Stuck in limbo while declining

[NotQuiteUsual]

So my mental health is complex. I regularly suffer depressive episodes that tip into psychotic.

I was discharged by the early intervention in psychosis team as I timed out from thr service. Left under gp care. Now im declining rapidly and stuck waiting for a referral to the community treatment team to go through.

Im told im having delusions, I might be hallucinating, might not it's hard to know whats real right now. Coping mechanisms arent helping. All that helps is diazepam and I dont like relying on that. GP won't help as im too complex, crisis team isn't appropriate as im not a danger to myself or others. Im just stuck in limbo while declining. Today I haven't been off the sofa, just laying here panicking everything is made from paper. Dh says its not but can I trust him??

Any support or hand holds would he greatfully recieved.

That sounds horrendous for you OP.
I think you should trust your DH on this one.

Your post really resonates with me as I was in your position a few weeks ago. The only difference was that I was discharged by the CMHT and re- referrals by my GP were rejected.
Im afraid I have had to go private. A family member is paying. It’s literally saved my life. I was making threats towards others, attempting to take my life, behaving really strangely. I didn’t trust anyone. I thought I was getting messages from angels, all sorts.
I am back on antipsychotics and much better now. Hopefully I can now concentrate on fixing my crippling anxiety - I don’t leave the house.
Could you go private?

I might be able to do a private assessment when our UC comes through this month. But I dont know where to start looking for that.

Im so tired. Im trying to trust dh but I think hes poisoning my tea again. Thats why my heads so foggy. I don't know what to do.

@NotQuiteUsual if you haven’t already it might be worth getting in touch with your local MIND organisation? They often have quite a lot of ongoing support options for people in your situation and an understanding of how local services are set up. I know it’s not treatment but it might be worth making contact. I’m really sorry you are struggling. 💐

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/local-minds/

Ive signed up to join my local support group. It's on a day I can do so thats good. I didnt know mind ran them so thank you

I went to a local safe haven who called crisis team. They said im having delusions and its best crisis team are aware. Im sat in a calm dark room awaiting a call from crisis team..who will.no doubt tell me to take a bath and drink tea.

@NotQuiteUsual I really admire your resourcefulness and efforts to seek support. I really hope that the crisis team will offer more than that and that MIND can offer something useful as well.

I hope that the crisis team are helpful. My local team (Warks) are about as much use as a chocolate teapot lol.
If you do not get anywhere and want to consider private, my psych does the appointments online and is quite reasonable. Happy to share details if you need them x

Crisis team are going to send some nurses out to assess me. Which means theyre going to smile, nod and tell me its all intrusive thoughts. But I can't wait for the CTT the wait for them is really long at the minute im told

I hope they help you. What outcome would you hope for? I find knowing what I want from MH services is helpful and focuses me in appointments.

I want to stop going psychotic. I think im in the prodromal phase and getting close to the acute phase. I want my meds adjusted as they're the only thing thats brought me out of episodes.

That’s great you have insight. What antipsychotic do you take? I take olanzapine.

Aripiprazole, im on the max dose now though. I don't know why crisis team are coming out I cant remember why.

Oh that didn’t work for me sadly, it’s a good one and doesn’t cause the weight gain that mine does. I really wanted it to work.

That made me feel really happy (high?) for a couple of days but then the awful restlessness kicked off so I had to come off them. Real shame.
Hope the crisis team cn help you @NotQuiteUsual 💐

Crisis team just left. No telling me to have a bath or telling me I'm just tired. They're gonna see me tomorrow with a prescriber to sort meds.

That’s really good news, OP. You definitely sound like you’re already experiencing signs of psychosis and that should be treated like an emergency. You absolutely need an adjustment of medication to stop this episode in its tracks. In the meantime sleep as much as you can and try to trust the people closed to you.

Also, you should feel proud of yourself that you were able to identify what was going on and the urgency of the situation and advocate for yourself when you didn’t get the help you need. It’s not always easy to do that before things get to the point where you have no perspective anymore.

Oh that’s great news, well done x

Crisis team are sending a taxi to take me to the mental health hospital to see their Dr to do my meds today. Im shocked they can do this. So many times I've been on my knees and told to take a bath. When I went to hospital with violent urges and came home under crisis team, they just did nothing.

I feel kind of angry they had the capacity to help me before but didnt. But at least ill get meds now. I've been begging for new meds for months because my episodes are cyclical. But no one would help me till everything turned fake and scary. Where's the preventative care?

I wanna sleep for a million years. Everything is scary right now. Everyone was staring at me kn the achool run, I know they were talking about me.

Try not to think about what has happened before as it really isn’t personal, it is a sad reflection of the state of NHS MH services. They are obviously recognising that you need urgent help now so that is really positive and hopefully they will sort out your meds today so you will start feeling better quickly 💐

I’m really pleased they are helping you, it is so hit and miss. Let us know how you get on x

Just leaving now with a big diazepam prescription. They said its not psychosis its my autism causing black and white thinking, plus trauma. But im not a risk to anyone or myself.

Ill walk down the supermarket for my prescription tomorrow as I have enough diazepam at home already.

Apparently I won't tolerate another antipsychotic as I have side effects from aripiprazole and no medication will cure me, just take the edge off. It felt very discouraging to be honest. It was scary too 3 professionals all one side of the table and me on the other. It was like a job interview.

Are you happy either way that response? I hope things settle for you. I do find diazepam helpful when I’m very agitated.

I dont know how I feel. Im desperate for relief and to get better but diazepam is just a plaster over it. Ill see how I feel after a week of.l diazepam. Maybe itll help?