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Original poster

Please help me

122 replies

whatsername · 20/03/2005 20:34

I didn't want to do this. I wasn't going to post here, but I don't know what else to do. I should change my name but you will all know who I am anyway.

I can't go on. I have finally reached the point of no return and I just can't carry on any more. I have just cut my wrists - superficially but the vein was just there and it would have been so easy. At least then someone could help me. I've cut myself for years, but never told anyone. It's never been for attention but now I know I need help and I don't know where to turn.

I can't just keep getting up in the morning and pretending everything is alright. I don't want to be here anymore but I don't want to leave my kids. I don't know how to carry on. The idea of having to face tomorrow is too much.

I know you're all going to tell me to go to the dr but I can't. I don't want to go on ad's. I spent most of my adolsecence on them and I don't want to go back. I don't want medication, I don't even take pills for a headache, I don't want to put chemicals in my body. And I don't want counselling, I can't sit and talk to a stranger. I can't do this. I just don't know what to do any more. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

OP posts:
Dior · 20/03/2005 21:01

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Enid · 20/03/2005 21:09

you must ring someone NOW. The samaritans for a start. You have got to the 'beyond mumsnet' stage.

Does anyone in RL know whatsername?

fatbetty · 20/03/2005 21:09

Whatsername - I can understand how you feel about not wanting to go back onto ADs and going to counselling. I was on ADs and going to counselling before having children (ds is now 2). While the ADs were very helpful during a hard time, I just never felt comfortable talking to a counsellor (they actually ended our sessions as they couldn't help me anymore - said I was "one tough cookie").

You really do need to talk to somebody, even if it's to get stuff off your chest. Talking to MN is a good start - and the hardest one at that!! And the ADs would really help you through this hard time. I know that I've been rethinking the idea of going back onto them - just to help me out right now.

Can you have a friend watch your kids for a while so that you can get some rest. I know that I feel awful if I don't get the rest I need. It's hard to ask sometimes - but do it for your kids and you!!!

pinkdiamond · 20/03/2005 21:11

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Original poster
whatsername · 20/03/2005 21:13

I'm still here.

OP posts:
soapbox · 20/03/2005 21:15

Whatsername used to be stupidgirl for anyone who knows her under her old name!

Whatsername - I've emailed you - please let me know if there is anything I can do!!!

fatbetty · 20/03/2005 21:18

Whatsername, what are you doing right now (besides sitting in front the computer)?

pinkdiamond · 20/03/2005 21:18

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pinkdiamond · 20/03/2005 21:19

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WigWamBam · 20/03/2005 21:21

If you are still having thoughts of taking your own life or that of your kids, you can go to A&E and ask to see the duty psychiatrist. You don't have to tell them you were thinking of smothering your children, and your children won't be taken away, but at the moment you need help and this is the quickest way to get it.

rickman · 20/03/2005 21:21

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WideWebWitch · 20/03/2005 21:22

wasername, (sg), you need to call someone. You are a lovely mum, I know that and your kids need you. I know you love them dearly. Please please get some help. xx

Original poster
whatsername · 20/03/2005 21:22

I'm doing nothing except sitting here contemplating my options. I don't know what to do or where to go. It has all just got too difficult. I'm wallowing and i hate myself for it, there's just no way out and I don't see how it can get any better.

OP posts:
Enid · 20/03/2005 21:23

can you go to bed?

Original poster
whatsername · 20/03/2005 21:24

My kids are 6 and 4, and I do love them desperately. I wouldn't hurt them, but I couldn't leave them behind either.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsername · 20/03/2005 21:25

I could go to bed, but what about tomorrow?

OP posts:
rickman · 20/03/2005 21:25

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Beetroot · 20/03/2005 21:25

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WigWamBam · 20/03/2005 21:26

You're right that it won't get any better if you don't do anything about it. Which is why you need to do something. Surely seeing the GP and getting medication or counselling has got to be better than what you're doing at the moment?

WideWebWitch · 20/03/2005 21:26

Would it help if you made a promise to us to sleep and come and tell us all how you feel in the morning? I know how much you love your children but if you are having a hard time (and he'ing? I don't know if that's hard or not but I can imagine it could be stressful) you need some proper help. I wish I could say something more, I really do. I do feel I know you a bit from here and your love for your children is very obvious.

Enid · 20/03/2005 21:26

you may possibly feel better tomorrow after a bit of sleep?

pinkdiamond · 20/03/2005 21:27

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soapbox · 20/03/2005 21:27

Whatsername - what was the final straw??? Whay finally tipped you over into feeling this way?

WideWebWitch · 20/03/2005 21:27

Andbecause of your love for your children you need to get some help. It's no good saying you can't, they need you to. And they need you.

fatbetty · 20/03/2005 21:29

There is always a way out, even though it doesn't look or feel like it at this moment. You are a fabulous mother and have given everything to your children - and they love you 150%. Just pick up the phone and call a friend or family member. Or call the Samaritans.