As we head into another new year, I reflect back on how many Chritmases I’ve thought “this year will be different.” I am so tired of feeling this way. I am late 40s, 2 kids and married. On paper I have a good life, ex teacher now working in education but recently demoted in a team restructure which has really affected my confidence. My role and others on my level were taken away. Both children are autistic and partner works away two nights a week.
Ive had depression since my early 20s. It is genetic and based on trauma as well. I am exhausted with feeling so crap all the time. I feel worthless, the worlds crappiest mum and jus crap. I have no real close, nearby friends. I do have family nearby but they don’t really know the depth of my sadness. I’ve been seeing a therapist for about 18 months and she has recommended that I see a psychiatrist to explore better medication which is more specific for me. I really don’t want to get to Christmas next year feeling exactly the same as i do now. I am so tired. I want my kids to have the mother they deserve. I have no motivation and if it wasn’t for the kids and partner, I would have been long gone.
Not sure why I’m posting but I guess I want a light at the end of this tunnel.