Struggling with procrastination

[hexagonoutdone]

I have a long-standing problem where every so often (every few months?) I enter a low period where I just cannot seem to stay on top of things and I end up in a vicious procrastination cycle until I am exhausted, really down and behind on work.

Overall my life is great. I have a lovely partner, a much wanted child, no real financial worries, a secure home, a great family and a job that I chose and enjoy. I juggle a lot but it is all balls I chose and want to have in my life. When things are going well I prioritise, plan ahead and thrive. I do the stuff I have to do and I do plenty of things that I want to do. I feel good and energised.

But inevitably, sooner or later, I slow down until I fall apart. I stop planning. I stop executing the plan even when I have made it. I drop routines. It always hits work first and hardest. Rather than working I end up procrastinating. For hours, days, and weeks. I do the absolute minimum required and spend all the rest of my time reading things. It used to be cheap fantasy books or romance novels but i have cut myself off from those. Now it is social media or mumsnet or similar. It leaves me exhausted and sad and disappointed in myself, not to mentinon behind on work tasks. I don't seem to be able to control it. I promise myself that I will stop, or that tomorrow will go better, and then it doesn't. I will eventually pull myself out and put the pieces back together but I don't seem to have control over when and how that happens. I am lucky in that my job (just about) accommodates this but this behaviour pattern certainly sabotages my longterm progression, not to mention my self-worth.

I do understand some of my triggers and it is often todo with fear. My job regularly requires me to step out of my comfort zone and "grow in my role" and I find that scary. It is competitive and requires me to be very self-motivated. I doubt my ability a lot, and sometimes struggle with impostor syndrome. When in a good place I can acknowledge that and accommodate that but when in a low place then it just piles on top of the existing feeling of failure and things spiral out of control. I read to not have to deal with whatever it is that scares me and then I continue reading because it means I don't have to deal with the situation unravelling. The reading feels addictive. I tell myself that I will just "have a quick look" or "do a little bit" and then I cannot stop. I have tried content blockers etc but I am too good with technology and always find a way around them.

I need help with this, before it continues to impact my career, but I have no idea where to turn. I tried looking for therapy but "procrastination" wasn't even on the dropdown list of issues to address.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Have you found a solution for yourself? Any idea how to address this? "Just get on with it" works perfectly fine when I am in a good place but is the first thing that goes out the window when I am not.

Google ADHD procrastination and see if it rings any bells.

For Dh, Ritalin was a significant help with this.

Actually, if you're reading up on ADHD, make sure you're looking at information for women. It can manifest differently in men and women.

What you're describing sounds a bit like the the analagy of a duck, who looks like it's swimming calmly from above water but the legs are swimming furiously below water. The sheer effort it takes to keep things organised and going well can become exhausting. It's not sustainable. Then you crash.

Thank you, that has crossed my mind. I recognise myself in some of the symptoms (I find it hard to follow long conversations, and I definitely have a bad habit of interrupting people. The reading is hyper-focused) but really not in others, even the list for women. Most of the time I enjoy the planning and have no problem following through on my plans. I'm neither hyperactive nor impulsive. I don't struggle with relationships or strong emotions generally. It's the fact that he problem is so episodic that makes it hard to put my finger on what the issue is.

However, you might be right that it might be worth exploring this option with a trained professional. And you are right, whatever I do normally clearly isn't sustainable because I always crash, sooner or later. Thank you, I will look into it.

Exactly the same here OP, only you’ve articulated it much better. Currently off work sick which I shouldn’t be, it will be even worse when I go back… I can trace back right to primary school where I’m in this refusal state, but then I’ll snap out of it and will be ok for years in between episodes. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

Mid-30s. I don't remember this happening as far back as primary school but by the teenage years this had certainly started. It is certainly a problem that far predates my current family and job situation. How about you?

Have you found any useful way of managing this phenomenon? I feel so helpless because it just keeps happening. I am probably on my third or fourth episode this year alone.

ADHD represent! I recognise EVERYTHING you have written. Load of shite innit?

I’m back and forth with the meds, sometimes I think they help other times not so much. I’m working on behavioural changes.

When you are in the throes of overwhelm it can be impossible to find a way out, even trying to work out what to try adds to the overwhelm. But here are some of my tips, take them or leave them.

Give yourself space, understanding and don’t judge yourself harshly. It is was it is. Breathe.

Think about what your most productive place would look like. Some people like a small, quiet room with the door shut. That’s the opposite of what works for me. I thrive in busy open plan offices, public libraries etc where I can feed off other people’s energy and discipline.When the attention kicks in that becomes brown noise which is very energising (I am the anti Colin Robinson).

