Aaargh, it's noro season. Anxious emetophobes this way!!!

[Dottoressa]

Hello ladies,

As we seem to have reached our limit on the other thread, I thought I had better start a new one!!

We have the 'positive' one started by our lovely BB - so I suggest we keep this as the 'anxious' one (i.e. the one where we can all say "OMG, it said on the news that someone v-d 200 miles away from me - am I going to catch it?!") We can share our worries, however silly they sound, without undoing the good work on the other thread. What do you all think?

I shall start off by saying that every time DD speaks, I think she's going to say she feels sick!!!

Now that really is neurotic...

xxx

thanks. sorry have not much idea how long bugs take to pass between people. will let you know if DD1s lurgey goes through us all and time frame.
just be extra vigilant in the handwashing department after using loo and before eating/cooking.am trying to be reassuring to DD2 but as phobias are, her fears are utterly irrational.

DA I don't feel I'm someone to give advice but I think it's good that you don't have a phobia yourself. Because then you are in the best position to rationalise your dd2's fears and also you don't have to battle with guilt that you've caused the phobia in her.

My dd is a teeny bit phobic about v. But I'm not sure it's particularly notable so much as having a healthy dread of the whole business. I'm very very keen for her not to get the phobia so I do deal with her when she's unwell. Fortunately, so far, she's only v-d due to a cough reflex when ill with a cold / cough, once with a very nasty tummy bug and once due to eating bad food. The first doesn't bother me as I'm primarily concerned with catching it and I never v due to a cough reflex. The second really freaks me out because of contagion and the third I just felt very sorry for her as she was quite violently ill and very scared by it. I've held a bowl for her, rubbed her back and cuddled her leading up to an 'incident' and cleared up after her. I try my very hardest not to show her my anxiety and to 'normalise' it. Even when we see v on the pavement and she goes 'yuck, that's disgusting!' I'll say something like 'yes I know but it happens to us all, it can't be helped' even though inwardly I'm holding my breath as we pass and praying neither of us will catch anything.

DA - IF is quite right about it being good that you don't have the phobia yourself. My DS is becoming phobic, and I don't know in which way it's my fault (either I've set him a bad example - though I've tried so hard not to! - or he's just genetically predisposed to anxieties/phobias...)

IF - I do exactly the same if we encounter v on the pavement (which we do, as we live near lots of students)!!

DA - I feel very sorry for your DD2, and for you (it can't be much more fun dealing with a phobic child than it is actually being the phobic child yourself). I hope someone has some good advice for you!

BB, did you have to say that???

I remember doing the holding the breath while passing v thing way back to when I was a very young child.

Does anyone on here have any idea why / where their phobia came from?

Well, we've made it to the end of term- now I can legitimately keep the kids away from school/ nursery. And it's a week since dd1's friend was ill, so I'm hoping that means we might have got away with it this year Although she was playing at said friend's house a couple of days ago, and, although they have all been recovered for a week or so, I couldn't help worrying there would be "bugs" around the house for her to touch and pick up on her fingers (I know I sound mad )

As far as where the phobia came from, I really think mine came from my mum being ill when I was little. She was pretty unwell, and sick quite a lot, and always made a horrible noise when she was being sick, which made me really panicky- I remember putting my head under the pillow as a kid to block it out. I didn't understand the ins and outs of mum's illness and various spin-offs when I was so young, but I remember realising that the grown-ups were worried, and that worried me. Vomiting was a very physiacl and visible sign of that illness that was so scary and that I didn't understand . I really think that might be why people being sick is so upsetting for me even now

That's interesting jooly.

In contrast I can only remember 1 incidence of my mum v-ing. And I only knew because my dad told me about it, I didn't hear or see a thing.

I had tummy upsets only 3 times between age 5 - 15 when I was ill after drinking my mum's gin. I know my mum found it very hard to handle when I did v although it was always her who was around to clear up etc., not my dad.

Maybe your phobia comes from your mum's response to your sickness, IF. I do try to be very "cheery" around the kids on the very rare occasion (thank God!) that they are sick, so that they don't pick up my panicky vibes. Luckily, I am very very rarely sick (and funnily enough, if I am ever sick through drink- hasn't been known in a good long while though!- I am carefree about it!) But when sober I get really uptight and shaky, and will do anything NOT to be sick. My dc have never seen me ill, so I am hoping this is a phobia that can pass them by. DH is also very good at dealing with them, thankfully!

I'm actually quite glad you brought up the whole source-of-the-phobia thing, because I hadn't really made the connection with my mum before.

Hello ladies,

It's interesting to hear about where this phobia might have come from. Jooly - you must have had a very difficult time, and I wouldn't be surprised if that hadn't had an effect on your feelings about illness
You are braver than me, though - I have never got drunk in case it makes me v!

