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Original poster

Please help me

122 replies

whatsername · 20/03/2005 20:34

I didn't want to do this. I wasn't going to post here, but I don't know what else to do. I should change my name but you will all know who I am anyway.

I can't go on. I have finally reached the point of no return and I just can't carry on any more. I have just cut my wrists - superficially but the vein was just there and it would have been so easy. At least then someone could help me. I've cut myself for years, but never told anyone. It's never been for attention but now I know I need help and I don't know where to turn.

I can't just keep getting up in the morning and pretending everything is alright. I don't want to be here anymore but I don't want to leave my kids. I don't know how to carry on. The idea of having to face tomorrow is too much.

I know you're all going to tell me to go to the dr but I can't. I don't want to go on ad's. I spent most of my adolsecence on them and I don't want to go back. I don't want medication, I don't even take pills for a headache, I don't want to put chemicals in my body. And I don't want counselling, I can't sit and talk to a stranger. I can't do this. I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 21/03/2005 08:52

Hope you're feeling a bit better today, whatsername, and that you can manage to get to see someone for help really soon.

If the thought of telling your GP all of this makes you feel sick, then write down everything you want to say before you go, and just hand it to him to read. You don't have to say a word, and there is no chance that you will panic and forget something, or change your mind about telling him.

Evesmama · 21/03/2005 08:52

how are you this morningxx

HUNKERMUNKER · 21/03/2005 09:02

Hope you slept well, whatsername. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxx

Kayleigh · 21/03/2005 09:06

whatsername, have just read this thread all the way through. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You have received some great advice here and I hope you are feeling a bit more positive this morning. Do you feel you can make an appointment today to see your GP ?

Am sending you hugs {{{{X}}}}

mummytosteven · 21/03/2005 09:07

hope you've gone to the GP's today, whatersname, and feel a little bit better. It must be extremely draining for you to home-ed your son, if you are finding his behaviour difficult to handle (no respite at all/chance to get your head together). has your son had any sort of diagnosis at all?

Jaysmum · 21/03/2005 13:12

whatsername....I home ed my AS son to....so I know how hard it is to have 24/7 with not let up from the day to day challenges you have living with a SEN child.
I cry, I loose it for a few minutes, I rant and rave at my dh when he walks in the door after a day at work, I look at my ds and wonder WTF is going on in his head when he is wiping sh*t all over the bathroom floor....BUT I LOVE HIM....just as you do your ds.
I wouldnt change J for the world....but I would change the world for him. You need to see your GP asap. You need to get the support you need to help you through this and the support you are entitled to will help you make the small changes then the world will be a better place for all of you.
If you want to CAT me maybe we could share some coping strategies......

Thinking of you lots today....my heart goes out to you because I do understand how you feel.

Take carexxxxx

rickman · 21/03/2005 16:48

Message withdrawn

Spacecadet · 21/03/2005 18:13

Whatsername. you are not whining at all, I dont have any special needs children but was alone parent once so know how hard that is.I have a friend who has a special needs child who is the same age as my eldest ds and it took her about 8 years to get a diagnosis and many a time she became deeply depressed with hisbehaviour which included smashing all the doors, climbing on the teely and telling her and everyone around her to f off.I looked after him for a couple of days while she went into hospital as she is a single mum and I nearly had a breakdown! heis very hard work albeit a little more settled now.She told me that on one occassion she was so desperate that she phoned ss and asked them to take him into care, naturally they refused, please dont give up pushing for that diagnosis, have you considered getting into touch with homestart as they may be able to offer support( i cant remember how old you said your children were but one must be under 5)I hope you went to the doctor today, please dont give up.

spook · 21/03/2005 19:02

Hi whatsername. I have just read your thread all the way through and it has really touched my heart. I feel for you so deeply. I was wondering how you are feeling today and if you made the step to go to the GP coz we don't seem to have heard from you since last night. Let us know how you are??? There are alot of people thinking about you sweetie XXXXX

sansouci · 21/03/2005 20:40

Please let us know how you are, whatsername! I know I'm not the only one worried about you. thanks! xx

tigermoth · 21/03/2005 21:47

Hope today has been a better one for you.

rickman · 21/03/2005 22:09

Message withdrawn

ScummyMummy · 21/03/2005 22:46

Hope you are ok hon.

Jaysmum · 21/03/2005 23:04

whatsername.....are you OK????

spook · 22/03/2005 08:16

Whatsername..please check in with us today. Even if you are still feeling dreadful. We need to know where you are. Much love sweetheart.

Original poster
whatsername · 22/03/2005 20:46

Just checking in - not for an update so much as just to let you know I'm still here. I didn't come on last night as I had a really early night, feeling very drained at the moment.

I haven't been to the dr. I know you're all going to shout at me now and I know I need to but it's so hard. My heart tells me I can't face going to dr and I can get through it on my own, my head tells me I need to go but at the moment my heart's winning. I just can't find the motivation.

Ds has an appointment in London tomorrow which I'm dreading. He has to see the dentist for his annual check up to do with his cleft. Last time he wouldn't co-operate and we had to go back a second time. This time he's reasonably positive about what's going to happen but there's no telling as to whether he will behave or not. I'm just finding everything so overwhelming.

Thank you all so much for all the kind things you have all said. I don't feel worthy of your praise.

OP posts:
spook · 22/03/2005 21:43

You will get through the appointment in London just like you get through everything else because you are stronger than you think and when it comes to anything to do with the children you just go into automatic pilot and do it. That in itself should give you some hope. I am sad that you haven't been to the GP but completely totally understand. In your own time but just don't let yourself sink as low as you did on Sunday night. You need to do something quickly if you feel you will.
Thanks for letting us know you're OK. I have been thinking about you as I know lots of us have. XXXXXXX

tigermoth · 23/03/2005 08:11

whatsername, hope your ds is ok at the appointment and it's not as bad as you dread. I have to go now but agree with spook that you have to do things in your own time, but please do something quickly if you find yourself sinking low again and if it helps you, keep talking here - and get those SN mumsnet experts on your case.

WideWebWitch · 23/03/2005 12:06

whatshername, is there someone who could go with you for moral support? I'm glad you had an early night, please hang on in there. CAT me if there's anything I can do. x

coppertop · 31/03/2005 19:40

How are things, Whatsername? I haven't seen you around for a little while and just wanted to check that you were okay. xx

coppertop · 31/03/2005 20:56

bump!

coppertop · 01/04/2005 10:49

Another bump just in case you're lurking.....

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