I have a friend who gets me. Sometimes we ‘buddy’, she’ll call me on Teams we chat for 10 mins and then start getting on with our work and leave the call open on the corner of the screen. I can hear her tip tapping and occasionally we’ll have a bit of a chat about where we’re up to with things.

Get outside before work and at least once during day while there is daylight. Have a wander about, move, talk to yourself, I think most ADHDers have a very strong internal monologue so go out and indulge that. As an aside, were you a ‘maladaptive day dreamer’ when you were a child? My personal theory is that is very linked to the noisy internal monologue thing.

I put my to-dos on post it notes then put them in a folder. I take out one or two at a time to work on. I know that everything is captured, if something else pops into my mind it goes on a post-it and quickly stashed in the folder. That way I’m less worried about forgetting things but I’m also not constantly looking at an impossible list and shutting down.

I do this too, almost exactly as you have described although less episodic. It is almost all the time.

I have a great husband, lovely kids, and a good job I like, but my chronic procrastination at work sometimes feel like it is ruining my life.

It's hard to describe why I can't stop - it like my head is in sections where one part is saying 'do your work, do your work', a part is saying 'you have time to get it done, you aren't 'in trouble yet'', a part is scrolling on Instagram or mumsnet, and a part is saying 'you are so fucking lazy, what is the matter with you'. But it feels IMPOSSIBLE to stop. It sounds ridiculous, it is ridiculous. But still impossible.

I have a new job that requires less independent working which is brilliant for me. But the bits that are independent are still a big issue.

If I could change any single thing about me, it would be this.

I feel obliged to add. Maybe you don’t have ADHD and we shouldn’t rush to diagnosis-by-internet. You may need to explore other medical or environmental issues before jumping to a conclusion. However, something that annoys many ADHD people is when people say ‘oh I’m the same’ when we are explaining a particular difficulty* but the truth of it is that its a continuum so maybe some of the strategies that work for ADHD people are useful for other people too?

*I was talking to an ADHD coach about that one time and she said ‘yeah, people say that don’t they but we all shit once a day and that’s very different from shitting all day every day eh?’ 😆

@MurdoMunro Thank you. It really is. Some really interesting thoughts on how to find a way to make it as easy as possible for myself to work during those times. I will have a think but like you I suspect it is going to involve busy places and other people. I clearly can't handle myself by myself when I'm like this...

@BlueRaincoat1
It's hard to describe why I can't stop - it like my head is in sections where one part is saying 'do your work, do your work', a part is saying 'you have time to get it done, you aren't 'in trouble yet'', a part is scrolling on Instagram or mumsnet, and a part is saying 'you are so fucking lazy, what is the matter with you'. But it feels IMPOSSIBLE to stop. It sounds ridiculous, it is ridiculous. But still impossible.
That sums up exactly how it feels, all the way down to the internal monologue. I am sorry to hear you have this all the time.

And you are right that it is ultimately about time management. I know I can get away with it so I do it. I can't remember the last time I actually missed a deadline but things that are either open-ended and self-directed just take so much longer and things with deadlines turn into last-minute panics.

@MurdoMunro Wise words! I am keeping a very open mind but I think even just the realisation that people with ADHD struggle with similar problems so they might also have some good insight in how to handle them has been immensely helpful. It's given me somewhere to start to find a better strategy to work with myself here, and maybe some more compassion that this might just be how my brain is wired (rather than a character flaw which is how I have been treating it so far) Thank you for your insight.

"And you are right that it is ultimately about time management. I know I can get away with it so I do it. I can't remember the last time I actually missed a deadline but things that are either open-ended and self-directed just take so much longer and things with deadlines turn into last-minute panics."

100% this too. If it is 'wiring' rather than inherent crapness, then I think we are wired the same. I am quite friendly and I know my stuff, which carries me through a lot. I don't miss deadlines, my work is ultimaly done, and to a hugh standard. But I always put myself in a position of being very stressed when I could have been totally fine if I just worked consistently. I am always waiting for the mistake that will catch up with me, and that will get me found out.

I’m not sure that what people call time management strategies work for folk like us. We need to be creative and personalised. Tbh some of the time mamangement stuff I’ve tried over the years has made me feel worse, even more of a failure.

Oh @BlueRaincoat1 I hear you. That is all so familiar

I don’t hate myself like I used to, still get frustrated and wish to be ‘normal’ sometimes but I have come to understand that some of the positives about been wired differently are actually true and not just patronising tripe that minimises our difficulties. If being ‘normal’ meant giving up those other skills then I’ll stick where I am thankyouverymuch.

Oh my gosh, I am exactly as you describe OP, I could've written your post. I'm currently procrastinating in my office, though I have to go to a meeting in a minute. I will be back later to read all the wise words posted already, but it's good to read that I'm not alone. I'm sure it's my wiring and I strongly suspect I have ADHD.

