Treatment Resistant Depression (sensitive content)

[SB1967]

I suffer from very severe depression.
They've told me that according to their records I've tried every available antidepressant.
In April I saw a psychiatrist and asked for electro-convulsive therapy , which they rejected. I've tried to beat this depression with gym work, cycling and other exercise. None of it has worked. They told me to go to socials with other people struggling mentally and struggling with social isolation but my depression is just so deep that I don't want to be around other people , especially strangers .
I am now seriously planning my own s***e
I've told my closest relative that "I have to die". I suppose I should see a GP or ring NHS 111 but I'm not sure they'll help me. I'm struggling to leave the house during the day too. I absolutely cannot get out of this. I assume they'll continue to deny me electro convulsive therapy in which case I feel I have no choice but to delete myself.
The depression has become very extreme and frightening and I'm scared it'll turn into depressive psychosis. It's like they're waiting for me to get much worse before they help me. It has been a slow torturous descent into an extreme state and it's agony.

Does anyone have any experience of treatment resistant depression?

Savings are for a rainy day or emergency which this is so I would use them, you're life is at risk.

I rang NHS 111 on Monday night in a distressed state and today my GP practice rang me and told me to go there on Wednesday. I don't know why my GP didn't ask me to go in three weeks ago after I visited A&E. When you're suffering like me every single day feels crucial. I need to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible
Hopefully this ball will be rolling soon

How did the GP appt go?

I agree with you, the waiting is not fair. I have been suicidal recently but currently only have passive thoughts. I have told so many doctors and I really feel that there isn't enough support and the long wait between appointments is too much. I cant function properly, although I am trying to. Its a vicious cycle.

How are you feeling now OP? Was your GP able to offer any support when you saw them yesterday?

He contacted CMHT and presumably my request to see psychiatrist will be granted. Eventually.

That sounds positive. How are you feeling at the moment?

Absolutely terrible it's so tough to live like this.

How are you spending your days at the moment? Do you work or are you managing to get outside in the fresh air at all?
I know you are struggling but you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for, just making it through each day takes a lot of effort.
I still think you should arrange for an assessment with a private psychiatrist rather than keep waiting for the NHS.

Look at the Magic Medicine on BBC and then The Psychedelic Drug Trial