Anyone know how CvQ is today? Has she been in touch with anyone?

[thumbwitch]

She was in a bad way in the early hours of this morning, has anyone had any contact with her at all today? Am quite worried about her.

yes.your right.if we hadnt ahve gone to that bar snd i hadnt been tired i would have left with everyone else.if id just left at the right time i would ahve been alright.he hurt me so bad.iprayed he would kill me

Sweetheart, HE is a bad person.

You can do this, you can beat him. I know it seems impossible, but remember I said about the wall you had to bring down- it's going to be a long job to get you back to being that confident bubbly young woman you were. I know you can do it and we will help you along the way. You have the determination to get your life back,

i know she in there somewhere.every now and then she shows herself but then pain takes over.hurt takes over.feeling worthless takes over and shes buried again
i want her back

There's a difference between wishing that you had done things differently because then the circumstances would have been different, and it being your fault - am I making sense? There wasn't a "right" time to have left - you were entitled to leave any time you damn well chose and to be safe - he chose to abuse that right, and that is HIS fault - not yours. He's an unbelievably awful bastard and you do not deserve any of this. Not for one second. You can do this, and you will. You've come so far, and you will continue to get there.

and we would like to see her too,

It just takes one thing to trigger it, but your good spells have been getting longer too, you know, which is great. The real you wants to come through again and maybe tomorrow will help clear away some of the dark? Even if you end up crying it away with your counsellor, it will creep away from your life.
I'm going to put this on repeat:
You are not worthless, you mean a great deal to many people on here, and in rl
You are not worthless, you mean a great deal to many people on here, and in rl
You are not worthless, you mean a great deal to many people on here, and in rl

bellavita

thankyou
im in floods

cvq - everytime you get up out of bed, everytime you take care of j, everytime you get out of the house and walk and breathe, every time you post here and just keep going - that's that brilliant tough lovely woman inside you proving just how amazing she is/you are. It's all there inside you, and he can Never take that away from you.

Well said Habbibu!
He can never take your strength of character, never ever.

alot of time i do stuff without emotion only notion.just to get it done.if i didnt have j im sure i wouldnt be here but at times is being here for j enough.those are my darkest monents.those are the times which scare me and weigh my mind down.

But you get it done! And you can't see (totally understandably) just how bloody amazing that is because you don't feel amazing - you feel worn out and battered. But it is amazing - it's strong, and brave, and extraordinary. Let us see it for you, for now, and take our word for it. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you are winning this battle.

am going to bed now ns, I've got another late night tomorrow with work.

Good luck for tomorrow and remember we are here to help.....

I hope you can manage to get some sleep.

xx

And if j is what you think keeps you going, then let him be that for you. For what it's worth, I think you'd still be here even if you didn't have j - there's a steely core and a strong woman who's not going to give up.

night bellavita
thankyou x

x

ns fwiw I think you are amazing. to keep going, despite how desperate you feel at times, to me is amazing. You know somewhere, deep down, you are still there, the original you, and you know that you are gradually emerging, like a butterfly from a crysalis [sp?]

J is so lucky to have a mum who loves him like you do.

your right i dont think i am.even seeing it written down and being told it sounds like someone else.
one day ill believe

it's as though there are 2 of you isn't it. the real you and the you that you are experincing atm.

we will keep telling you until you believe

Night, cvq. I hope you get some sleep. Tomorrow will be difficult, but it will help. x

i dont know who the real me is anymore.i dont actually think she will ever come back.maybe a version of but never the original me.
that bastard stole 'me'

hello lovey, sorry you had another setback - our minds are sometimes our worst enemies. I know I am starting to sound like a broken record but I really believe that if you have the EFT therapy it WILL help to take the pain away, which is what you want the most at the moment.. I know it is a fag to try and organise something like that on top of everything else you have going on, especially when most of the time you only have the strength to do the bare minimum for j but it would be worth it.

How was your mum today - is she still in lala land or was she a bit more receptive?

but the you which emerges will still be you. stronger. wiser.

i hear you thumbwitch.but yes its just another thing for my head right now

mum is coming with me tomorrow.she will walk about while im in there.i dont know how much of'me' she will cope with tbh.getting me there is not a fun experience