I think I’ve been lucky to have jobs where I could build in some procrastination in the past that also allowed me to have some flexibility to get household tasks done. People would have said I was on top of everything 10/10 at work, tidy house etc etc. I now have a senior role that requires at least 10 hours of full on intensity and back to back calls each day, and it’s breaking me and I’m now missing things. It’s making me feel even more of a failure than usual and also now breaking my home life as the tasks pile up there too.

I know what does work for me is routine, getting fresh air but I can’t break the cycle, and I feel worse than ever. I’ve done a lot of intro analysing and I can spot a few times of life I’ve been like this school refusal, scraping through a levels / degrees etc, but then I have these periods of hyper focus. Years without a day off sick, getting great jobs etc. the thing that makes me work my best is knowing I have support / people that want me to succeed and I’m in a vicious cycle of losing that at the moment.

I’ve tried apps / focus time in the past with little real success. I’ve been prescribed antidepressants but haven’t taken them, I’m going to explore adhd / autism further but also not sure that would bring any benefit.

Big hug for you @CointreauQuaint (even though a stranger all up in your space and TOUCHING YOU is very unlikely to be welcomed 😆). I went up the career ladder for all the good reasons, I’m good at my job, I deserved the ££ etc but after 3 years hit the wall. Had to take myself back down a few rungs, it was the right choice for me, has caused some problems but overall no regrets

Following as this is what I’m currently facing and am unable to help myself :(

You know what. This world is full of bullshit busy-ness. Emails, WhatsApp, Teams chat. Constantly being bombarded with information. Ridiculous expectations from employers. Shamed by people saying things like ‘if you want to be wealthy/successful/admired/keep a sterile clean house/perfect darling children you should work harder like me’. It’s structural. It’s bullshit. No wonder we shut down. Maybe we are the ones noticing that the empower is, in fact, stark bollock naked.

@CointreauQuaint That sounds really hard and I fear myself going that way as well. I have a lot of leeway at the moment but also a lot of career left and I DO want to keep advancing. I recognise some of what you say: when I am on top of things I am REALLY on top of things but when they slide they completely fall apart. It probably works out on average.

@MurdoMunro Definitely some of that! What makes me so sad is that ultimately it costs me the things I want to do. The necessities get done, somehow, but it is the "nice to have's" that get squeezed out.

Absolutely @hexagonoutdone. For me the trick is to me more clear about the nice to haves actually being a necessity and learning to not care about what lots of other people think are necessities but which I have come to learn aren't actually that important to me. Sparklingly clean and tidy house? Not bothered. Being the bestest at work, nah, what needs to be done gets done, if there’s time for more I’ll do something that is interesting to me. Having grilled chicken and potatoes three nights on the trot because I CBA with working out something else is fine. Doing jigsaws, knitting, walking, train journeys etc all settle my mind so they go on the necessity list.

This is so so relatable. I go through stages of doing something like read mumsnet or playing a particular game like it's a compulsion (and other times I'm working for hours without a break, working in the middle of the night etc) And similarly, find ways to meet deadlines but constantly stressed, angry with myself etc. It's horrible spending time you should be working on something that isn't enjoyable, useful or relaxing - it's just a hunt for dopamine I think (or the 'dark playground' someone wrote about in a waitbutwhy post). And also relate to the imposter syndrome, fear side too, and I really appreciate you articulating it so clearly and being open about something it's hard to talk about- no one in my real life knows how much this is an issue. Anyway, thank you and I wanted to just add to everyone saying you're not alone.

Practically, some things that sometimes help to some extent - strict bans for myself on certain things on my phone (e.g. MN, the most addictive games - I have managed these at various points for weeks and even months, though as yet not indefinitely). Working in different places - cafés are sometimes really helpful. Very, very small goals - just getting up from lying on my bed and moving to my desk, starting with something very small and straightforward.

It is really tough.

@prettygirlincrimsonrose I've used content blockers pretty successfully for long periods of time but I always end up falling off the wagon again (like being here right now) as well thought sadly. Limiting access does help though!

I'm so glad I found this post. I've been pushing myself for a while and then got some negative feedback and that tipped me over.

To be honest my MN procrastination was already out in spades, so life was basically work then procrastinate then catch up then repeat. As I go down the hole I always forget it because I have ADHD.

I always think its because I have this huge character flaw and am beyond repair. And that's such a lonely place. It's such a lonely place when you are at the bottom of an ADHD spiral because I've got none of the positive spirit to carry me through, am physically exhausted so the thought of building my way back up is exhausting, and now I'm 45 I feel like FFS I'm the only one still hasn't figured this out.

The dark playground sums it up.

One thing I have noticed is that it usually coincides with periods where I've been sugar bingeing. And poor sleep. So that's something for me to be mindful of.