I wish I knew where my phobia came from. I didn't really have tummy upsets as a child (unlike my sister, who always seemed to have them), and my Mum didn't have a problem with v (in fact, she was a bit impatient with my phobia on various occasions - like when I refused to get in the car with my sister who was feeling sick with period pain. I did offer to catch two trains and a bus home, but she wouldn't let me!!) On the rare occasions I did v as a child, my Dad always sorted it out, but I think that was because night duty was his 'job' (on the grounds that he was out at work during the day - or so I presume!)

In a way, it might be easier if there were one thing I could pin-point. It would make some form of hypnotherapy more of a possiblity, at any rate!

I also try to be cheery when the DCs v. I'm not sure they're convinced, though. When DD v'd (while I was on bowl-holding duty), DS said: "I'll go and get Daddy for you, Mummy." So I think he has sussed me!!

BB - thank you for whispering. Your post did actually make me laugh (though maybe it was rather hysterical, nervous laughter...)

Hi all,
I just found this thread and was intrigued!
My ds (8) has recently, well in the last few months, become absolutely terrified of being sick. He suffered a few panic attacks during the summer, following a trauma (he's over those now) but ever since he's become completely obsessed with a fear of vomiting. Every day he asks me "do I look ill"...it's driving me nuts! I feel so sad for him
Is this what you ladies are referring to here, or am I barking up the wrong tree? If anyone has some advice I'd be very grateful.

Kaytee - I don't think you are barking up the wrong tree at all!

I don't know when my phobia started, but I do remember obsessively writing in my diary "I was ---- today" (where I could fill in either 'sick' or 'well'). I must have been about 11 then (God, that makes me sound like a right nutter!)

I'm very sorry for your DS, and for you. Any phobia is very difficult to live with, whether you're the sufferer or the person who loves the sufferer.

I can't suggest anything very helpful (if I could, I would try it myself!) But I hope someone else has some advice for you and your poor DS...

hi everyone

we took my dd to see father xmas yesterday, all she wanted to do was touch the cuddly reindeers and i'm sure i caught her putting her hands in her mouth, now i'm panicking that she has picked up the bug. I've been driving my husband nuts all night, his sympathy is starting to turn to frustration now.

i can't talk to my mum about this as she says "let her be a child".

i am going crazy today just in case, any suggestions.

i wish i didn't feel like this, i am worrying now about yesterday lunchtime when we saw father xmas.

Hi all. Can I join in? Recently become even more anxious than normal about one of my 4dcs getting ill. DS2 was burning up the night before last and said he felt sick. DH was working til 11 and I was getting my self in a right flap that he was going to be ill and I wouldn't cope. Just going to get 'the bowl' made me feel ill. I haven't felt well for the past 3 weeks, constantly running to the toilet and every time I do I wonder when it's going to amount to something else. Then as I am sat there I am convincing myself so hard that I'm not going to be sick. My hands are sore from all the anitbacterial handwash and gel that I use. I've had stomach ache for weeks and I am fed up of feeling so ill. It has been known on some occasions when I have actually been 'ill' for DH to have to hold my head over the toilet cos I was in such a panic

I think my phobia stems from when I was little. Whenever I was ill my mother just sat me on the kitchen floor with a bowl and left me to it, making me chant 'its better out than in' over and over My mother is responsible for alot of my fears anyway.

kaytee, I feel so sorry for you. It's my dread that dd will show traits of this horrible phobia. I also think dp would be likely to blame me for triggering it in her which would be all the worse. Do you have the phobia yourself? Any idea where it's come from? For what it's worth I think a lot of phobias kick in around 7 or 8.

AAW I haven't heard of a bug that would take so many weeks to develop - is it possible that you have some IBS? And I hate to tell you but apparently anti-bac gel is no good at fighting off tummy bugs because they're viral rather than bacterial. It has to be soap and water which washes the bugs away rather than kills them. Apparently over-washing of the hands with harsh stuff leaves you with dry patches and ridges on your skin which are more likely to harbour bugs so you can afford to give your hands some TLC.

Wishing the same to you, BB - and to your sister. I hope you have a better year in 2009.

AAW - welcome! Feel free to share all anxiety here...

It seems that we all have various reasons for developing this phobia, some of them more understandable than others (mine really is a mystery). I've come to the conclusion that I am just an anxious person, and that my anxiety has chosen v to latch onto. If I really thought about it, I could easily become phobic of walking along pavements with the DCs (in case a car mounts the pavement), or similar disasters .

Maybe I should make a resolution to seek help in 2009!!

Happy Christmas to all xxx

BB, I had 2 years of CBT and almost 5 years of psychoanalysis all of which helped me to come to terms with the phobia but unfortunately didn't 'cure' me. I go through phases with it when it's better and worse. But the fact that I let go enough to allow dd to go to a busy primary school and can look after her when she's ill means I'm better than I have been at my worst which has seen me severely underweight and pretty much housebound. I too wouldn't forgive myself if dd developed the phobia.

Dot I'm also a highly anxious person. Alongside emetophobia I've suffered at various points with agoraphobia and claustrophobia (former as I've got older, latter was very bad when I was at school, I used to get panic attacks due to feeling 'trapped' in the classroom at school). I have terrible fears of something awful happening to dd and have to fight to keep horrible images and scenarios from my mind. I can't watch anything violent or scary on tv as it automatically transfers onto 'what if that happened to dd...' and drives me crazy. I also worry that I'll die young and dd will be left without a mum.

Most mornings I wake up with a start, with a feeling of something awful impending. I deal badly with change / uncertainty. I need to try to control what's going to happen. I must be hell to live with.

IF, you sound a bit like me. I have had treatment to help me get over my fear. To a point I have, I can now get through a period of illness with any of my 3DDs.

What I still find really hard is the panic I feel when I hear that other people/DC have been ill. It is then a timer and I make a mental note and then sit and wait.
Take Friday as an example. At the School where I work, approx 10:30am a Dc was sent home (high temp and sore throat) - bearing in mind most of the Dc that had the throat thing were sick. It then became an issue for me, I could feel the sirens starting in my head. I frantically talked myself out by telling myself that this Dc was not even friends with DD. 11:45am, I noticed another Dc going home from DDs class, this one unfortunately had been poorly outside the front of the School. Again I had to rationalise the situation.

DD3 that night was violently ill at 2:15am, I slept through it! I am now feeling really guilty that I didn't hear her and that DH had to deal with her. He told me that he didn't wake me as he knew I would be no good! I thought he had thought I was pretending to be asleep, but he said he knew I was not pretending to be asleep as I was snoring really badly!
As much as I don't want to help, I hate not helping as it makes me feel as if I am failing as my Mum duties - DH does not understand that!

This fear can take over lives without people knowing!

IF - ah, so I'm not the only one! I transfer any disaster I hear about onto the DCs, and I also have the 'motherless DCs' anxiety. When we went to France in summer (cue weeks of worrying about French food), my only consolation was that if the plane crashed, we would all die together. It is no fun living in my head!

PB - I know the mental timer thing, too! I went on a bus with the DCs today (something of an achievement - buses are right up there with public toilets for me), and DD put her fingers in her mouth. Eeek.

Noro was on the BBC news tonight (well, it was actually a piece about flu, but they had to go and mention noro as well...)

Ah well, I shall send noro-free hugs to all!

pb, is your dd3 better now?

In a way I'd rather be the one to deal with dd being ill as I need to know everything's been cleared up properly, I can't relax at all when dp's interfering in my phobia!

I too hate the worry / build up. There have been so many ill kids at dd's school this last term. But also I hate the fear I get when we're on the bus and she's holding onto one of the poles and I can't get her somewhere to wash her hands. I almost feel like I can see the germs.

BUT I'm not letting it make me housebound or cramp dd's style so in that respect I'm living with it.

Dot, that's uncanny - we flew to France last summer too and I thought the same, 'at least we'll all be together.'

My fears of something happening to dd were at their worst when she was first born. We spent almost 3 months in Paris when dd was 6 weeks old and I remember lying in bed paralysed with fear as the most absurd and horrific thoughts ran through my mind of scenarios that might befall little baby dd. For instance I'd been to the Jardin de Plantes (zoo) nearby the day before, with dd in a baby sling. There was a really odd kind of 'pit' with crocodiles in it and I couldn't shake this thought of me leaning over to see them and the baby sling breaking open and dd tumbling down and being eaten by a crocodile. That one tortured me for weeks and weeks. I had to dig my nails into my legs and force myself to count to 100 backwards and forwards to get rid of it.

IF, strangely enough she was only ill twice in the night. Completely messed up our plans for the weekend, and I had to go and stay with my nieces at their house, which was a huge ordeal for me! (although saying that me and my nieces had a fab time!)
She now has the remains of a horrid tickly cough which came on on Saturday morning and is still bugging her now.

Touch wood quick my other 2DDs are as fit as fiddles.
Luckily DD3 does not have a fear of being ill, apparently she had been up and down 3 times to the loo because she felt poorly before she came into DH! Poor thing she is only 8!

Oh dear! We drove to France this year! What a coincidence!!!!!