Struggling with frightening thoughts and sensations about being alive

[PurpleLovecats]

Do you ever think you’re dead? I just can’t actually believe I’m alive. I cut myself. I bleed. But my skin itches all over. I think I’m decomposing from the inside out. I’m being eaten alive by bugs.
Or I’m dead and stuck in the half life and need to find my way to the afterlife.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]

Support from other Mumsnetters is great but it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well. We hope that you can do that.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Have you run out of the antipsychotic meds now OP? You need to see your GP or see a psychiatrist privately as you have been discharged from your original MH team. What do your family say about your fears?

Yes I’m off the meds now. I can’t see the GP, they don’t believe me. My family don't talk about it, they’re too upset that nobody will help.

You said before that your family didn’t think it was worth spending the money on a private consultation, Maybe they will change their minds now?

Sweetheart, get yourself to A&E.

We simply don’t have the money for continued private psych input.

They just send me home.

Why are you off your meds, would it help to speak with the crisis team or calling 111

Because I’ve been told I don’t need them and discharged by the MH team.

Can you google mental health charities in your area and ask for support and an advocate?
Im so sorry you are not being listened to. I believe you.
Could some of your experience like the insects crawling be a withdrawal symptoms? Its a known side effect of antipsychotics. We used to call it electric ants. The feeling of being dead could also be withdrawal.
Can you talk to ChatGPT for support?
Can you see a different GP?

You don’t need continued private input. You know what meds work for you so the psychiatrist could assess you and then ask your GP to take over prescribing the meds. The GP won’t care as the responsibility will lie with the psychiatrist.

But won’t they request my notes and then see I’ve been diagnosed as not needing them? I spoke to a psych locally about a private assessment and they said they’d need to assess over several appointments as I’m disputing my diagnosis?

I don’t know if this is typical but my private psychiatrist didn’t request my notes from the GP, he just assessed me based on the history I provided him and then wrote a review letter for my GP to arrange ongoing prescription. GPs are so busy that they seem happy to folllow the path of least resistance. They have been writing me fitnotes every few months without ever seeing me or even speaking to me.

Ok thank you.

Please don’t advise people to get mental health support from ChatGPT or any other AI.

I’ve emailed a private psych for their prices tonight.

Good luck

My Mental Health OT recommended it...
I thought it could help the OP find and access real life support

So I called Crisis who said they’d re refer me to the MH team but heard nothing. DH called the dew so d add led me and said they’d re refer couldn’t really help. I’ve contacted private psych but I need to get the money together and then the wait is at least 8 weeks.

Meanwhile I’m a mess. Constantly itchy, feel dead. Sleep most of the day. Can’t concentrate due to the voices. See strange things. It’s hell.

That sounds so tough. Eight weeks is a long time so it might be worth seeing if there are any other options that will be quicker in the meantime. You don’t need to restrict yourself to local psychiatrists as the assessment can usually be done via Zoom these days.
You will be experiencing withdrawal symptoms from the meds from stopping cold turkey so just try to be kind to yourself. It’s good if you can sleep most of the time.
You can get through this, even if you do have to wait a few weeks. You’ve done it before 💐

Contact The Priory, you can see their consultants online. Message me if you want to know my specific psychiatrist. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time, you've been seriously let down. Get your husband to contact your MP.

Wow OP, what were they thinking? You're obviously very unwell but they've just discharged you, that is shocking. Can you complain to PALS and see if they can do anything? I hope you can get the help you deserve soon, I@m sorry oyu're going through this.

How much is the priory? The one I’ve found locally is £450 consultation and £250 for further online 30 min appointments. I’m really struggling to get the money.

Probably varies by consultant but mine was £380 initial assessment and £170 follow-up appointments

Thanks x