friends say 'talk to me' and when I do they cant handle it

[paperchain]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh

Tonight I have upset a dear friend cos she asked if I was 'still feeling suicidal'. so I said yes, but not quite so bad as before. She then said she didnt understand how the health system could let me go feeling this way, but we all know it is crap, so I made a joke - ok a sick joke, but at my expnese. But now I ahve really upset her.

This has happened before. People say to ring them if I feel bad, but really they dont know what ot say.

It is such a lonely plasce mental health

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theres so much id like to say sometimes but you do find yourself holding back dont you so people dont see how screwed up you really are?i totally understand what your saying.i am trying to be more honest with people about how i really am but i still end up stopping myself

oh paperchain - i feel for you and your friend. You are both at different ends of a difficult conversation. It's good that she cares for you - try and focus on that I have a friend with deep depression, and I really try, but it is not always easy, and I know I also sometimes make a mess of it

Hope you are truly on the up, and that you get together with your friend again soon.

I dopnt know how I am atm - I could so easily go or stay, I flip

dior I was traweling some old threads with said friend earlier today, from years ago on mn and I foudn some convos with you and me

I usaed to me naswm, or notastrongwoman and before than mamaoftwo

she ended by saying that she loved me, which brought a tear to my eye

I wish I wasnt suicidal (is it ok to say that on mn without eveyrone panicking?)

but I am. I am trying so bloody hard to do something about it. Really I am. I dont knwo anyone trying harder than me. But it doesnt go away.

What is the point?

I HATE upsetting people, esp her

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hey ytou remember me! cool!

I am in long term therapy, yes. But that just helps me cope with teh day to day stuff, nothign really helps get rid of the demons with in me

waht abouty you, are you getting help?

what do you remmerbn of Naswm?

Hi paperchain, so I agree with you. In my opinion no one wants to listen to a depressed person. Friends tell us to call them but if we do they get unconfortable. My feeling is that nobody cares - nobody, People wangt to live their lives happily, not with the troubles of somebody else.

people cant help getting upset and if she asks the question it is good that you tell the truth or theres no point

tho i am the same with my dd1 she says everything all right and i ujsually say yes

you have a hard job paperchain

it is wearing going through this stuff endlessly

you can only keep doing it tho

and that itself is so bloody depressing isnt it?

and so lonely

Its OK to upset your friends you know, if she is your friend, and she sounds like she is, she will take it on board, and be fine with it - she said she loved you. My DP gets upset with me, angry, frustrated, worried etc etc...hes my friend though, so it is tough titty .

Glad to see you back posting though

I dont have any words of advice, just to say hello and offer a shoulder

well sometimes ypu abandon rl friends yourself tho thats what i did

no motivation to see people

paperchain, suicide is a serious business...Have you got any children? do you live alone?

that is avirtue of mn you can abandon it/them and just reaappear

I have name changed back

paperchain was too wishy washy

I am back to go old pathetic depressed naswm

thansk you two

how are you both??

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nooooooooooo keep talking Dior

yues you were lovely!!! I ahve gone back to my old name now

I havse done cbt and cat and others too

sorry about your mum

my dad rang recently and I was so

i quite like paperchain

for some reason tho i visualise those paper dolls with joined up hands not a paperchain when i see it

and it looks rather sweet and romantic and sentimental

AWW sorry zippi

I liked her too

but the me atm is naswm - the unstable one

how are you anyway?

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i am a lot better than i was last week

i went to my mums old hopuse in wales and stayed on my own

no pc and no proper mobile signal and tbh it was supposed to be a sort of retreat and it made me a bit strange

and i just got agitated and unreal

and then had too much to drink on friday and felt even more weird on saturdya

i am waiting to see a psychiatrist but dont know when

HUGS to you both

dior yes and more

Ziuppi - that sounds hard

how old are you naswm if you dont mind me asking?

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well all my problems are inside my head

i believe that by an effort of will i can overcome them

well i sometimes believe that

i know how to behave and appear and do normal things its the inside part that is messed up some of the time