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Original poster

A question about long term depression

99 replies

eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 16:29

Maybe it is just because I am feeling really low at the moment, lots going on and it getting to me a lot, but does there come a point where if ADs haven't worked to make one not feel crap, that one has to accept this is how one is and that is that?

I have been saying since I was 15 that I was depressed but only officially was dx after my first baby was born at 29.

I feel like I want to run away.

I feel like I want to go back to happier times.

I feel like I want out but also really don't.

Seeing GP on Tuesday as a regular check but feel he doesn't understand anymore.

I am sick of being like this. I am sure people are sick of reading about me. If I knew it was going to be like this forever maybe I would just have to find a way to live.

OP posts:
Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 17:51

I mean bad as in feeling sh*te, he knows I have occasionally forgotten them.

OP posts:
MrsSeanBean · 31/01/2009 17:51

It's nothing to be about, you can't help how you feel.

Will your DH be back soon? I used to like going for a walk in the evenings too, wrapped up warm and just walked, it's better when the streets are quiet (as long as safe of course).

Molesworth · 31/01/2009 17:52

oh sorry! It is SO difficult to ask for help I know, but take your DH with you to hold your hand. He can also speak up for you if you find it too difficult to confirm how shite you have been feeling.

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 17:53

It would be fairly safe. I really want to go but don't want to freak him out.

OP posts:
Molesworth · 31/01/2009 17:54

Can't you text him or ring him, or just leave a note?

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 18:24

I went out for a walk. Was freezing. Really dark. No one about except for the odd car. Discovered there are no lights on this country lane. Didn't care if anyone got me tbh Cried a bit. Texted a friend. DH rang me and came and got me. Got me home, hugged me and told me never to do that again. I think leaving a note to say I had gone for a walk would have worried him just as much tbh.

OP posts:
mysterymoniker · 31/01/2009 18:33

do you think your husband will support you to get a referral from GP to CMHT/psychiatrist? do you feel ok about seeing a different GP maybe?

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 18:37

I feel disloyal seeing another GP as he did help in the beginning. I think my DH would do anything to get me help but I imagine it is incredibly hard for him atm.

OP posts:
mysterymoniker · 31/01/2009 18:39

I spent a great deal of my adult life trying to get OUT of the clutches of the psychiatric services so this all feels a bit weird, but it really does sound like you need to see an appropriately qualified doctor - I cannot imagine being depressed for such a long time, it just doesn't seem right, not when there are so many treatment options now

mysterymoniker · 31/01/2009 18:40

maybe you could write to your existing GP and ask for the referral, someone here must know how it works?

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 18:41

Sometimes I have wondered exactly how bad do I have to be, or what do I have to do, for someone to see that I am really struggling.

I guess I don't always say as I am frightened I will lose my kids and also scared of what might happen if I did.

OP posts:
mileniwmffalcon · 31/01/2009 18:42

disloyalty isn't the issue - finding someone who can actually help you is. really, you shouldn't still be this bad 2.5 years into treatment, your gp is not giving you adequate care imho.

mileniwmffalcon · 31/01/2009 18:43

one more question nab - do you drink/self medicate with anything else?

dittany · 31/01/2009 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 18:47

I can take wine or leave it but seem to want a glass more often these last few weeks than I did. I don't feel better on the nights I drink. I have a glass in the hope I will feel better but I just feel so hopeless all the time.

I also take Agnus Castus at the Gps recommendation. He was hoping I could come off the ADs and stay on the AC but no such luck.

I have bought some other vits but not sure if I can safely take them with the ADs and AC.

OP posts:
MrsSeanBean · 31/01/2009 18:48

OP, if you feel disloyal, could you not find out what day off that GP has (most take one per week I think, to make up for weekend working), that way you could see another on their day off.

mysterymoniker · 31/01/2009 18:48

it's the people who don't realise how much they're struggling who end up having the sort of problems you fear, your insight into your depression is a terrific advantage and I hope you can make use of it by being honest with the people who can help

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 18:50

dittany have clicked on the eft site and have requested they email me.

The crystals thing sounds like something I could do. Where would I find out a stockist please?

OP posts:
Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 18:52

I just want to say a huge thank you to you all for sticking around and helping me today. It means more than I can say.

OP posts:
mysterymoniker · 31/01/2009 18:54

I really believe you can and will feel better than you do now - you will look back on this one day and shudder with relief that you're not suffering like that any more

mileniwmffalcon · 31/01/2009 18:57

i think we've all been there nab ((hugs))

dittany · 31/01/2009 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 31/01/2009 20:41

Thank you. Will look tomorrow as have had too much chocolate liquer to be ordering anything. Might end up with 17 elephants or something.

OP posts:
Original poster
eNABlemetobebetter · 01/02/2009 09:32

Dh got up with the kids so I had a lie in. Just pottering and then going to put a roast dinner on.

OP posts:
MrsSeanBean · 01/02/2009 09:39

Glad you had a lie-in. Roast dinner sounds great. Hope you enjoy.