Anyone know how CvQ is today? Has she been in touch with anyone?

[thumbwitch]

She was in a bad way in the early hours of this morning, has anyone had any contact with her at all today? Am quite worried about her.

how far will you need to travel?
how long will it take?

its a train journey away.its not that far but me actually putting one foot infront of the other to get there is bloody hard.
past visits ive turned back to go home alot.with mum there i hope she can be strong for me to get me there.
oh ive just realised js never been on a train before and its not even a fun trip

I know sleep i sthe last thing on your mind right now, but how about a hot chocolate and a lie down. Tomorrow will come too soon for your liking, and it's going to be a hard session, no matter how long your there. Remember, we will be with you in spirit along your journey,

bless him, it will be an adventure for him.
being pratical, hopefully your mum will be able to help you with his pushchair and all the other essential crap stuff that babies need.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow, and sending lots of vibes.

now, have you got that hot chocolate?

i cant get a hot drink because mums already in bed.shes been sleeping on my sofa.i would have loved one though.
ill have to make do with water

bugger.

tomorrow night sneak a flask of hot water up

why don't you get a thermos flask or something for future nights? with it getting colder at night as well, it might be nice just to have something warm throughout the winter by the bed and not freeze getting one.
Now, I don't really want to, but I must go to bed- I have to be up by 6 for work tomorrow. I'll probably be on after 7 tomorrow night, so if you want/ feel up to it you can chat with me,if you don't, still okay? Peaceful rest vibes being sent to you!

good luck tomorrow with the train and the journey. Remember Dory from Finding Nemo - just keep swimming, just keep swimming - or in your case, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, just keep putting one foot in front of the other - not quite as catchy, I know, but you get the point

wishing you lots of luck for your appointment

hang in there, you are doing a fab job and you so deserve to have something go your way, i really hope this starts to set the 'healing' thing going for you.
it just needs a trigger (like the bad stuff does) but you can and will turn the whole thing round. you have got such a long way, i take my virtual hat off to you

night differentid x
and thumbwitch you actually just made me smile x

thankyou gigglewitch.i want to heal again

well you've certainly got a heap of supporters on here.
I reckon that we have to stop sticking plasters on and covering stuff up (not that you ever have, it was what i did with something too difficult) but you have to somehow 'mend' from the inside. Now that bit isn't easy. Every step hurts. But once you get somewhere along the path it is sooooo worth it.
dont know if i make any sense at all, and don't mean to preach at you or anything, just thought i want to try to say hang in there. that is the hardest bit.

Hey Hun

Sorry had a tonne of RL tonight and a wakeful baby, why oh why do they do it the very night you really can't even make time for a bathroom break

I am hoping you are tucked up in bed with little J and asleep.

I think you are an INCREDIABLY BRAVE WOMAN i really do.

You have dealt with a sludge of humanity and are here standing tall...oh yes you are with a lovely little bot you are doing the best by, tomorrow needs to happen and for J it will be fun, a choo choo is fun whatever the reason, new sights, sounds, smells and feelings.

Think of the fun you are giving him, the life experiences, you are STRONG for him and YOU PUT HIM FIRST

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hi mnp
i wish i was tucked up but im not and cant see it happening at all tonight.if it does it will be a miracle.
tomorrow will and does feel like im starting over again but i have to do it.i know i have to help myself.im sick of waiting for others to put things in place for me.
i want this but im so scared of whats infront of me.and also of how or if my mother will be able to support me properly tomorrow.the norm for me is to have psycho get me there and now im letting my mum in to support me.and shit thats scary because if she lets me down i dont know what ill do

ah, I'm glad I made you smile, I hoped I would. Now, stick that refrain in your mind, see yourself as a fabulous blue tropical fish (but with a lot more braincells) and you'll get there tomorrow.

does it help to see it as helping yourself to help you parent J?

you can do this.

im doing this to help myself because if i dont do something then one day he could end up not having me.this pain is getting worse and i need to get it all out again

Yes indeed you can do it.

It is the best thing and again your comment of having to help yourself and not wait on others is very telling as you are strong and more together than you give yourself credit for.

Even if you don't sleep and i am hoping you join me in a few minutes in nod land (im knackered)

As you lie in bed next to your precious little boy can you think of a rainbow, see the colours, how some sparkle and others pulse and some seem to shimmer?

Can you look at each individual colour and see the things that make it that colour, the buttercups and dandelions in the yellow, the roses and tomatoe's in the red.

Will you try?

Hoping you get some sleep and i will catch up with you later xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

i like the sound of that.ill try
thankyou mnp x
sleep well

And you hun, don;t forget the transitional colours, things that can fit into neighbouring colours like green stem on a pink carnation

oh blimy.ok ill give it a shot x

time to try and lay down.ive just finished listening to this for the 4th time in a row.
i have to have this happen
god bless x

fab song - hope it helps to calm your mind and let you sleep. Am off to bed now - good luck tomorrow, remember the fish knows best.
(((((((((hugs))))))))))) & love & light

Thinking of you today ns xx

good morning sweetheart.

lots and lots of hugs for today. I know I am normally 'walking' with you for this, and for the first time you are having real company, (your mum which I am sure is making you nervous), but this time I actually feel you are more ready IYGWIM. you know the deal this time, you know that talking is helping and you are so very very determined to get to a place where you have some peace. you are stronger too and you have a larger support network (even tho I don;t think you quite believe you are stronger yet!).

let you mum help you. I know you want her to help, but I kind of wonder if you are holding her at arms length just as much as she is holding back.........because you are both scared and terrified of the loss of control......from BOTH OF YOU.......not just your tears......I know (from how I would feel if this were one of mine), that she is going to be hurting so terribly over the pain her baby is in, that she is probably as terrified of letting you see how much pain she is holding back inside.

now, I am not as available as I said I would be yesterday......I have a hair appointment.

however

I have 'walked' you there from the hairdressers twice before, so I actually feel that this is a good omen. I can text, and I will be able to talk too once my colour is on if you need me.

I am sending massive hugs now tho, and love, and sun moon and stars. you can do this. you have proven how strong you are countless time, you have just got a little wieghed down again with the shock last week and it has resurfaced feelings. this is actually a good thing tho (altho I appreciate you don;t feel it like that). you need to get all of your hurt out before you can really truly move forward to be the CvQ you are destined to be, and the mummy to J I know you will be truly wonderful at!

you have a strong fabulous woman in there, just fighting to break free. this is the first step to allowing her out.

hugs sweetie, and I am here.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx