Scary cancer statistics - how to live with this fear?

[onyxtulip]

Read some scary statistics about increasing cancer rates in under 50s today. Stupidly asked ChatGPT my risk of dying from cancer under age 50 (as currently 35yr old female) and a bit horrified to find it was 1 in 200. Even more so when I asked risk for equivalent aged male and it was 1 in 400.

I have a sister with terminal cancer and 2 young children and have seen other cases of this in other young mothers in my professional circles.

How am I (we, women, anyone) meant to manage the profound anxiety of dying before my baby reaches adulthood?

1 in 200 is a very low risk.

I'm so sorry about your sister. No wonder you're thinking about your own mortality.

however 0.5% is a very low risk, and the likelihood of dying from many cancers can be further and significantly reduced by lifestyle changes (smoking, drinking, weight), by keeping up with your PAP tests, and taking sensible steps if you feel a change in your health (weird mole, unexplained weight loss, blood in poo etc).

I mean, is it really though? For something so catastrophic. And to know its double the risk a woman had in 2001

Getting pregnant on the pill is about 1% and that seems to happen to people all the time!

The statistics are scary but it's all the more scary when it's not just a number but it's someone you love. Your sister's cancer must be incredibly hard for you. Having young kids really changed my awareness of my own mortality and the fragility of life and I became much more worried about dying young.
I know that the cancer stories of loved ones have sometimes tipped me over into health anxiety.
No answers really. Just agreeing that it's scary and it can feel overwhelming.

To put it another way, your chance of not dying of cancer before the age of 50 is 99.5%. I like those odds a lot more for you 💐

Get something painful that GP's can't diagnose. Or don't seem to want to. Nearly 3 years of being breathless, tired all the time, swollen tongue, bloating from large fibroids, painful hands, itchy rash on back and feet and a cough that starts up when I lie down. Consultant requested MRI urgently as suspects amyloidosis. That was 3 months ago. GP has booked me in for a "phone consultation on 27th October". She has repeatedly sent me to A&E for chest Xrays which show nothing and ignored everything other than the breathing issues.

I think it gets to a point after years where you just want a diagnosis, of ANYTHING to explain the myriad symptoms you can't discuss in 1 GP appointment because they don't seem to do holistic care any more.

Im so sorry your sister and those that love her are going through this. I’ve lost people far too early to cancer and it leaves you with a real sense of fear. From my line of work I know that a lot of elderly people are living with cancer and may die of it, so included in your statistic. People are living longer and cancer may be one of a list of conditions a person has at this stage of life, along with Dementia or general age related frailty.

I was surprised when I heard that 1 in 2 people will get cancer in their lifetime. I believe the statistic, of course. It just doesn't reflect in the people I know right now. My grandad is the only person I know who has had cancer.

The only thing you can do is avoid things that are known to raise the risk of cancer, like smoking, red meat, obesity ect.

I don't think getting pregnant whilst on the pill happens all the time.

Thanks guys. I know its not something that can be fixed but it helps just putting it out there, realising others feel the same and having a bit of compassion about my poor sister. I know I'm fortunate that it's just a theoretical anxiety for me rather than a lived reality.

Thank you for re-framing it for me, that really helps ❤

Well, my DH died of brain cancer at 37 so I feel it’s super important I’m around for rather longer…

Remember that a lot of those pre-50 cancers will be lifestyle dependent. The unlucky ones like my DH who get something there was no way of preventing are pretty rare.

so do what you can lifestyle-wise. That’ll also give you some control which should help with the anxiety.

Also: so sorry about your sister. It just shouldn’t happen 🤗

I am so sorry to hear about your husband - you're right, it just shouldn't happen. As my DMIL would say "I hope you live to 120" and thank you for your kind comments ❤

I’m sorry to hear about your sister.

As the sister who was diagnosed in her mid thirties with cancer, I want my sister to live her life to the fullest. Make the most of knowing you aren’t being forced to face your mortality right now.

I know people love to find a reason that other people get cancer so they can convince themselves it wouldn’t happen to them, but I had zero risk factors, no genetic issues, and it still happened to me. All any of us can do is make the most of the time we have now. Worrying won’t save us or change the pathway of a disease developing.

My mum's favourite saying was

"Don't let worry about tomorrow drain the joy from today. 'Cos tomorrow may be just fine and you can't ever get back the today that you ruined for nothing"

Wise woman, my mum.

It doesnt seem low risk to me, I have stage 2 cancer and I don’t know my current prognosis is but when we thought it was stage 1 my survival rate was over 90%, that is with HAVING an aggressive (albeit early) cancer. I’d expect the risk to be much lower for healthy people.

I don’t really believe those stats.

Also OP I don’t think it’s appropriate you’ve posted this in this sub forum, I know health anxiety is real and you’re dealing with cancer in the family, but imagine going into a weight-loss forum and saying you’re worried about getting fat. You’ve got health anxiety, not cancer, this shouldn’t be posted in here, where most of us are going through genuine cancer scares and/or actual cancer.

Whilst I am sorry for your health anxiety I agree with @flumpkeu . Myself and lots of others here are going through cancer diagnosis’ and it’s not fair to say your worried about your what ifs when we are really going through cancer and chemo and terminal diagnoses, it’s really tone deaf. Get a grip, you could be us. Truely ill.

Well, I’ll tell you, it’s a whole lot less scary when it’s only 1 in 250 than when you have been diagnosed and are that 1. 🙄 If you’re healthy and well, be grateful. Go live your life. Have fun. Push your body and make the most of how well it is. If I didn’t have incurable cancer, I sure as hell wouldn’t be stressing about if I did. I’m be grateful I was healthy and well.

I'm so sorry to those I've offended by posting in this forum - it was genuinely not my intention but I can absolutely see where you're coming from. It just seemed the most fitting subheading at the time but not on reflection. I wish you all well 💗

I agree too, I have had major surgery for lung cancer and it’s a lonely place to be; I don’t know anyone else with it.

Hi OP.

I can see why you’re worrying as someone very close to you is going through cancer that is terminal.

Have you considered talking to someone about the very real anxiety you are experiencing? Because if sounds like you are potentially developing an anxiety condition

This is what happens in a mid-life crisis. People are flippant about it but it's basically a visceral confrontation of your own mortality. Brought home to you much more deeply than many because of your sister's situation.

There are angles to approach this from. The first is to put the numbers into perspective. Imagine 200 people your age standing in a huge room. One of them will die of cancer in the next 15 years. It's scary, but 199 of them will be spared. The huge likelihood is that you are one of the 199.

The second is to work through what this means philosophically. You are not 'young' any more. You will die one day. Your children matter to you more than anything. Life is fragile and uncertain. Terrible things can happen, but they don't always. We have to learn to live with all of this. I found being bereaved at a young age made these questions ever present for me, but they really hit me in my mid 30s. I found religion and the passage of time helped and I'm now (mid 40s) mostly fairly accepting of death.

Hi OP, we're moving your thread to our Mental Health topic as we think that's a better place for it.