.

I could look back and see that no matter what I'd done or what medicines or therapies I'd had, nothing would have fixed me until I dug around and found out what was at the root of my feelings.

It took the best part of a year and yes, I went down further before I came back up. But now, 8 months on.......I am so glad. I am not fixed but I am on the road to recovery.

Only today, I found a pile of self help books that I thought I would find answers in and I chucked them in the charity bag. It felt so good. I know I have reasons now for why I felt the way I did and that has helped enormously.

MN was my main source of support in the beginning. I couldn't even admit to myself I had a problem until some girls on here put out an olive branch and let me/made me trust them. Even now I find saying and typing the word 'depression' very, very hard.

You can feel better. Someone said to me "you deserve to feel like the person you know you are". Keep going xxx.

Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 18:30

Thanks, I will look up that thread. Just worried as feel like Im ruining my marriage. Husband is very god but its really hard on him, he does everything to make me happy but Im just not.

Yes i am sure i have deap seated reasons which i will explore but i find it hard as i can understand when certain things happen as to what an impact they have on me to feel down but when i just feel down for no apparent reason i just dont get it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sb9 · 09/08/2009 18:48

Can someone put a link in for stately homes thread, cant find it .... what is it?

OP posts:
oneplusone · 09/08/2009 22:09

Here it is. It's the 6th thread! Has been going since 2006.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/758486-Our-6th-visit-to-the-Stately-Home

frumpygrumpy · 09/08/2009 23:18

go to VVV's original post I think this helps explain these feelings really well. Go down to her original, well written, piece. I've linked this to loads of people. It might help a little.

Original poster
sb9 · 10/08/2009 12:31

Thanks, yes they do help. Not sure where to post now so am posting on the relationships link there now....

OP posts:
oneplusone · 10/08/2009 13:50

sb9, feel free to join the Stately Homes thread. Will look out for you.

frumpygrumpy · 10/08/2009 22:57

how's today sb?

Original poster
sb9 · 11/08/2009 12:19

Hi,

Im ok, dont feel too down today. Its weird I have such cycles of mood swings although a said before i dont really ever feel 'happy' but i dont feel that horrible emptiness or flatness today which is good.

Going to get my Miniera coil taken out today, grapsing at straws but i have read quite a lot of posts on here about it not being given to people with depression so i think i will give it a try..

Not sure what else to do.

I do know my family issues have caused the way i feel but yes will dig around further. The problem i have really is that these issues were brought to the surface byt my first counsellor but not dealt with so i just feel i am left with anger,sadness from my childhood and with how things are now. Its very hard as yes i see where they came from but what on earth do i do with it!!

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 11/08/2009 21:09

Interesting to hear, similar to my counselling. I'm just about to eat and will try to come back later.

Original poster
sb9 · 12/08/2009 13:23

Thanks!

OP posts: